For the Good of Society
by NerdySkeleton
Summary: After getting caught like a fool and being left to rot in a cell, Billy-Ray Sanguine jumps at the chance to be out there, catching criminals like him for the "good of society". Unfortunately, he's stuck with Funny Bones and Cain...This'll suck, huh?
1. Greetin'

Mortal Coil spoilers.

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><p>"Ready to help clean up society, Sanguine?" Apollo Downs asked as he dragged a tired and frustrated me down a hallway. "That was nice of you to volunteer to help with this project. There's that saying where it takes a con to catch a con, really. I'd say that applies to you. You're not particularly a conman, but you come close enough."<p>

I gritted my teeth and kept repeatin' in my head that I'd be out of here and be rid of this moron within a few hours.

Three years. THREE YEARS.

I'd been here THREE YEARS. I'd been here in this stupid disgusting hellhole for three years. My, how time flies when you're rottin' in a jail cell!

Downs pulled me into a narrow room with a neat little table and a few chairs. A very large file with all these papers and records was sitting nicely there by a chair. Downs sat me down forcefully in one of the chairs and released one side of the handcuffs.

"The Grand Mage and your new babysitters'll be here soon," he said and left the little room promptly.

I groaned and slammed my head onto the table a few times. "They'll keep me waitin' for an hour," I muttered angrily, knowing exactly how the dumb ol' Sanctuary worked.

And true enough, about an hour later the door opened and the recently appointed Grand Mage walked in, followed by my "new babysitters."

"Ah, hell no!" I shouted, standing up and pointing a finger. "I ain't going with them! They put me here in the first place!"

Meak and humble little Ghastly Bespoke, the Grand Mage, shrugged and sat down casually in one of the chairs. "You deserve it," he stated calmly.

_Valkyrie Cain_ that little (well, she's a bit bigger _now_) brat sat down next to him, and _Funny Bones_ leaned against the wall behind the two. Neither looked very happy, either.

"And since you very eagerly volunteered yourself for this position, knowing full-well we'd take the next available employee," Ghastly continued, "we will not change your circumstances."

"You're just bitter 'cause I stole your girlfriend…"

I looked up through my sunglasses in hopes of angering the Grand Mage. But _no_. He just sat there, calmly, a sick, twisted smile plastered on his face.

"I am not bitter. But know, Mr. Sanguine, if the other elders hadn't outlawed executions previously, I would have happily watched you be killed. However, now that Miss Low with the Remnant inside of her cannot and does not wish to be found, we have forgotten about her. When she resurfaces and causes havoc everywhere, we'll put you in the very middle of it all. Maybe you'll be caught in the excruciatingly painful crossfire."

I smiled. "You don't scare me," I said, leaning back. My eyes slid over to a grown Valkyrie Cain and surveyed her cautiously.

"May I help you?" she asked sweetly.

"Just lookin', that's all," I replied just as nicely.

"Ah, good. Well," she said and leaned forward in her seat, "the next time I see you staring at me for no reason, you will be cut." On the last word, her hand popped from under the table to reveal my trusty straight-razor. Its blade was out and shone in the light brightly.

Ghastly chuckled once and nodded towards the file. "Skulduggery?"

"Yes?" Funny Bones answered.

"His file has contact numbers for relatives, partners, and most importantly, the guys out looking for him. If he's causing trouble, just dial that Russian mob and they'll get him taken care of."

"Whoa, whoa," I held up my hand and laughed a little uneasily. "I'm squared away with them. I don't owe 'em nothing."

"They think differently," Ghastly answered. "And who am I to tell the scary Russians they're wrong?"

I frowned and sat back. "Fine," I said quietly. "I'll cooperate. As long as those two don't abuse me or somethin'."

"When you've been a good boy we'll give you a cookie," Skulduggery answered dryly.

"All right," Ghastly said abruptly, "debriefing. You're first going after Colonel Red. Caucasian, green eyes, green hair. He-"

"Why's the name 'Colonel Red'? Why not 'Colonel Green' or something?" I interrupted, feeling delightfully clever at my little joke.

"We'll ask him when we get him," Valkyrie answered icily, her eyes big giant gaping holes.

"He's been shipping out a whole ton of guns to a bunch of rogues," Ghastly continued. "Naturally, he needs to be stopped before they go crazy and start killing everyone. He was last known to have his base in the east part of Kilkenny, in the appropriately named East Kilkenny Warehouses in Warehouse #62. He should still be in Kilkenny if he's not there in that warehouse, though. He has been known to move around locations sometimes."

"And we bring him back here when we've got him?" Skulduggery asked, grabbing my file as they all stood up, except for myself. Heck, I wasn't ready to leave.

"Yes, do so," Ghastly affirmed. "William-Raymond Sanguine: get up. It's time for your first day of the job. Ready to be a good guy?"

"Oh yeah, sure am, Grand Mage," I sarcastically replied. "May I have my razor, pretty Valkyrie?"

She stared at me. Oh God, I'm gonna have fun pissin' her off. But she suddenly chucked my precious knife at me without warning. I caught it a little shakily, and thankfully it didn't cut me. I sheathed it and stuck it in my pocket, glarin' at her.

"After you, Sanguine," Valkyrie said pleasantly.

"Ah, nah, ladies first, pretty Valkyrie."

Her eyes turned sharp at my perfectly obnoxious little nickname for her. She straightened and exited the room. I politely shut the lights off and slammed the door. And yeah, of course, I shoulda known they wouldn't just let me go walkin' free. No. I'd be handcuffed again. Bratty Valkyrie cuffed both hands and pulled on the chain and began draggin' me like an old dog.

"Come on, be a good boy now," she said like a cheerful little bit-

"Valkyrie, no abusing him," Funny Bones intervened. Oh, I never thought I'd be thankin' this guy. Maybe he was nicer than I thought…

"Oh, that's hardly abuse, Skulduggery," stupid Ghastly said, laughing slightly.

All right, I think I'll have to kill him pretty soon.

"Thank you, Grand Mage," Valkyrie laughed and smiled. I kinda thought she might let go, but she didn't. She just kept happily pullin' me along, and I do gotta admit: she's strong. Damn, that's a problem.

They led me to the front doors where a tiny little receptionist sat.

"Ha, have fun," she laughed as we four passed through the doors. Valkyrie undid one side of my cuffs and opened the back door to that ancient car Funny Bones drives around. She gestured silently for me to get in, and I finally did, because she sure wasn't gonna relent. She shut the door and stood talking to Bespoke for a few more minutes. He waved and strolled back to the Sanctuary building. I watched Funny Bones fish the keys from out a pocket of his creeper-coat, and he slid into the driver's seat easily, while Valkyrie took to the seat beside him.

"All right, Sanguine," Funny Bones said as he started the car, "it's about an hour to Kilkenny. Do whatever you want back there, but don't make a mess and don't make too much noise."

"Will do, Funny Bones," I said and gave a salute with my free hand. I buckled myself for safety and leaned back against the cushioned leather, deciding on sleepin' away this car ride. Hopefully these two would have the decency to let a man get his sleep.

But, ya know, probably not.

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><p><strong>Evelina A <strong>told me to write a _certain pairing_, and I was like, "BUT I WOUDN'T KNOW HOW" but then the idea popped into my head, so it's cool~

I don't know how far this story will take me. Normally I HAVE to plan out the whole thing before I allow myself to begin writing it, but I dunno. We'll see if I can make it far without setting up the whole thing. Also, the poll I have: this isn't the story I was talking about. This is entirely different. Just in case you were wondering. This is actually a really fun idea for me. I'm really excited to get to writing a lot of itttt!

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	2. Talkin'

"Wake up."

"I ain't feeling it."

"Suck it up and be a man."

I opened my eyes and turned to the side to see Valkyrie Cain lookin' less than pleased. She held open the back door, her foot tappin' impatiently. Slowly, I eased myself out of the car and stretched. We were parked and surrounded by some gray buildings with gray pavement with gray skies overhead. Overall, it was pretty dang gray.

"Well, shouldn't we be gettin' in there and goin' crazy and arrestin' all them?" I asked, nodding towards Warehouse #62. "Or should we wait till the 'time is right'?"

"They're not in there," Funny Bones said tiredly. "We checked already. So, because this whole program was designed to utilize our already-caught criminals to help find need-to-be-caught criminals, where would this Colonel Red guy be, Mr. Sanguine?"

"Hell if I know," I replied shortly, smiling.

"Well, if you weren't an idiot who got himself captured," Valkyrie jumped in, "and you were still free and knew that the evil guys were about to close in on you, where would you relocate your illegal gun selling shop?"

"Man, someone's cranky this morning," I muttered. I noticed her evil super ultra mega death glare and sighed, "But I don't know. I'd go…home."

"Really? Do you think this guy is as stupid as you?"

Okay, so I changed my mind: I ain't gonna kill Bespoke first. Valkyrie Cain'll be the first person I kill once I'm free.

"Funny Bones, make her stop beatin' up on me!"

He paused, and I definitely thought he was gonna side with me for a minute, but he shook his head and said, "I think she's justified. Now, think. Where is Colonel Red?"

"I'm not a psychic! I don't know where he is!"

"Well, he's a villain, you're a villain: where do villains hide?"

I sighed and shrugged, saying, "We sometimes have…multiple hideouts. Or we go to a really obvious public place, like a hotel or club or something. Or we could take the cliché route and hide out in a castle."

"There," Valkyrie smiled, "that's all we wanted."

I grumbled and was actually _really_ tempted to just start screaming swear words these guys were so annoyingly pushy and witty and holier-than-thou. Gah, maybe I'm whinin' like a twelve-year-old girl, I dunno, but these guys really do that to ya. They use Jedi mind tricks and morph ya into some mutant creature that's nothing like your original self.

It's kinda neat actually.

NO. Billy-Ray, you pull yourself together RIGHT NOW and you never think anything good about them EVER AGAIN.

"He seems to be having a psychotic episode," Valkyrie muttered suddenly. I guess they were watching my face contort at the mere mention of being nice to these jerks.

"Ah, if only I was insane, pretty Valkyrie," I replied, "then maybe I'd get outta doin' this stupid thing."

Again, she whipped out the, "Hey, you volunteered for it," thing.

"Yeah, but I figured I wouldn't be stuck with you two," I shot back. "And, ya know, I thought maybe you'd have the decency to at least be semi polite to me, because, well, you _did_ lock me up in that jail cell with all those morons."

"And I'd thought you'd have the decency to realize that you've killed many innocent souls," Valkyrie retaliated, her eyes sharpening again, "and that you helped to almost destroy the world."

"Yeah, keyword being 'almost.' The world is fine. It's still here. Funny Bones back me up, don't yo-"

"Why do you keep thinking I'll side with you?" he asked. He sighed and shook his head and kinda laughed a little and said, "Valkyrie, let's start narrowing down places of interest; we need to find this guy." He walked on a bit for no real reason. Maybe he needs space to pose thoughtfully? I dunno, I've always considered Funny Bones to be overly dramatic.

She nodded and then suddenly stopped. "How should we even go about doing that?"

"Look at maps and find the creepiest and grossest hotels imaginable?"

"Sounds awesome." Valkyrie turned to me quickly and said, "You, Sanguine, stand there and don't cause too much trouble."

"Yes, cap'n."

She sighed and turned and popped open the front passenger door and bent down to the glove compartment. She emerged again holdin' a few rectangles of paper that I guessed were maps. I think I'll have some fun watchin' her try and fold 'em up again.

I leaned back against the car and watched the two of them. Funny Bones had whipped out a cell phone and, I guess, was talkin' to Bespoke on the other side. Valkyrie spread the maps out on the hood and studied them. Her fingers traced over the little lines carefully, like they would jump out at her or somethin'. I noticed one finger had a black ring on it.

"Hey there, pretty Valkyrie?" I asked, takin' the risk of her beatin' me up for speakin'. (I thought the point of me bein' there was so they could use me to help find these criminals. Will this whole thing just consist of me standin' around while they go all crazy and detective the heck out of everything?)

"What?" she replied, her voice all monotonous and what not.

"You still an Elemental? Or did ya jump the Necromancy wagon fully?"

She held up her hand wordlessly and black shadows poured from the black ring and pooled to the ground, where they shot across the cracked pavement and suddenly curled up around me, freakin' me out like crazy, causin' me to jump back and act like a general nutcase.

"Necromancy," she answered, though I dunno if that was really necessary.

"Thanks, Miss Show Off," I muttered quietly, but I guess she heard my remark because she started gigglin' like a little girl.

"Are you still acting like a sneaky little mole?" she asked, her eyes actually glancin' up at me. "Did that gaping hole I made in you fix up?"

I snarled and folded my arms. "Yeah, thanks." I would have showed off like she did, but these stupid handcuffs were still on me, and they were those awful ones where they take away your powers and all that.

"You deserved it."

"Everyone's new favorite phrase!"

She kinda laughed again. "A rather fitting phrase, though."

"Hey, with all the pain and misery you caused me," I pointed out, "you deserve some type of jail time. Assault and thievery, definitely."

"What have I stolen from you?"

"How could you forget the first time we met?" I asked, astonished she couldn't remember such a pivotal moment in our lives. "You thought that I was blind when I popped up from the ground in front of you, on account of the no eye thing, and then somebody said something, and then you took my razor."

"Oh really?" She looked up. "Sorry."

Wait. Was she apologizing?

"Haha, just kidding. I probably shouldn't have given it back to you anyway," she suddenly responded, her eyes glinting again. "I probably could have cut you like I cut Dusk."

"You are delightfully violent, pretty Valkyrie," I noticed. "You should join my side."

"Hey, Valkyrie?" Funny Bones said as he came up to us quickly. "Ghastly said to check the 6th floor on that huge building off in the distance over there." Funny Bones pointed across a while off to a rather tall building. "This guy apparently hides there, too."

Valkyrie nodded and gripped the map and stared at it a few minutes. "You can figure out where it is?"

"Please," Funny Bones said, "it's me, Valkyrie."

"Oh, yes, how could I forget?"

They have a weird relationship.

Funny Bones chuckled and turned to slip into the car. Valkyrie surprisingly managed to fold the maps up in, like, two seconds. She herself jumped into the car, and I just kinda stood there a minute, wonderin' if I needed a command.

"Well hurry up, Sanguine!" she sang.

"Oh, I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it." I opened the back door and flopped into the seat.

"Seat belts," Funny Bones commanded.

Valkyrie sighed tiredly and laughed, still. She reached for her belt as I clicked mine securely. Funny Bones sped off, and we raced over to this building where the green or red or whatever-color-he-is guy hid out.

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><p>This is fun :3 Yeah, this chapter is boring as heck, but I don't caaaare~ I realize I've never really WRITTEN about Sanguine before. He's appeared, but only as a villain. Maybe that's why I'm having so much fun with this...<p>

Thanks for reading! Sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	3. Catchin'

Haha, I love you all~

You know, I hope you've all been reading this in a Texas accent. You don't get the feel of it if you don't X3

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><p>These guys are borin'.<p>

I mean, I guess I always thought they drove around in this ancient car, banterin' about and jumpin' out occasionally to beat up criminals. But no, Funny Bones and Valkyrie are just…sittin' there doin' nothing. Maybe they just didn't plan this out well enough, and Funny Bones ain't gonna admit he didn't plan out anything 'cause I'm here. Oh, how I just love being a nuisance.

Funny Bones drove way past the big building and parked in an alley. He cut the engine and turned to Valkyrie and half to me and said, "So this man doesn't have the most high-tech security, but he has guards practically everywhere, however they're just civilians when in a place like this. We'll have to be careful to not reveal who we really are."

"Ooh, sounds fun!" I cheered and bounded from the car. My legs were startin' to hurt.

"Let's see if this little program actually catches a bad guy," Valkyrie muttered. Funny Bones shrugged and remained in the car a few minutes. When he emerged, he had a face, with brown eyes and brown hair.

"Holy Bejesus!" I screamed. "Who are you?"

"Hush up, Sanguine," Valkyrie sighed. "He has tattoos that enable a fake face," she explained. "Just relax."

"Bu-Bu…You got a _face_!"

"It comes in handy," Valkyrie said. "Now hurry up. We shouldn't just stand around here."

Funny Bones nodded and still he wrapped that scarf around his neck. He dug his hands into his pockets and strolled a bit ahead of us.

Valkyrie gestured and said, "You coming?"

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, wavin' my hand, but I realized I was still cuffed. "They gonna get suspicious if I still have these on?"

Valkyrie frowned. "Ah, yeah." She approached me and fished a key from her back pocket. I held out my hand for her, and she hesitated a moment.

"I ain't gonna go runnin'! Where would I even go?"

"Home?" she joked, a smirk lightenin' up her features. She jammed the key into the lock, and I shook the stupid things free. She placed them in her own pocket.

"They'll go back on, huh?" I asked as she started walkin' to catch up with Funny Bones.

"Oh, you bet," she replied happily from beside Funny Bones, turning her head to wink at me.

I groaned and jogged to 'em. "I'm thinkin' you, Funny Bones, have a plan."

"I do, in fact," he answered shortly.

Valkyrie began, "Well, I figured we'd just smooth talk our way until we're alone with this guy and then-"

"_Then _we go crazy and arrest 'em all?" I asked excitedly. "All I want to do is punch someone! I'm ready for the action."

"And I used to wonder why you enjoy killing so much," Valkyrie muttered. I shrugged and quietly thought up ways to kill her – it's great fun.

Funny Bones held open the door, and we passed through.

"Now what?" I whispered. We searched around the lobby for a few minutes, blindly looking for this guy.

"There," Funny Bones said dramatically, and pointed across the lobby. A woman with a green wig on sat content on a couch. All the people in the buildin' passed by her without a glance. We advanced in a line towards her.

"We're here for the Colonel," Funny Bones announced as we approached her.

The woman looked up slowly at us. "Are you expected?"

"We are," he affirmed.

Her cold eyes moved from Funny Bones to Valkyrie then to me. And then she suddenly smiled. "Billy-Ray?" she shouted excitedly.

I ain't ever seen this woman before in my life. Oh crap.

"Uh…" I smiled uneasily. "Yeah…hey…"

"Don't you remember?" she asked, smilin' wide.

"Um…no."

She rolled her eyes at me and continued on with that smilin' and said, "We were partners when we were assigned to take down Mister Luke! Remember?"

I _guess_ the memories were comin' back, but still. If what I was rememberin' was right, this Mister Luke thing happened, pretty much, fifteen years ago. It could be that this lady had a great memory, but I'm actually just gonna go with the fact that she's extra creepy and weird.

"Oh yeah," I muttered when Valkyrie elbowed me to get me to say somethin'. "That was…fun."

"I heard you were in jail though," she continued talkin'. "You broke that guy from Russia out, dabbled with the Faceless Ones, and then kind of went away, right?"

"Hey, I did _way_ more! I almost pretty-much-by-myself conquered the world if it wasn't for these two-"

I stopped before I started shoutin' at Funny Bones and Valkyrie for ruinin' my life.

"Hmm? Who?" the lady asked.

"I mean, that, um, these two awful detectives from the Irish Sanctuary threw me away in jail," I muttered. "But I killed 'em _brutally_. I sometimes dream about it…See, I sliced off the head of the bratty girl, but not before cuttin' into her major arteries, spillin' the blood everywhere. But then with the guy I just threw him into a vat of acid. Not as fun as the blood pourin' everywhere, but the acid was still a good choice."

Funny Bones and Valkyrie glowered at me. I laughed at them.

"Who are your friends?" Weird Lady asked, smiling at the two.

"This is…um, Ignatius Missouri…" I said lamely, noddin' at Funny Bones. "And she's, uh, Cinderella Gum…" I pointed at Valkyrie.

Weird Lady gave them a look. "Nice to meet you," she mumbled, wavin' slightly. "Well, Billy-Ray, you want to see the Colonel?"

I nodded and said yes.

"Well I think he's free right now," she said, checking over a clipboard. "Yeah, he's good now. I'll tell him you're coming up. He'll see you, I'm sure. He's on the sixth floor in room 62."

"Yeah, great, thanks," I said, wavin'. Funny Bones and Valkyrie waved too, and we walked off. I rather sauntered, actually.

"Really?" Valkyrie groaned angrily. "Those were the best names you could come up with? Those are horrible names!"

"I'm just gonna start callin' you that, Cinderella!"

Valkyrie groaned again and hit my arm. I hit the little up arrow button for the elevator and laughed silently.

"What gruesome deaths you have planned for us," Funny Bones said casually. "Cutting into the arteries would be painful, and throwing me in a vat of acid is rather creative."

"Ah, thanks, Funny Bones."

The elevator _ding!_ed. We all stepped into the little box and waited patiently for it to travel upwards. Valkyrie seemed a little cautious around me (even more so), but that's probably because I basically told her my little fantasy of killin' her horribly. Funny Bones immediately veered off and found room #62 easily when the elevator stopped. He knocked; the door almost instantly opened.

"'Afternoon," Colonel Red greeted us. He opened the door wider for us, allowin' entrance. "I hear from Lila that we have an ally with us?" (Oh! _Lila_ was the Weird Lady's name!) He brushed his _real_ green hair away from his eyes and nodded towards me. "Billy-Ray Sanguine, is it? Is it true you have no eyes?"

I whipped off my sunglasses and showed him the black holes. He nodded like he _approved _of my appearance and gestured for us to sit.

"What can I get for you today? I have pretty much everything. I even have guns from the American Civil War."

Valkyrie smirked and crossed her arms. "Now this isn't legal in the slightest, is it?"

Colonel Red titled his head and squinted at her. "No, it's not," he admitted. "Are you worried about being caught? See, miss, these are completely untraceable. I keep a log of everything I've sold, so I only know where every gun is. You don't need to worry about authorities."

Valkyrie nodded in understandin'. She stood up slowly and tilted her head the same way his was titled. "I hope that's not a selling point," she stated, "because I'm afraid you and everyone you've sold to is under arrest."

"Wh-"

Before he could utter a full dang word, Valkyrie lashed out and kicked his legs out from under him. Her creeper shadows coiled up and lifted him, so he kinda hung limp for a minute.

"You," Funny Bones said, revealin' a pair of handcuffs, "are under arrest for thievery and your little illegal gun shop. You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be used against you as you stand trial against the Elders and Grand Mage of the Irish Sanctuary. If you cooperate and give us a list of all customers and employees, you will be granted a shorter sentence in jail."

"And believe me," I added, "those Sanctuary jails are _nasty_."

Colonel Red just glared. "I'll cooperate," he finally muttered after a few minutes. "Just take me down."

Funny Bones nodded and cuffed the guy. Valkyrie released her tight shadowy hold on him. He staggered for a few minutes, and then suddenly tried runnin'. I didn't react fast enough, but Valkyrie was like a freakin' ninja. She tore after him and slammed the door shut by slappin' black shadows at it. They twisted together on the ground to form a little prison, and then they ran all up and down his body and constricted his every move.

"Resist to arrest," she panted slightly, "is duly noted. I will continue to keep this hold on you, cutting off most of your circulation, causing you to pass out if you dare do that again."

"Go ahead," he sneered, "keep holding me; I don't care."

Valkyrie shrugged and clenched her first. The blackness around him tightened tremendously. Colonel Red now turned blue. I watched his eyes roll to the back of his head, and he was out for the count. Valkyrie smiled triumphantly, her eyes bright with adrenaline. Funny Bones rifled through the papers around the room for a moment, stole a few folders, then motioned for us to leave.

Hm. Maybe they ain't so borin' after all.

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><p>Your reviews are so great! They keep me REALLY motivated to keep on writing this little thing~ I have some fun plans for this; just you wait!<p>

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	4. Zombiein'

Three hours after initially catchin' the dang guy, he was finally locked up in the Sanctuary. Funny Bones had to get all this paperwork done and finalized before he could be thrown away. And then after that Funny Bones had to fill out even more stupid papers.

"While you were out," Bespoke began as he approached Valkyrie and me, "someone managed to break out."

She groaned. "Who?"

"Your friendly neighborhood band of zombies leader!" he replied.

"Are you serious? How is it that the most incompetent villain ever to exist always manages to break free? I just can't even comprehend it."

"Zombies," I asked, "meanin' that idiot Scape…grace? Scapegrace and his little horde that are all named nouns?"

"Yeah, Scapegrace, Thrasher, Slasher…uh, Hasher? They're all really awful names."

I paused. Didn't I kill him? Oh, I did. Yep, that was when dear old daddy got out and dragged me into his stupid plans to take over the world or somethin'. The only good thing about then was the fact that I got to see lovely Tanith Low nailed to a chair.

"Father and son, if I remember right?" Bespoke smirked. "We're still holding him here," he added to me, "if you want to visit."

I huffed. "I'll have'ta pass on that one."

"Ghastly, you're killing trees with all this paper you make me fill out!" Funny Bones yelled from a corner. "Why the sudden need for boring paperwork? I miss the good old days when you just grabbed a villain and threw him in a cell no problem. Oh, don't you miss those days, Valkyrie?"

"Oh yeah, they were the best of my life, especially when Crux did that to me," Valkyrie replied sarcastically. "Oh, and then Marr after that."

"See?" Bespoke said. "That system is more safe."

"Or maybe pretty Valkyrie shouldn't piss off them detectives," I added quietly.

"Sorry, I'll get working on that, Sanguine," she said. "Meanwhile, I'll head out and grab Scapegrace and anyone else with him."

"Take Sanguine with you!" Funny Bones shouted.

"But I hate him!"

"I'm right here-"

"And I don't care at all."

"Well, fine."

Valkyrie groaned when Funny Bones wouldn't relent. She reached into her pocket and produced a pair of handcuffs. She secured them on my hand without much fight from me, since I'd figured they'd be all, "OH WE'LL CALL THE RUSSIAN MOB."

"But I'm taking the Bentley!" Valkyrie shouted at last minute as she dragged me through the doors. Funny Bones glared furiously but didn't object at least. Valkyrie kept holdin' tight on my hand as we approached the ancient car.

"I can walk on my own, thanks muchly," I grumbled.

She smiled. "I know – I just like dragging you around."

I frowned but followed in her steps and climbed into the passenger seat. She looked me squarely in the eyes.

"What?" I demanded. "Can I not sit here? Is this seat only for the obnoxious female partner of the group?"

She glared but finally shook her head and just revved the engine. She pulled away from the curb sharply, and I instantly knew if I ever rode in a car with Valkyrie Cain again, I'd probably want extra seatbelts. This woman drove like a maniac, let me say that. Thank the Lord no one cut 'er off – I'd be afraid of her pullin' her gun on 'em or somethin'.

"Where are we headed?" I asked after a little while of silence.

She shrugged. "Well, I assume that Scapegrace is as stupid as you, so he'll probably just go right back to his usually hide out."

"That was a joke!"

"You seemed pretty serious, William-Raymond."

"Oh shut yer mouth."

Valkyrie laughed and pressed down on the pedal even further. She weaved in between lanes and stopped at an old, derelict buildin'. She stepped out of the car first, and I followed slowly.

"Hurry up," she chided. I moaned and dragged my feet a little quicker. I expected Valkyrie to go all James Bond on the place, but she simply waltzed up and knocked on the door. We waited a few minutes, and no one answered, but someone shouted from somewhere in the building. Valkyrie sighed and turned to me.

"Tunnel us in?" she asked – well, it was still more of a command.

"I would, but you're too paranoid," I simply replied, danglin' the handcuffs in her face. She snarled and grabbed them, unlocked them, and put them back in her pocket. She sighed as I offered her an arm. Ha, maybe I could freak her out some. Valkyrie clenched onto my sleeve tightly with both hands. I smirked, and we began tunnelin' down underground. I could hear her heavy breathin' in my ear, and I could feel her hands slippin'.

"Is it that hard to hold on?" I grumbled, shiftin' and grippin' her 'round the waist.

"It is when I'm down here defenseless with a man who wants to kill me."

"Oh, that _is_ true." I laughed and switched directions, so we were tunnelin' upwards towards the floor of the zombie hideout. "And now that I'm the one holdin' you, I could just drop ya and leave ya here with no air."

"Skulduggery will kill you. And then Ghastly will trash that execution law and murder you with his own hands."

"Ah, then I'd guess we'd just catch back up in Hell, huh?" I smiled and braced myself for the transition between rock and dirt to the floor of the buildin'. We broke through the floor, and I figured Valkyrie would need to catch her breath or somethin' dumb like that (she was hyperventilatin' in my ear the whole time!) but she suddenly whipped a huge gun from her coat and had it pointed at the confused zombies around us.

"I'll just stand back and watch," I said, "and join in if ya need me."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes at me, but I wasn't gonna move and help her. She finally cocked the gun and aimed it at the zombies and said, "Where is Scapegrace?"

They stared.

"Where is Scapegrace?" she asked again.

One zombie finally squeaked, "U-Upstairs."

"Go and get him," she commanded. "And if you tell him I'm here, I'll see that you are delivered to those idiots who think the zombie apocalypse is coming."

Ohh, those guys _are_ idiots. I'd be more worried 'bout the Remnants escapin', but that's just my personal opinion. I mean, if you get bit by some zombie, just get bit by a human again, and _bam_, you're fine.

The little zombie nodded feverishly and raced upstairs. Only a few seconds later, the King Zombie himself appeared: Vaurien Scapegrace. Ahh, I've missed this moron.

"Scapegrace!" Valkyrie greeted warmly. She kept the gun held high. "How do you always manage break out of jail? Do you have secret powers you're not telling us about?"

He grimaced and…crouched a little, raisin' his fists. "I am just considerably…more intelligent than those guards they've got employed," Scapegrace said. "Also they forgot to lock my cage door…"

"And I've come to rescue him before!" his pudgy little follower interjected excitedly. "Thrasher stands by his master, the Zombie King!"

"Yes, yes," he said, "now shut up."

"O-Okay."

Valkyrie chuckled quietly. "Alright, Scapegrace," she said, approachin' Scapegrace slowly, "you and everyone of your zombie followers are under arrest."

"Why?"

"You're a major threat to society, and you've also killed a whole lot of people. You really need to make sure they don't get a taste of human."

Scapegrace didn't say anthin' for a minute. His mouth slowly turned upwards into a frightenin' grin as he whispered excitedly, "So you've admitted I've killed before! HA!"

Valkyrie growled and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, whatever, but you're under arrest. Just come here and then we can all be on our way."

Again, Scapegrace didn't say anythin' for a while. But he finally sighed dramatically and said, "I think I'll enjoy doing this."

"Doing wha-"

Valkyrie didn't finish her question when suddenly Scapegrace's disembodied arm came flying at her. It hit her squarely in the face, and she toppled backwards.

And I just laughed.

"Sanguine, stop and come and help me!" she shouted as she slapped away a zombie with some black shadows.

"You seem to be doin' fine, pretty Valkyrie!" I called happily.

"Shut up and help!" she shouted again. A zombie grabbed her arm and almost bit down on her, but she shook him off and kicked his face off.

I pushed myself off the wall I was leanin' against and trudged over. Should I fight these guys? Technically, I'd be betrayin' them. Though they did all try to eat me that one time…Eh, yeah, I'll beat 'em up.

I cracked my neck for dramatic effect and strolled to the center of the mass. I gripped one zombie's shoulders and hoisted him away, throwin' him in the air. He collided with his other colleagues. I turned, but a fist slammed into my face, promptly knockin' off my sunglasses. A black tendril suddenly leapt out of nowhere and wrapped itself around the punchin' zombie's arm. He shrieked as it cut into his rottin' skin and severed the whole dang thing. The shadow held onto the arm and sent it hurtlin' into a few other zombies.

Valkyrie's shadows whipped around her. She took a couple steps backwards, curlin' a shadow ball in her hand and then suddenly jumped high into the air. When she landed, the whole buildin' shook with the force of all the shadows she had carried along with her. All the blackness clamped down on an individual zombie. They were completely immobile. Little wisps of black curled away into the air like dust specks as all of the zombies were suddenly lifted with the shadows tied around their waist. Valkyrie had one line of shadow connecting her right to the nearest zombie, and shadowy lines connected all of those, too.

All right.

That was damn awesome. Pretty weird but damn awesome.

"Sanguine," she muttered.

"Yeah? What?"

"Come and get this vial out of my pocket," she commanded. "And then sprinkle some on this line here." She indicated the one connecting her ring and the zombies.

I meandered over slowly. Her fists were clenched together tightly, like she was strainin' against the few zombies who were strugglin'. I dipped my hand into her coat pocket and revealed a tiny vial with some gray powder. I popped the cork and spread the fine powder over the line. It slowly disintegrated, but the rest of the zombies stayed tied together.

Valkyrie suddenly shouted. "Where is Scapegrace!"

Thrasher laughed. "He escaped! He eluded you! My master is far more clev-"

"Oh, shut up."

"Okay."

Valkyrie swore under her breath as she dug a cell phone from her pocket. She dialed a few numbers and waited for the recipient to pick up. When they did, she said, "Yeah, it's me. I've got some good news and some bad news…Why would you want the good news first?…Oh whatever. Well, the good news is that I have probably almost all of Scapegrace's little zombie followers here at his normal place tied up. Some are unconscious, and some are missing limbs. I got hit in the face with Scapegrace's arm…Right, it was awful…The bad news is that Scapegrace somehow managed to escape…"

She waited a few seconds but then ended the call. "Come on," she grumbled.

"Are you in _troooouble_?" I laughed.

"Shut up." She pushed passed me and swiped her hand against the air, a mass of black shadows materializin' and completely destroyin' the door. She waltzed on through and slipped into Funny Bones' ancient car. I sat next to her in the passenger seat. She caught me starin' at her black ring as she pulled away from the curb.

"Afraid of Necromancers?" she questioned.

"Ah, nah," I said, "I just think we villains of the world could really use your power to seize control and destroy everyone and what not."

She turned to me sharply, and I first thought she'd be angry; her eyes just looked sad, instead. I waited for her to give some mean-spirited retort, but she just turned back and faced the road.

Was it somethin' I said?

* * *

><p>I worry about my love for Sanguine…<p>

Ugh, I hate how I plan out my epic endings first, so then I'm just trying to get through the beginning~ I have a word document that has some ending scenes written down. I'm not totally sure where I should go with plot from here on out...Ignore me, I'm being dumb and vague.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	5. Slappin'

I've come to realize that a whole ton of the SP fans are a bunch of whiny brats…

* * *

><p>Valkyrie burst through the Sanctuary doors and quickly directed a huge group of…guys (?) dressed in gray with huge scythes to head to the buildin' with Scapegrace's zombies. They all marched around to the back of the buildin' so to not be seen by them regular citizens. Funny Bones and Bespoke entered through a grand door. Valkyrie rushed over to them and explained the whole situation. She apologized for bein' such a huge failure at her job (well, she didn't say that…) and lettin' Scapegrace get away. Bespoke just replied that they'd get him later.<p>

I casually leaned up against the wall and watched the three of them. The doors to the other side opened and a tall and lean woman whipped by.

"Good afternoon, Grand Mage, Detectives," she greeted.

"Hello, Mrs. Faust!" greeted Valkyrie. "Did you get assigned a criminal too?"

The lady, Mrs. Faust, stopped and sighed, "Mr. Bespoke, couldn't you have asked if we the detectives wanted to volunteer for it?"

Bespoke shrugged. "Skulduggery and Valkyrie seem to enjoy dragging Sanguine around like a dog, though." He pointed at me. Mrs. Faust turned and laughed quietly.

Oh, yep, I'm gonna kill her, too.

Mrs. Faust laughed at a whispered comment but then bowed away to go collect her own criminal.

Just then, the lady in question came back, totin' her own prisoner with her. Her charge took one look at me and laughed.

"Son!" Daddy dearest, Dreylan Scarab, exclaimed. He nodded over to me, silently askin' if he could come over to me. She followed him along as he meandered over to stand nearer to me. Daddy dearest continued, "I never expected seeing you here and definitely not working with these awful creatures!" He took a look at Valkyrie and muttered, "You're the bitch who put me away here, aren't you?"

Funny Bones suddenly got defensive. He stepped in front of Valkyrie and muttered darkly, "Keeping this attitude up and your sentence will surely be lengthened."

Daddy dearest shrugged. "Oh, what do I care? I'll be dead in a little bit, won't I?"

He winked at me like that was some great inside joke we shared. Mrs. Faust gripped his cuffs and led him away after that, grumbling about having to deal with this. Funny Bones fumed silently but regained his composure after a little bit.

"Hey, Sanguine!" Valkyrie shouted, callin' me over after they talked a bit more. I huffed and pushed myself off the wall and walked over to 'em. Her face was sour.

"We have one more case assigned," Funny Bones said shortly.

"Do I get to punch anyone else?" I asked excitedly.

"No," Valkyrie said, "there's apparently a disturbance at the Necromancer Temple. We just need to go out and investigate it for a little bit."

"Aww, why can't we send that old Faust lady?"

"Valkyrie knows the Necromancers the best. They'll let us in with her easier that way. They _have _to be nice to her."

Valkyrie almost began to deny this, but she finally shrugged and smirked. "They just _love_ me over there," she muttered. "Must be my great personality."

Funny Bones laughed. Apparently, this was hilarious. I don't even know why they were jokin' about this all, but _whatever_. Valkyrie, _once again_, grabbed her handcuffs and stuck 'em on my wrist. I gave up fightin' against it after the first two dang times. Funny Bones took the lead again and led us to his weird car. He took to drivin' again, and Valkyrie took her normal seat, and I squeezed in the back. Naturally. Funny Bones revved the engine and drove quite a ways away until we got to GET THIS: a graveyard. I knew all those Necromancers were dark and gloomy and broodin' and whatnot, but seriously. A _graveyard_. You don't get much more stupidly depressin' than that.

I called Valkyrie out on the graveyard thing: "The Necromancer Temple is in a graveyard?"

"Yeah? And?"

"It's just funny, that's all," I muttered, snickerin'.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, the good news," she said happily, flexin' her hand with the black ring, "is that being around all these dead people really gives an extra power boost, you know?"

Shadows spiked up from the ground and lunged themselves at me. I flailed and snarled at her. She only laughed and silently accepted the high five Funny Bones proposed. She turned and walked deliberately to a crypt with rusty iron gates, with moss and weeds overcrowdin' everywhere. She unlatched the crypt gates and stepped down first. Funny Bones went next, and I followed down. Everything was dark as heck, and it smelled like…despair. No, really, it smelled like depression and despair. Ain't kiddin'. Valkyrie's footsteps stopped suddenly as she waved her hand in front of another freakin' gate. It swung open and allowed us all to pass. We walked in a straight line for a while, just goin' down a long hallway in dim lightin'. We passed a few creepers, and they all…bowed to Valkyrie. She nodded back at them grimly. She finally stopped walkin' when she reached a grand silvery door. I expected her to be all polite and knock like a normal human bein', but she just opened it and marched in.

A man sat hunched at a grand desk. His head was in his hands. When Solomon Wreath looked up, I could tell he pretty much had never left the Temple except to get bread and eggs probably. His hair was vaguely matted, his eyes sunken in deeply, and his skin blotchy and pale.

"Good afternoon, Valkyrie," he said. "And you, Mr. Pleasant. And–" He studied me. "And Mr. Sanguine, I suppose."

Funny Bones greeted back, while I gave out a loud, "Howdy!"

Valkyrie sighed and addressed the man, "'Afternoon, Wreath. When was the last time you slept?"

"Three days ago," he answered shortly and stood up. "I suppose you are here to investigate our disturbance?"

Valkyrie nodded. Wreath passed us all, exitin' the room; Valkyrie followed him quickly. Funny Bones and I jogged to keep up with 'em. The two stopped at a different silvery door down a ways. Wreath opened the door and bowed for Valkyrie to enter first. She seemed uncomfortable with this. (Is she Queen of the Necromancers or somethin'?)

"Oh _my_," she uttered simply upon seein' a dead body sprawled over the desk. Blood spattered the wall and the floor. A rough hole had been stabbed through a guy's chest, and his blood had poured out everywhere. A paper was laid next to his body. The paper read:

"_You will not take our Savior from us._"

"Savior as in…Jesus Christ?" Funny Bones asked, takin' the paper. He studied the fancy letterin'.

"We're unsure," Wreath responded. "I don't understand why they'd attack us Necromancers when we don't…particularly associate ourselves with the religious."

"Perhaps because of all the death? Death can't conquer Jesus Christ?" Funny Bones suggested.

"But that was _quite_ a while ago when that happened," Valkyrie said.

"True. It may not actually be Jesus Christ after all." Funny Bones cast a glance over to Valkyrie, who stood studyin' the note.

A small silence passed before Wreath finally muttered, "We also have one more theory to this, but it's highly unlikely."

Funny Bones nodded and said, "I have my own unlikely theories as well, Solomon. If you could, rope this off, and we'll return soon to do a thorough investigation."

Wreath stared at Funny Bones a minute and then complied. He called on some random Necromancers to close the room off.

As we left the Temple shortly after that, Valkyrie asked Funny Bones quietly, "Should we have the body examined?"

"I think that'd be the best. Could you tell-"

"Sure, I can."

We got to the car silently, and Funny Bones put it in drive and raced on back to the Sanctuary.

"You have a choice," Funny Bones said when we arrived back and processed all that fun Necromancer Temple stuff on through, "where you can stay here tonight in the jail cells or be locked up in a room over at Valkyrie's house for the night."

Hmm, stayin' here with these morons in jail or sufferin' verbal and physical abuse under these two…

I pondered for a few minutes before finally sayin', "I think I'll stay here for the rest of the night, thanks dearly for offerin'."

"Oh, come son, be a man."

I tensed and turned around slowly.

By the doors stood that Mrs. Faust lady with who else: dear old daddy Dreylan Scarab.

"You don't look a day over six-hundred, old man," I commented.

"Thank you, son." He paused and stared at Valkyrie for a few seconds. "My God, I hate you."

Funny Bones stepped forward again, preparin' to defend Valkyrie's honor or somethin'.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie said, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, "I can handle him."

Funny Bones stepped back and folded his arms. Valkyrie stepped forward and rested her elbow on her my shoulder.

"What might you be doin', pretty Valkyrie?"

She looked at me a moment but then suddenly looked at Scarab. "I see the family resemblance between you two men," she began. "Same nose, eyes – well, minus the fact that Sanguine has no real eyes – and the same cheekbones, it looks like. Both assassins. Both doing jail time for being failures at their jobs. Scarab was supposed to destroy the world here, and you, Sanguine, were simply supposed to kill me, at the time a simple teenager."

"Perhaps if ya weren't such a brat then, I'da killed ya," I snapped.

"Perhaps if you were good at actually killing people, you'd have killed me," she shot back.

I cracked a smile and swung my hand around and abruptly backhanded her. I happily admit it was the best feelin' in the entire world. Funny Bones suddenly roared uncharacteristically and grabbed me. Valkyrie had gotten daddy dearest into…a heap on the ground, with a foot on his back hard and pullin' on his one arm with one hand, while the other hand rubbed where I slapped her.

"I coulda done worse to you, lil' darlin'," I laughed as Funny Bones dragged me off. Mrs. Faust grabbed daddy dearest and led him to his own high-security cell.

"Rot in Hell, Sanguine!" I heard Valkyrie shout.

"I said already, pretty Valkyrie, I'll see ya there!"

Funny Bones sighed as he kept draggin' me along. "You know, Sanguine," he said casually, "I did give the Russian mob a call. I asked them about you, and they certainly remember you."

"Oh, how nice of them."

"Yes, and they said that they'd head on out over here whenever we need them to and begin by torturing you by pouring acid down your throat and performing a lovely castration, then followed by asphyxiation. This is strike one. By strike three: you're dead."

He stopped at my cell and threw me in it harshly. He shut the rusted door and gave a wave, sayin, "Sweet dreams."

The sad part is that I don't think he was lyin' about that all…

* * *

><p>(WHO SAW BOOK 6'S COVER. WHO. I LOVE IT.<p>

See, everyone's whining about the fact that the title is stupid. I want to KICK everyone who says that in the FACE VERY HARD.)

Thanks for reading and reviewing! :DDD


	6. Watchin'

"Why?"

"I have personal reasons."

"Valkyrie, if you kill him, I will have to arrest you for it."

"We'll have killed each other both soon, don't you worry."

"You keep your mouth shut, Sanguine. You're now just a convict; you haven't been added back onto this team yet."

"Team? Your 'team' is made up of the most annoyin' and most sarcastic and most horrible people imaginable. And you two are skinny as sticks – how can you suffer any kind of battle at all?"

"He's a skeleton, and she's just active. What more do you want?"

I froze and didn't say anythin'.

"You messed up the argument flow, Sanguine!" Valkyrie groaned.

"Well I didn't know this was a competition, li'l darlin'!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Freedom of speech!"

"That's America, stupid!"

"Well I'm sure your precious Ireland has freedom of speech laws or rules or whatever too!"

"Don't hate on the Ireland!"

"Don't hate on the America, then!"

Valkyrie groaned and crossed her arms, suddenly all angry and growlin' everywhere. "I change my mind: I want him locked up for the rest of his life," she said icily.

"Anything to get away from you," I snarled.

Then outta the blue, Funny Bones stood up and placed his hands on the metal table delicately. "Valkyrie, stop acting like a child."

She stood up too, uncharacteristically angry, and shouted, "I am not acting like a child! He was the one who slapped me!"

I would have stood up and joined them all in their epic starin', but practically all my limbs were chained to something. "She was the one who started tauntin' me and daddy dearest. _She_ stared it."

"Don't you pull that, Billy-Ray!"

"I'm just statin' the truth, li'l darlin'."

Valkyrie twitched visibly and then sat down. She turned to Bespoke. "I will go insane if he doesn't leave this instant."

"Ghastly," Funny Bones butted in before Bespoke could reply, "I suggest sending the two of them off on a stakeout."

Valkyrie and I both shouted, "_What_?"

"In order to set up a sit-com type scenario?" Bespoke sarcastically replied. "I don't think so, Skulduggery. Why can't you all three stakeout?"

"I have certain matters to…address. It's nothing either you, Valkyrie, nor you, Sanguine, should hear."

"Why not?" Valkyrie asked, defensive.

"If you were to hear what I need to investigate, you would probably scream and rage and overall freak out. It's for the best if you don't come along."

She glared and shook her head. "I refuse to go with this idiot American for hours on a stakeout."

Funny Bones sighed, "Please, Valkyrie?"

I was hopin' she relent some more, but she nodded eventually and said she'd do it. Funny Bones thanked her and handed her a card with the address we were supposed to creep on.

"Drop us off at Gordon's?" she asked tiredly as we were all shuffled back into Funny Bones' weird car. I guess this means I'm back on the 'team'…? Heck, I don't even care.

Funny Bones nodded and pressed down on the pedal. We drove down some crazy, windin' roads to this remote residential neighborhood. Valkyrie got outta the car quickly so she could cuff _both_ hands and drag me around like that.

"Use this information against me," she said, "and I will kill you."

"Um, what information?" I watched her fish a key from her pocket and unlock the door. "Oh! You live here, don't ya?"

She nodded once.

"Man, how did you afford this place, pretty Valkyrie? It's humongous."

And it _was_. The outside was red brick on every inch, with rich, deep almost red wood windows and doors. The front yard was kept sorta nicely, with a few little flowers around and a few trees. I couldn't see the backyard though. Enterin' through the front door was a whole different story though. The carpet was blood red with mahogany walls all along the corridor. An archway led into a neat little kitchen with the best appliances I had ever seen in it. Huge stairs were off to the side.

"Valkyrie?" a voice called out.

"At the front!" she answered.

A second later, a stupid lookin' boy appeared right in front of us.

A second after that, he took a look at me and screamed. "Valkyrie! Get away from him! Oh my God, what are you doing? What's happening? Has he hurt you? Are you okay? What's wrong! Oh God, oh God, oh God!"

Valkyrie pried his hands off of her face and calmly explained our awful situation. When she calmed him down so he wasn't on the verge of havin' a heart attack, she introduced us. "Fletcher Renn, this is Billy-Ray Sanguine. Sanguine, this is Fletcher. There."

I stared at him. "Did you suffer from some electric shock? That hair ain't natural, boy."

Hair Boy (I dub him this now) rubbed his neck. He almost replied but instead teleported away from us. Valkyrie sighed and directed me to stay where I was as she turned and ascended the stairs. I could hear footsteps up above, and then suddenly a guy appeared next to me. No, it wasn't Hair Boy. I'm pretty sure it was Hamlet's father, actually…

"What are _you_ doing here!" he screamed. Though he was a cotton candy blue and totally transparent, this guy actually freaked me out.

"I'm here with Val-"

"You've found where she lives! You're here to kill her!" Suddenly he advanced and passed on through me. I cringed at the feelin' of his…body passin' through my own. Hamlet's father zoomed up the stairs, and I followed him fast before he could start screamin' to Valkyrie about me. 'Cause of stupid Valkyrie and her stupid paranoia, my cuffed hands made me almost fall flat on my face a whole ton of times, though I still managed to beat Hamlet's father to where Valkyrie's room was. (I figured it was her room at least…)

I kicked open the half-closed door and tried to explain, but I stopped short.

Valkyrie stood in the center of the room, topless (save man's immortal enemy: the bra). She clutched a shirt in her hand, and my eyes roamed across her covered chest to her lower abdomen where a long, ugly scar was placed. I studied it a second, but then quick as lightnin' she shot a stream of shadows at my face, hittin' me hard, and knockin' me down. Hamlet's father appeared by me and cringed at my situation.

"**PERVERT**!" Valkyrie screamed. There was a minute of silence before hands gripped my jacket, and she hoisted me up nearly effortlessly. "What the **HELL** is wrong with you?"

I noticed she was fully clothed now. Damn.

"It was Hamlet's father! He wouldn't stop screamin' at me!" I stammered, tryin' to save my skin.

"Who?" she demanded.

"This dude!" I pointed to the blue ghost.

Valkyrie groaned and released her death grip on me. She took an intensely deep breath and pointed to the blue ghost. "This is my uncle," she calmly said. "This is an echo stone version of him, at least. My real uncle died a long time ago. He left me this house in his will. It is not Hamlet's father." She paused. "And I thought you'd be too stupid to even know who Hamlet was."

I snarled but didn't say anythin'.

"Now, are you going to apologize for bursting in here on me?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"It's your ghost uncle who should apologize," I explained. "He got up in my face and said how I wanted to kill you. He started, uh, floatin' to you, but I wanted to get there first to explain myself. How was _I _supposed to know you'd be in here changin'?"

"You should have just stayed there," she muttered. "Gordon's practically a ghost. What could he have done to you?"

"He probably would have made me deaf the way he was screamin' in my ear…"

"Big whiner," she grumbled and grabbed the chain link between the cuffs and stormed out of the room. "Come on, we have to get moving."

I was forcefully dragged down the stairs and out to the front again. Uncle Ghost waved goodbye to Valkyrie as she slammed the door shut behind us.

"Are we gonna walk there?" I asked.

"No, you idiot," she replied shortly. Valkyrie stopped abruptly and jolted me a little bit. She reached into her back pocket and produced a ring of keys. She hit the UNLOCK button on the controls, and I heard a beep. I looked up to see a _beautiful _black Ford Mustang. I dunno the exact year, but I'd certainly say early 70s.

Though I ain't gonna admit that.

"What is it with you and Funny Bones and old cars?"

"Hey, my car is so much newer than the Bentley."

"Still, it's old."

She shrugged and motioned me to get in. I slid into the passenger seat as she revved the engine. She looked at me expectantly, but then pulled from the driveway and raced down the roads. After a while, we pulled to a curb, and she parked the car.

"Who are we after, anyway?" I asked as Valkyrie stared at a plain little buildin'.

"Anyone suspicious looking," she said quietly.

"Sounds excitin'."

It wasn't.

For _hours_ we sat there in silence.

Finally, someone exited the buildin' we were watchin'. Valkyrie watched them for a minute, and then groaned. She dug her cell phone from her pocket and angrily dialed the numbers.

"Skulduggery, why did you send us here?" she began the conversation.

"I'm bored out of my mind!" I added loudly.

She glared at me. "We've been here for _hours_, and nothing has happened. What's going on? …Oh, well as long as you finished up there," she growled sarcastically. "There was a fiasco at Gordon's, but otherwise I guess he's been a good boy…" She laughed suddenly. "I know! All right, bye."

She ended the call and turned the engine back on.

"Did we seriously just sit here for hours for no reason at all?" I whimpered.

She nodded. "Sadly, yes."

"Well now what?"

"Back to the Necromancer Temple."

"Ugh, why?"

"You are the whiniest adult I've ever met."

"Well that place is horrible! And everyone there acts like they care about you. Are you the ruler of Necromancers or somethin'?"

Valkyrie didn't answer immediately. "It's kind of like that."

"Am I not allowed to know?"

"No, no," she said, "I could tell you; but I won't."

She laughed at me and kept on drivin'. Well, I'm definitely gonna get the information from somebody, that's for sure.

We got to the Temple quick enough and met Funny Bones there. He still wouldn't say what he had been doin' all those hours we were gone.

Valkyrie gave up fightin' him for the answers, and she eventually led us into the Temple again. Wreath greeted us again and immediately moved on to a different room.

"Another one," he stated simple, gesturing to another body with the exact same fatal wound and the exact same note: "_You will not take our Savior from us_."

"You Necromancers should really step up the security," I muttered.

Valkyrie glared and pointed to the door. "Get out and don't cause any trouble." She and Funny Bones turned from me and began investigatin' the scene. I grumbled and stepped outside by the doors. I stood in silence for a while, but a pretty blond woman suddenly turned down into the same hallway I was in. She strutted towards me.

"Who are you?" she asked coldly.

"Billy-Ray Sanguine," I answered. "And you, pretty lady?"

She grimaced. "Melancholia. What are you doing here? Are you here with anybody?"

"I'm stuck with Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant to 'help' them with investigations. Though I ain't really helpin' since they forced me out here."

Melancholia smirked darkly. "Valkyrie Cain? You're with her?"

"Unfortunately."

"I've heard about you. You're the American assassin. And your life goal is to kill Valkyrie Cain, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. You gonna try and stop me?"

"No, by all means, kill her. I hate her."

"Oh, yeah?" Now I was intrigued. "Why is that?"

"She has been chosen to be the Death Bringer for us Necromancers, even though a great many of us have been Death Magic students far longer than she. And she gloated about it for so long, but she eventually let it all die down."

This was…fantastic.

"So what's in the job description for a Death Bringer, then?"

"They would raise the dead," she said matter-of-factly, "and essentially end the world."

"The end of the world though, doesn't that end with Darquesse?"

"Oh, you've heard of the prophecies about her?"

"'Her'?"

"Little Valkyrie Cain has a huge secret:" Melancholia whispered, "she _is_ Darquesse, and she _will_ bring about the end of the world, killing everything and everyone in her path, even the ones she loves. A suiting future for her depressing and pathetic existence, I would think."

She gave a small wave and almost ducked into the room when I grabbed her arm and muttered, "Thanks for that."

"Anything to get her down." She freed herself from my grip and joined the investigatin' group in the room.

By far this is the best information I've _ever_ heard.

* * *

><p>I dunno, I really love this chapter for some reason. Maybe it's vaguely boring, but I still like it. I also managed to write this whole chapter today (Sunday).<p>

ALSO.

GUISE.

I went to a flea market Saturday, and there was this stack of Shakespeare booklets with his plays and poems/sonnets in it. They were from the 1850s. I bought them all for only $15. It was pretty much the best moment of my life. Just in case you were wondering…You don't even KNOW how awesome they all are.

And unfortunately, I have suddenly fallen deathly ill with a terrible cold. I have been coughing so much and so hard that now my voice sounds like I've been smoking for 30 years.

It's fun.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	7. Drinkin'

Um. I don't own Lunchables. Yep.

* * *

><p>"We're done here, Sanguine," Valkyrie said, leavin' the little room with Funny Bones at her side. "Let's get moving."<p>

Funny Bones fell into stride next to her as we left the Temple briskly. The whole time I tried to fight back my laughter; all this new information about Valkyrie was just _too_ perfect. I can't _wait_ to use it against her.

"Did you receive the report on the first body?" Funny Bones asked quietly.

Valkyrie nodded. "It said what killed him was probably just a sharp stick – like a stake of sorts. There were splinters around the wound, too. It didn't say who wrote the note, but I guess they didn't check that. The stab obviously killed him instantly, as it pierced the heart."

"Simple and efficient, I suppose," Funny Bones muttered. "Did it say anything else about the murder?"

"No, and I have a suspicion that it'll come back with the same result on Victim #2."

Funny Bones nodded and stepped back onto ground. He headed towards his ridiculous car, while Valkyrie dragged me back to her own. We eased into the car, and she started the engine and followed Funny Bones.

"_Now_ where are we goin'?" The urge to call her Darquesse was over-powerin'.

"Back to the Sanctuary," she said, "to report to the Grand Mage about the Temple murders and to see if there's anything else that needs to be done."

"Do you have to refer to him as Grand Mage?" I asked. "Or can you call him Ghastly or whatever?"

"He doesn't care what we call him, but it's strange calling him Ghastly around you, Sanguine."

"Ahh, come on. We're best buddies, ain't we, Valkyrie?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be nice to you when we're both stuck in Hell for eternity."

"I can send ya there now if ya want, li'l darlin'."

She laughed shortly and remained silent for the rest of the car ride. We pulled to the side of the Sanctuary buildin' and followed Funny Bones right on in. Bespoke was talking to someone, so Funny Bones made us wait to talk to him. When he finished his pointless conversation, Bespoke gestured for us to head into his office. He sat down at his own chair, and Valkyrie sat across from him. Funny Bones stood behind her, and it was really hard for me to sit down without lookin' like an idiot with my still cuffed hands, so I stayed standin' too.

Funny Bones and Valkyrie took care of explainin' the situation for a while, but Funny Bones' phone suddenly rang. He took a look at the Caller ID and motioned that he had to leave. He raced from the room, and as he shut the door, I heard him say, "What did you find out?"

So then Valkyrie took over the murder tales. Bespoke nodded and jotted a few things down, and made sure that Victim #2's body was shipped to be examined by someone. Funny Bones returned a little later, lookin' a little tense.

"Ready for another stakeout?" Bespoke asked brightly.

"God no!" I shouted.

"This one is in a bar."

"Oh, well that's all right then."

Valkyrie smiled a little. "Who are we after?"

Bespoke handed over a little manila folder, and she scanned the contents as he spoke, "Christopher Choir has been recently stealing different things from around Ireland. Mainly, they're things that have been buried with the owners. So, he's been going around, digging up the coffins, disturbing the peace, and taking away items from the dead. Overall, a pretty nasty guy."

"Why kinda name is Christopher Choir for a thief?" I demanded.

"It says that his voice is so smooth and soft he can convince anyone to let him in anywhere and let him do whatever he wants. He can easily get by security with a few words," Valkyrie explained. "Kind of like hypnotics."

"Reliable sources say that he's been hanging around a specific bar as of late, just sitting around and drinking peacefully. Occasionally, he'll go home with someone, but only after _he_ makes the first move."

"So, do you want Valkyrie to sell herself to this guy?"

She death glared at me. Bespoke actually nodded though, sayin' that she was ideal for it. She wouldn't have to actually do anythin', but just pretend to go away with him and _then_ arrest him.

"I think it may end up being just you two again," Funny Bones said. "I have to keep working on something else."

Valkyrie groaned. "So I'm going to be stuck in a bar for possibly hours with only Sanguine?"

"You survived in the car with only for Sanguine," Funny Bones said as he was leavin', "can't you do it again?"

Valkyrie's lip curled. "Yeah, and those hours were the greatest of my life."

Funny Bones laughed as he left the room again. Bespoke took over and fully explained what we should do. It was pretty dang simple: 1. Find guy, 2. Charm guy, 3. Arrest guy, 4. Go home.

He gave us the address of the bar we were supposed to head to and sent us on our way. Valkyrie noticed that Funny Bones' car was missin'. She grumbled obscenities to the skeleton and climbed into her own car. I sat on down next to her. Again, Valkyrie drove on down to her own huge house in the little neighborhood. This time, when we entered the house, no stupid teleportin' kids were there. Valkyrie miraculously released my hands from the cuffs after she shut and locked the door.

"I trust you won't go and leave, then," she said. "I need to go upstairs and shower and change and everything. Stay downstairs here. If my uncle appears again, he now knows who you are, so don't come running up to me because I will personally cut you. Don't go into any of the rooms down here, besides the kitchen, living room, or bathroom. You are free to whatever food you find in the kitchen, but it's probably all rotten and molded by now."

She turned and began headin' up the stairs. She suddenly turned back.

"I'm being nice, Sanguine," she said simply. "Take up the offer now."

"Yeah, but why?"

She shrugged and removed her coat, revealin' strong muscled arms. Damn, girl.

"I figure if I'm still going to be stuck with you for the next few hours, we might as well start it off being nice to each other."

I nodded thoughtfully at her logic. "Makes sense, I guess." She smiled lightly and turned again to head to the stairs. "Uh, thank you muchly, then," I called out to her. Valkyrie waved in acknowledgement at me and kept climbin' the stairs. A few minutes later, I heard shower water runnin'.

I strode into the kitchen, searchin' for any type of food available. I peaked into the fridge and pulled out one of God's gifts to man: Lunchables. Dang, I hadn't realized I was that hungry until I ate one of the little crackers in it. I looked across to the dinin' table and noticed a thick novel sittin' there. It was titled, And the Darkness Rained Upon Them, with the author: Gordon Edgley.

So Edgley's gotta be Valkyrie's _real_ last name. Somehow I'll find out her given name, and I will _laugh _at it. Still, I cracked open the book and started readin' the first few pages.

When Valkyrie came downstairs, she laughed.

"I should have told you to leave the Lunchables alone!" she said cheerfully, grabbing a cracker from the plastic container and bitin' into it.

I put the book down and smirked and almost said something, but I stopped short at her outfit.

I'll say it was a _little_ black dress. It was tight, and it was short, and it was revealin' in the right places, and it was _hot_.

WHAT NO.

You stop this, Billy-Ray! Quick, say somethin' mean!

"You look like a tramp," I muttered.

Valkyrie cocked her head. "I'm supposed to, aren't I? Besides, I've got others that are far worse than this."

O-Others? I wonder what they're like…

Oh for God's sake! What is _wrong_ with me? Why is Valkyrie Cain, the person I've wanted to kill for over a decade, the person who's stolen my straight-razor a million times, the person who's verbally and physically _abused_ me time an' time again, suddenly so damn…hot? I ain't some pubescent boy anymore! I don't even think she's that pretty. Yeah, there're uglier people out there, but still. I've seen better.

I shook myself of my thoughts and watched Valkyrie move around the kitchen a minute. She stepped around so she was behind me, and I turned to keep watchin' her – oh you've gotta be kiddin' me. Valkyrie was bent over the counter with her own back to me. She was scribblin' stuff down in a little book and…oh goodness…bitin' into a banana…

"Can we go?" I asked loudly, tired of watchin' her go around like that.

Valkyrie turned to me and sighed, but shrugged and bent down to put on black heels that laced up. I stared at everythin' and anythin' but her. She stood back up and grabbed her car keys and gestured to head back out again. I debated about whether or not I should walk _behind_ her, but she had already grabbed my hand and was pullin' me along.

"I can walk on my own," I grumbled.

"Doesn't seem like you can."

Valkyrie picked up her pace and slipped into the car easily despite how tight her dress was. She revved the engine and raced off to the one bar where Choir man hung out.

We got the place soon enough. Before getting' out of the Mustang, Valkyrie produced a picture of our guy and showed me his face. She folded it up and literally stuck it down her dress.

"Can you keep my phone with you? I don't really have a good place for it with this horrible dress."

I wordlessly took her cell and dropped it in my coat pocket. Valkyrie smirked and climbed from the car slowly and entered the buildin' first. I followed right on after her and took a seat at the table she managed to snag.

Over the chatterin' and the loud music I asked, "So what's yer plan, li'l darlin'?"

Valkyrie shrugged. "I figured we'd just sit here, just watching the door."

I grumbled. Only stupid Valkyrie Cain could manage to make bein' at a bar borin'. We sat alone and in silence for a while, but I looked on over at Valkyrie. She was sittin' tall and straight…ugh, _protrudin'_ her chest out everywhere. She wasn't doin' it on purpose, nah, but still. Most twenty-somethin's have nice bodies, but since she's a freak and into all this crazy fightin', Valkyrie's got a better body than most girls her age, I'd say. From the brief glimpse I caught of her stomach area, I saw faint abs. 'Course, there was also that big ugly scar. I'm kinda wonderin' where she go-

"Stop staring at me," she suddenly said, her eyes turning to catch mine.

"I wasn't even lookin'!" I shouted, though that was a blatant lie.

"You definitely were."

"I don't have eyes, and I'm wearin' sunglasses. You can't tell where I'm lookin', li'l darlin', so hush up."

She smiled and leaned forward. "After years of spending time with and studying Skulduggery, I've learned to discover where he's looking, though he just has those eye sockets. I can tell where you were staring, and frankly, I now feel very awkward and rather violated."

Valkyrie folded her hands neatly on the table and stared at me straight. She broke eye contact when the bartender approached us.

"You gotta order something if you want to stay here," he said gruffly.

Valkyrie sighed and then answered, "How about anything with vodka in it?"

The bartender frowned but then turned to me anyways. "You?"

I looked at Valkyrie, not sure if she'd let me have anythin', but she nodded slowly, approvin'. I turned back to the guy and just said, "Any type of beer."

He forced a smile and tottered off and returned a bit later with drinks. He set them down hard on the old table and left briskly. Valkyrie offered her drink in a toast, and I complied _nicely_.

"Now, Valkyrie," I said after a little while, "I never would expect ya to be the girl who owns revealin' dresses like that and drink like that."

She shrugged. "And I always expected you to be a beer kind of guy, actually."

"Ah, but now I expected you to make some kind of remark like that, li'l darlin'."

"And I expected you to call me something like that."

"Okay, now I'm gettin' bored."

"Same." Valkyrie stretched and got up. "Be right back."

"Where ya goin'?"

"I'm going to check around the place and see if the guy's here yet. Hopefully I can catch his eye if he is and get him to make the first move." She downed her drink and disappeared into the crowd.

I sat back against my chair and suddenly noticed two girls starin' at me. I saluted 'em, smirkin' as they giggled. One girl shoved the other girl a little bit. The shoved girl winked and approached me.

"Howdy, ma'am," I greeted her.

She pointed to Valkyrie's empty seat. "Is she your girlfriend? Will she be coming back?"

"No, and yes."

"Will she mind?"

"I guarantee she won't."

The girl sat down, and I studied her behind my sunglasses. She had bright and fiery red hair, and she wore a skin-tight pink dress. I don't know nothin' 'bout fashion at all, but I guess you'd think the two colors would clash. Though, she still looked nice.

"May I have the pleasure of knowin' your name, li'l darlin'?"

She giggled again. "Rachel. Yourself?"

"Billy-Ray, li'l darlin'."

"Why are you still wearing sunglasses?"

I sighed and put on my sad face. "When I was young, my daddy dearest and I got into a car accident. He escaped fine, but I ended up…losin' an eye." I paused for her astonished gasp. "I wear this pair all the time so I don't cause any attention. I was ridiculed as a child for it…"

"Poor thing!" she cried and placed her hands on mine. "That must have been awful for you!"

"Yeah, yeah," I said, stretchin', "but I overcame it. That's life, huh?"

Rachel smiled lovingly and nodded. Her eyes suddenly darted upwards, and she looked a little nervous.

"Who have we hear?" Valkyrie asked from behind me.

I turned to her and shrugged. "This is Rachel, Miss Cinderella."

She glared at me hard. "Well," she said brightly suddenly, and turnin' to Rachel, "you should probably scurry off, Miss Rachel. This guy here is on probation, so you never know what to expect from him."

I tensed as Rachel gasped and moved away quickly. Valkyrie patted my arm and sat back down in her seat.

"Witch," I muttered.

"Oh, thank you."

"I coulda scored tonight!"

"No, you wouldn't have. I wouldn't have allowed it, really. Either I would force you come home with me and keep you locked up in a room with spells all around it, or dump you back off at the Sanctuary. Just because you are out of jail does not mean you are free, Sanguine. Remember that."

I snarled and watched sadly as Rachel left with her friend. Valkyrie was sittin' there, lookin' happy as can be, though.

"What sap story were you telling her anyway?" Valkyrie asked surprisin'ly. "I heard something about being ridiculed…?"

I laughed, "She asked why I was wearin' sunglasses. I told her that I lost an eye in a car accident with daddy dearest. She believed me."

"I've always been curious," Valkyrie admitted, "what _did_ happen to your eyes?"

"Eh, it's a long story. I don't feel like tellin' it now."

Valkyrie stuck out her tongue. "Where is this guy?" she groaned quietly.

"Probably with someone considerably more attractive than you."

She glared again and said, "Oh, like you don't find me the least bit attractive."

"Yeah, I don't."

"Judging from your reactions this evening, I'd say you do."

I glared and leaned closer to her. "I don't."

And we pretty much continued on like this for a while. Back and forth we went with mean comments about anythin' and everythin'. We didn't get angry enough to start beatin' each other up or whatever, but I think the couple of drinks we had helped with the friendliness. After another half an hour, Valkyrie looked up sharply and noticed our guy come waltzin' in the bar. She cracked her various joints and stood up.

"I thought he had to make the first move," I muttered.

"Yeah, he does. But I have a plan. A rather stupid and simplistic plan, but we'll see how it goes."

Valkyrie winked and strutted off. I turned and watched from afar.

Valkyrie had made her way over to the stool where our guy was sittin', and she said somethin' to him, makin' him nod and smile. She told the bartender somethin', and then stood still, standin' with her hands on her hips. I caught the dude eyein' her up vaguely. She received a drink from the bartender and was about to leave, but, as it turns out, the guy stopped her and began chattin' her up. Her back was turned to me, but he seemed to be laughin' a bit and smilin'. After maybe ten minutes, he motioned to the door, and Valkyrie nodded shortly and followed him. They disappeared back onto the streets. I waited about five minutes before throwin' some money (the Sanctuary was just kind enough to give me back all my possessions) on the table and gettin' up and leavin'.

I followed behind them closely, and I could hear 'em talkin', but couldn't quite make out the words. They kept walkin' for a few seconds before suddenly Valkyrie reached out and punched the guy square in the jaw. In about three seconds, she had him down on his knees with his hands held behind him by her own. She fished down into her, um, cleavage and produced a pair of handcuffs. Yeah, okay.

She waved me to move on over to where she parked her Mustang. She had the guy knocked out bad, so she just threw him into the backseat. Quickly, she started the engine and ushered me into the passenger seat. In just a few minutes, we were back to the Sanctuary, and so Valkyrie dumped the guy off there.

"Success," she muttered as she got back in the car.

"Yeah, glad you can dress up and act like a tramp. That's always a good talent."

"Oh, it _has_ come in handy before, Sanguine."

I looked at her funny, and she merely smiled back at me and drove on back to the huge house. She rushed back into the house and announced she had to shower and get out of that dress. She pointed to a room and said I could sleep there, since she was too lazy to take me back to jail. But hey, as much as I hate her, I'll sleep here in this nice bed for a few nights. I got bored waitin' around to ask her if I could actually shower decently myself, so I found my way over into her room.

It was a pretty standard room but just huge. She seemed pretty rich from inheritin' all this crap from her dead uncle or whatever, but most of the house had old kinda furnishings and stuff. I guess Valkyrie's not too frivolous, but still. If I had a ton of cash like that, I'd rush out there and go crazy for a while.

Another ten minutes later, and Valkyrie emerged from the bathroom connectin' to her room. She looked a little startled that I was sittin' in a chair in the corner, but she didn't order me out, but simply asked, "Can I help you?"

"Do I get to shower?"

"Oh…" She paused. "Um, yeah. I guess if you want."

"That'd be pretty great if I could, thank you, li'l darlin'."

She told me to have at it in the guest bathroom upstairs here, and I did. Havin' a shower that's _not_ in a jail is actually a pretty sweet deal. I ain't gonna describe my shower experience, really, but when I stepped out, I heard soft voices in the hallway. It sounded like Valkyrie was talkin' to her weird ghost uncle. I slipped on just pants and left my chest uncovered. When I came out of the bathroom, Valkyrie instantly stopped her conversation with her ghost uncle. He looked at me strangely and then dissipated, kinda. Valkyrie pushed herself up from the wall she was leanin' against and wandered back into her room. I followed softly and watched her curl up on her bed.

"You doin' all right?" I asked her, floppin' into the chair.

She shrugged. "Tired. Also my uncle keeps telling me I shouldn't allow a man who wants to kill me sleep here in my own house."

"That is rather stupid of ya, Valkyrie," I answered. "I could creep up and cut open your throat anytime durin' the night. Now just because we decided to be nice to each other tonight doesn't mean I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I still wanna wring yer neck."

Her eyes grew sharp quite abruptly. "You psychopath," Valkyrie growled, standing up from her curled up position on the bed. Wow, sudden onslaught of hatred towards ol' Sanguine.

"Yeah, I've claimed the title," I shot back, standin' up myself, "and you _will_."

She froze. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I heard you're gonna be the Death Bringer…and that you'll turn out to be the one to destroy the world…_Darquesse_."

Her eyes flared dangerously again as she stalked towards me, her black ring goin' wild. "You bastard," she breathed darkly. "Who told you? How long have you known?"

"Hey, maybe you can still change fate," I said, ignorin' all her questions. "Maybe you'll just be the Necromancers stooge and only raise the dead for them but do no killin' yourself. You won't have to kill everyone and everything ya love, in that case."

Her eyes darkened even further, and her eyebrows knitted together. "I hate you so much," she said lowly.

"The feelin' is mutual, pretty Valkyrie," I replied.

Her fists clenched tightly, and she let out a strangled little shriek. I was, for a tiny little minute, afraid she was gonna punch my lights out, but no. Her hands instead reached up and gripped my hair firmly, and she kissed me.

* * *

><p>Lolol this is long as heck.<p>

Ugh, I'm tired.

AAAAH RAPTURE TODAY…LOL JK You guys don't know nothin'. I was really excited when it hit 6 o'clock Germany time, and then I laughed even harder when it hit 6:01 my own time. This is so silly.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	8. Readin'

**From here on out, all chapters will have a warning for sexual themes. **

* * *

><p>I was so stunned at Valkyrie's display of affection, I flailed back, makin' Valkyrie release her hold on me.<p>

I took a deep breath and watched Valkyrie inhale and exhale deeply, her eyes wide and her face filled with horror.

"What the hell was that for?" I rounded on her. "I'm sorry, I always thought you were supposed to _hit_ the person you're fightin' – not go crazy like you just did!"

She didn't answer right away, but she eventually muttered, "What just happened?"

"That's a really great question, and I'm gonna be over here, waitin' for an answer from ya."

"I can't believe I just did that…"

"I can't believe it, either!"

"Oh shut up!" she shouted, suddenly turnin' to me. "Like you haven't been all _conflicted_ with your emotions lately!"

"Oh what? That time you were in your room? And with that stupid dress? You were practically half-naked! What else did ya expect from me? Did ya want me to avert my eyes?"

"Well, yes, you pervert!"

I scoffed and turned away. "Besides, my emotions ain't conflicted. I just reacted the way I did, 'cause, well, you _were_ half-naked. What's a man to do when faced with a body like that?"

She rolled her eyes. "You are ridiculous and a sexist," she stated simply.

"I do what I can," I replied, shruggin'.

"I hate you," she repeated ever so kindly.

I looked to her. And then suddenly somethin' forced me onto her, so _I _was the one with the hands everywhere and doin' the kissin'. I don't even know why. Maybe it was 'cause of the split second she was on me, 'cause when she was, it felt…nice. My main goal, really, in life ain't to get a bunch of women for myself or nothin', but I'll take what I can get, really. And with this bein' in jail for these past three years thing and whatever the hell our emotions are tellin' us, I kinda liked the idea of just a female companion.

Anyways, Valkyrie, in turn, thrashed away from me by a few feet and she shouted, "Okay! Now what was _that_?"

"…I ain't sure."

"I'm not either!"

"I just kinda liked the feelin', that's all," I muttered, rubbin' my neck.

Valkyrie tilted her head and sighed. She stepped back closer to me and placed a hand on my chest. Her doe eyes stared down my little black holes. Her eyes closed, and her lips rose to find my own. She kissed me softly at first, but at the sudden feelin' of our tongues together made me go practically crazy. I grabbed her waist harshly and fought for dominance. She resisted and tried winnin' herself, like I knew she would, but I still won her over by slammin' her against the wall and pressin' against her. When we broke apart, Valkyrie was pantin' like a dog, her face flushed, and her skin hot.

"Let's get one thing straight," she whispered, "I don't love you and you don't love me."

"Stop talkin'." I growled and clawed at her clothes.

"No." She pulled away my hands. "This will just be a one time thing. Suddenly all the stress of everything has gotten heavy, and this is why we're about to do…this. Also we were drinking earlier."

"Yeah, sure, sure." She was simply tryin' to justify herself, I could tell. I guess I'd perhaps be vaguely offended, but I didn't care.

"And we will never speak of this to anyone, got it?"

I groaned and stepped back, holdin' up my right hand. "I promise that I do not love you, that this is gonna be a one time thing, and that I'm just stressed over this detectivin' thing."

Valkyrie nodded once and suddenly jumped me; I backed up to the bed, and we collapsed on it.

Later, when I woke up in the middle of the night, and noticin' the blankets sprawled everywhere and the sleepin' Valkyrie next to me, I grinned.

I guess workin' "for the good of society" ain't all that bad.

* * *

><p>I woke up that mornin' when Valkyrie threw my clothes at my face. I groaned and sat up and stretched. She was standin' at the foot of the bed, already dressed.<p>

"Skulduggery called, asking how last night went," she stated simply. "I said that we got the guy, and that I kept you over here at the house and forced you into a room and kept you locked up."

"Ah, yeah, I assume you'd want to keep our _liaison_ a secret, li'l darlin'?"

Valkyrie crossed her arms. "If you wouldn't mind," she replied icily.

"Will do, li'l darlin'."

"Get up and get dressed. We need to now go raid Christopher Choir's house for the things he stole and get them back to the rightful owners."

I watched her race out the room. She seemed…cold. Most likely ashamed at what had happened. As I dressed, I thought about exactly what had gone on.

I mean, I definitely slept with a girl who absolutely wants to kill me, and I the same for her. There was no love last night, that's for sure. There was definitely lust and extreme want, but there was no love. But hey, we said we didn't love each other. I still think Valkyrie Cain is a horrible little brat, and I really hope she dies painfully.

Of course, I now gotta wonder what the heck has been goin' on in her mind these past days. Did she have less-than-pure thoughts 'bout me, too? I can't imagine that she would.

But, really now Sanguine, if she willingly let you do _that_, is she really all that innocent and saint-like? I always thought she was such a pure schoolgirl for such a long time, but maybe growin' up the way she did in this awful world turned her deadly and sinful. But I've got my own sins too, so no judgin' here, _promise_.

I finished dressin' and waltzed out the door and downstairs to the kitchen.

"What's the plan?" I asked Valkyrie. Uncle Ghost was floatin' in the corner, lookin' sour.

"Skulduggery should be here soon," Valkyrie answered. "It'll be a long day; you need to eat something."

I slipped past her and placed a slice of bread in the toaster. I noticed Funny Bones pull up outside the house in his ancient car. He was strollin' up to the door when I heard Valkyrie breath, "Not a _word_, Gordon."

I pivoted and stared at Uncle Ghost and Valkyrie. "No guarantees," Uncle Ghost muttered back.

Oh God, he must know! Crap, if he tells, I'll be killed. He must have heard all the, um..._noises_.

"No need to go speechless as I enter a room," Funny Bones said happily. "Good morning, Gordon, Valkyrie, Sanguine."

"Howdy, Funny Bones."

"Capturing the guy went fine, I suppose?"

"Yeah, no real hitches or anything," Valkyrie added. "We were there for a long time before he showed up, but I insulted Sanguine many times, so it's all right now."

"Always a fun pastime."

The toast I made popped from the toaster, and I bit into it quickly. Uncle Ghost was glarin' at me real hard. Valkyrie could tell he was glarin' at me, but she tried to ignore this fact and continue talkin' with Funny Bones.

"So, what were you working on last night where you couldn't join us?" she asked, forcin' a smile.

"I can't say, really," Funny Bones responded.

"Well then I'll just have to sit here and speculate wildly about what you were doing all last night."

For the next hour, Valkyrie continuously shouted out stupid things Funny Bones coulda been doin' last night. I managed to restrain myself to not yell at her to shut the heck up, but when she continued as we climbed out of Funny Bones' stupid car, I turned to her and shouted, "Would you _shut_ yer damn mouth? You're pissin' me off!"

She closed her mouth. "So sorry," she growled and pushed on past me.

I watched her walk on into the buildin' and then noticed Funny Bones starin' at me funny. His head was tilted to the side, like he was thinkin' real hard about something. I slunk past him, avoidin' his rather unnvervin' gaze.

I didn't know which room from this apartment buildin' we were in belonged to this Choir man, but Sanctuary agents kept comin' up and down the stairs, pretty much leadin' me to the room. Bespoke stood outside the room, talkin' with Valkyrie.

"I'm surprised you managed to catch him still while toting Sanguine around," Bespoke said happily. "Very nice work, Valkyrie."

She shrugged. "Sanguine's subdued now, I'd say."

"Maybe he'll stay like that, then."

"I'd really hope so."

"I hate you," I muttered, walkin' past 'em. I entered Choir's apartment and immediately wanted to leave. Daddy dearest was there, standin' in the corner. He almost instantly noticed me and shuffled over to me. I noticed his hands were cuffed together in the front.

"Good morning, son," he greeted me.

"Howdy," I replied coldly.

"Someone's upset."

"I only act this way for you, daddy dearest."

"How very nice of you."

I removed my sunglasses and picked at the frames. My gaze shifted over to Valkyrie as she stepped into the complex with Funny Bones behind her. They were both carryin' empty cardboard boxes.

"Sanguine!" Valkyrie called. "Get over here!"

I snarled and strolled over to her, but not before hearin' daddy dearest mutter, "Whipped…" I glared at him for a while, but Valkyrie finally called for me again.

"What do you want?" I asked when I approached her.

"We're here to get recollect all the things he stole," she said. "Help me find these things, please."

Valkyrie thrust a paper in my hands with names of objects written on them. A few objects had little drawins' of what they looked like. So, for the next hour or so, Valkyrie and I argued over whether or not this object looked like this drawin'. I wanted to die. And besides, I kept thinkin' about last night, which made things quite awkward. It got even worse when Valkyrie kept bendin' down all over the place to dig around in huge piles of junk in this dude's place. Dang!

We spent another solid hour picking up bits of crap in the list, but then Valkyrie stumbled upon something that wasn't on anyone's list at all. The object itself was a bright turquoise-y color, with a square pad on a little rectangle that jutted out from a sphere. The sphere was probably no bigger than 6 inches in diameter, I'd say. Valkyrie kept hittin' the square, since it was like a button. But no matter what she did, nothin' happened. The sphere didn't open or nothin'.

"Skulduggery, have you ever seen this?" Valkyrie asked him after playin' with the stupid thing for a bit.

He stopped his searchin' and examined the thing for a while. "I can't say that I have seen it, no," he managed to mutter. "Where did you find it?"

"It was just buried under a huge pile of clothes and artifacts and stuff. I can't get it to do anything, though. This square pushes in, but I don't know what it's supposed to do."

"We'll take it around and definitely go see China about it then," Funny Bones stated determinedly. He handed his box to a plain little guy to the side. Daddy dearest waved goodbye to me while still cuffed as we left the buildin'. Valkyrie explained the situation to Bespoke as Funny Bones started up his stupid car. Valkyrie beckoned me into her own car. She revved the engine and placed the object on the seat behind us.

"Stop being stupid about last night," Valkyrie muttered surprisin'ly after a while in silence. "No one can find out, got it?"

"Yeah, whatever. I ain't tryin'. I bet I'd be horribly killed if anyone ever found out."

Valkyrie laughed and nodded, agreein' with my statement. We drove on for a while after that, but then, completely out of NOWHERE, a giant freakin' _thing_ slammed into the Mustang. Valkyrie shouted in surprise and jumped from the car before the thing could do it again. I flipped out of the door myself and rolled along on the ground a few feet away. I looked up and watched as Valkyrie tried punchin' and kickin' at a little green flyin' dude. He dodged each of her half-hearted attacks and swiped away at her face with huge claws. The talons contacted her and almost instantly blood poured from the wounds.

"Get up and help!" I heard Funny Bones shout suddenly. His ancient car was parked up ahead. He sprinted to try and help Valkyrie, but stopped when this thing stabbed the windows of the car and tore from it the little green object we found. Valkyrie swore profusely and tried to take him down, but the thing screeched insanely loudly and beat its wing and flew up and away. Funny Bones skidded to a stop next to Valkyrie and checked her wounds.

"Do they hurt badly?" he asked urgently.

Valkyrie numbly shook her head and removed her jacket, placin' it against her cheek and cleanin' up most of the blood. "I should still probably get these cleaned up," she muttered.

"Can you drive?"

"I should be fine."

Valkyrie kicked away the glass from the windows and flopped into the driver's seat. She turned the key and managed to get the car started again. Funny Bones came and stood by me as she drove off.

"Now what?"

"Now," Funny Bones said, "we go back to her uncle's home and try to find information on that object. Or whatever the heck that thing that stole it was."

He gestured for me to hurry it up. We both slid into the front seat, and Funny Bones sped off, goin' down the roads quick. Funny Bones pulled to the curb of the house after a bit, and he rushed straight in, goin' upstairs fast. I followed behind. He stopped at a dark door and swung it open.

"Gordon?" he called out.

Uncle Ghost materialized next to a box on a wooden desk. "Hello there, Skulduggery!" He waved happily to Funny Bones, and then glared at me, sayin', "And…Sanguine. Where's Valkyrie?"

Funny Bones calmly explained the situation to Uncle Ghost who got angrier as the story progressed. When Funny Bones wrapped it all up, he was just glarin' hard at me. Uncle Ghost answered a cold negative when Funny Bones asked if he had ever heard of the little green object or those little flyin' dudes. Apparently, Valkyrie's uncle believed _I _was responsible for her injuries.

"Hey, she's gonna be fine," I grumbled.

Uncle Ghost curled his lip and suddenly disappeared.

Funny Bones turned and said, "Any particular reason Gordon has an intense hatred for you?"

"Can't think of anythin', nope."

Funny Bones had removed his strange little disguise during the whole explanation or Valkyrie's whereabouts, and now he just stood there, fully exposin' his skull. His own black eye sockets kept starin' at me, like he was readin' my mind, and discoverin' the fact that I had, _indeed_, went to bed with Valkyrie.

"Well!" he suddenly said incredibly happily. "We should get reading."

He strode to a bookcase and selected a few thick volumes from the shelves. He tossed a few at me, and I watched him hunker on down in a large chair. He flipped through the pages for a few minutes, and when he realized I wasn't doin' anythin', directed me. I sat down in my own chair and flipped through the pages as well, scannin' for anything about that little creature or the green object.

A few hours later, and Valkyrie burst into the room. She looked considerably exhausted, but otherwise, her injuries were completely gone. Funny Bones watched her wordlessly pick up her own book and collapse on a couch in the corner. Valkyrie flipped open to a random page and began readin' herself. And so, I spent the _whole_ _night_ readin' in the study of the angry uncle of the girl I had actually went to bed with and her mentor, who will certainly _kill_ me if ever found out.

* * *

><p>Um, yeeah! Valguine<p>

I made it to about half-way through this chapter before I had to stop and plan the whole dang thing out. I spent about two hours all together typing my plans for this out. I'm not 100% positive on the ending for it, but I know what basically needs to happen. Yeeep.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	9. More Dang Readin'

I looked up as a loud _thunk_ sounded in the study. Valkyrie had managed to fall asleep sittin' cross-legged on the couch, and she had dropped her book on the floor. Funny Bones shut his own book and muttered that he hadn't found anythin'. I placed the volumes I had gotten on a pile on the desk.

"What to do with her?" I asked, pointin' at Valkyrie.

Funny Bones stepped up next to me and very gently scooped Valkyrie into his arms. She stirred but quieted when Funny Bones dumped her in her room. He gave an awkward wave and descended the stairs. The clock down the hall struck Lord-why-are-you-still-up o'clock, so I very quickly meandered to the free room and promptly collapsed on the bed.

* * *

><p>Valkyrie woke me up at an ungodly early hour for when I had actually gotten to sleep. She still looked pretty tired, though. I asked why the heck couldn't I have slept more.<p>

"We need to get to China's," was her short response.

I sat up and adjusted the clothes I had slept in. "China?"

"Not the _country_, the woman. Well, more specifically, her library. So hurry up, Skulduggery apparently has some thing later."

"A social gathering?"

Valkyrie shrugged and led the way from the room. "I guess so. He's very secretive about it, whatever it is."

I agreed and trotted on down the stairs after her. Funny Bones was leanin' on the railin' of the stairs, waitin'. He ushered us out the door quickly, forcin' me into the back of his stupid car, and Valkyrie in the front. I noticed her Mustang was gone.

For a time, Funny Bones drove along the windin' roads and only stopped at an old lookin' building. We climbed up some obnoxious stairs, and I trailed behind, bringin' up the rear. Funny Bones knocked on a door at the end of all the stairs, and a tubby guy answered it. He stood to the side to let us pass through. He gave me a strange look, but still let me go on through anyway. Funny Bones continued to lead the way, and he only stopped when we reached a mahogany desk with a black-haired lady seated delicately at a regal chair.

"Good afternoon," she greeted us, liftin' her head up and OH GOD.

"Avert ye eyes, Sanguine," Valkyrie muttered in my ear, but I ignored her and pushed past her.

"'Afternoon, ma'am," I said.

Funny Bones sighed behind me as he said, "China Sorrows, this is Billy-Ray Sanguine. I'm sure he's tried to kill you in the past."

"I believe he probably has," the goddess in front of me laughed. _Ohh_, her laugh was like bells in the wind. Her eyes twinkled in the light. "Lovely to see you again, Mr. Sanguine."

I gulped and nodded once or twice and after spluttered out, "I think I love you…"

Valkyrie groaned. "China, stop it."

China Sorrows laughed that absolutely beautiful laugh again. "I'm sorry – it's just fun." She smiled and looked directly at me, and then I suddenly didn't care as much.

"Um, what just happened?"

"You fell in love with me," China Sorrows answered simply. "It happens to even the best of men. Don't worry about it, Mr. Sanguine."

"O-Oh."

"What are you here for, then?" China asked, gettin' up and addressin' Funny Bones.

He explained quickly what had happened over the past few days. China said she had never heard of the object Funny Bones was describin' to her. Valkyrie joined in, sayin' we just needed to find any books that might have information on the object or thing that attacked us. China pointed down a long row of shelves, sayin' we could find creature books down there, and then stupid lookin' object books down a few aisles. Funny Bones stole on down to the creature section, while Valkyrie dragged me down to the object part.

She scrutinized the book spines, pickin' out the interestin' ones and then throwin' them at me.

"My eyes are gonna fall out if I have to keep readin'," I moaned after ten minutes of this routine.

"Good thing you have no eyes," she replied shortly and matter-of-factly.

"Ah, got me there, li'l darlin'."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and hunkered against a wall and cracked open her book. I watched her read for a while, but she finally got mad at me and threw a hardback at my face. I shouted profanities at her in my head but otherwise kept quiet. For what seemed like _eternity_, I sat readin'. Valkyrie would occasionally think she found something, but the writin' would then go on to say that the object had been destroyed years and years ago. I had thought I found somethin' similar to the green thing, but it turned out to be a fake object. Yeah, I dunno either. Finally, after another hour of sittin' there, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are we _still_ here?"

"Oh, stop whining."

"But, seriously! This is pointless. We ain't gonna find anythin'. Can't we just leave?"

"And do what? Sit around and twiddle our thumbs while a whole ton of people die?" Valkyrie cried. "No, we're staying here whether you like it or not."

"I can think of probably a hundred more productive more things than sittin' here, _readin'_."

"Yeah? Like what?"

I didn't say anythin'. Valkyrie had turned her attention back to her book then. I threw my volume down on the ground and got up.

"Where are you doing?" she demanded.

"To go find Funny Bones; I'd rather be with him than you."

"Fine by me."

I turned and stormed away from her. I heard her mumble something as I left her, but I let it go. As I weaved all around the shelves and bookcases and people sprawled out, I suddenly heard someone talkin'. And that someone was Funny Bones for sure. He had to have been talkin' to someone on his cell phone, since I couldn't hear another voice on the other end. The library was abnormally quiet over in the weird creature book area, which is why I could hear his conversation so clearly.

It seemed like they had just began talkin', as Funny Bones was sayin, "We're managing. How have you been doing? …You haven't gotten anything, then? …Yes, we're doing some painful research, too. …Valkyrie's injuries are fine. She's mostly just incredibly tired. …No. I'm sure she doesn't need any flowers. The Edgley's aren't able to keep plants alive for more than a week. Her uncle tried and failed horribly all the time. …I'll meet you at the same time, same place tomorrow, all right?"

The next moment, he hung up. Huh, who was he talkin' to? Hair Boy? That Wreath guy? Bespoke?

I stepped into the aisle to confront him about it. "Who were you talkin' to, Funny Bones?"

He was silent for a moment. "No one important. What do you need?"

"Valkyrie's pissin' me off. I came to find you."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear it."

Funny Bones wordlessly handed me a book as he flipped open to a page in a book he was holdin'. I examined the title and sighed. Horrible Creatures of the Night with Horrible Abilities.

Sounds like some great readin' material.

* * *

><p>Okay, yeah, yeah, short and lame. I know. I need a few filler chapters before I can get back to the good stuff, got it? Bear with me for a few chapters, 'cause I <em>promise<em> it will get considerably more awesome.

I'm excited to get past these few chapters though, so they should hopefully be done marginally quickly. Um, so yeah.

Thank so much for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	10. Discoverin'

One week later, and still _nothin'_.

Practically everyday Valkyrie and Funny Bones had dragged me back to that stupid library with old people and old books, and the dust on 'em made me sneeze a lot.

Though finally, as I stared at the ceilin' and played with my razor, Valkyrie _squeaked_ and began shakin' me.

"Sanguine! Sanguine, Sanguine! I found it! It's this thing!" She shoved the moldy book in my face. The page had a black and white picture of the little object, and a little paragraph next to it. The paragraph read:

_"The Erfassen originated in Germany in 1556. It's elemental creator, Johannes Sinnlos, built it to steal away the power of his enemies, the Necromancers. He colored it green so it would not be mistaken as its black counterpart that could steal away adept power (which his brother, Rolf, created to get back at their mother). The square pad located on the front of the Erfassen has a certain code that must be put it. The code can only be changed by chanting a certain spell, though the spell is unknown to this date. Once the chant is over, one may change the code to whatever they wish._

_Inputting said code will allow the sphere on top to open. Once the sphere is open, it will immediately drain any Necromancers of all powers. It begins on the closest Necromancer. No one is sure of the range of the Erfassen. The target does not have to be dead for the Erfassen to take effect, but from witnesses, less damage is done with the target is alive._

_The Erfassen is dangerous to any Necromancer, especially to the powerful. If the famed Death Bringer comes near it, every ounce of their strength will be taken from them, rendering them useless for eternity."_

I stopped readin' and looked at Valkyrie. "Did you even read this?"

"No, why?" she asked, still a big smile.

"If it comes near you, the Death Bringer, you'll be turned into a vegetable."

Her smile vanished almost instantly. She scanned the article quickly, frowin' the whole time. When she finished readin' it, Valkyrie swore really loud and got up and strutted off. I staggered up and followed her as best as I could, but she kept takin' all these turns through the labyrinth of shelves. She abruptly stopped right in front of Funny Bones and shoved the book at him.

He read the page rapidly and nodded once. "Speaking of Necromancers, I just received a call from Wreath; someone else is dead. We're supposed to head over to the Temple soon."

Valkyrie groaned and headed to the front to ask to take the book from the library. Funny Bones stepped in front of me and gestured to follow him. The three of us raced through the library. Funny Bones thanked China on the way out. I avoided lookin' at her. Valkyrie climbed into the front of Funny Bones' stupid car, and I slid into the back. He started the car and swerved along the roads to the Temple.

I felt particularly epic as Valkyrie led the way down underground to the Temple. I was beginnin' to get used to this stupid place. Wreath greeted us when we stepped into the tunnels and gave a rundown on what had happened. I wasn't really payin' attention. Mostly, I was just watchin' Valkyrie walk. Eh, I got no shame.

Funny Bones moved around and examined the fresh body in a room. This guy seemed considerably bloodier than the rest of the victims. It was nice.

I hung out in the back of the room, but then that weird Melancholia chick approached me.

"Have you used the information against her yet?" she asked quietly.

"Um, yeah, definitely." I did end up tellin' Valkyrie what I knew…however we ended up doin' the dirty after…

"Is she crushed?"

"Oh hi, Melancholia!" Valkyrie suddenly said, jumpin' over to her.

"Hello."

"Ah, come on! Be happy! I'm here!"

"One of your comrades is dead, and you don't even care."

"Eh, I never knew him, Mel."

"Call me that one more time, and I will kill you."

"Okay, have fun with that."

"I will."

"Sure."

Melancholia's frown grew so deep that she finally just gave up and stomped off. Valkyrie smiled and said, "She hates me."

"Oh, now really? I couldn't tell."

Valkyrie smiled again and skipped back off to Funny Bones. They spent the next half hour or so examinin' the body. Valkyrie ordered a few guys to ship the body off to the same place they had been before, and then we all left. We passed by Melancholia again, and Valkyrie happily waved goodbye to her. I thus realized Valkyrie is truly evil.

* * *

><p>"Well, I guess it turns out that Christopher Choir was connected to these Necromancer murders," Valkyrie said.<p>

"Ah, yeah, that's cool," Hair Boy muttered.

"Hush, Fletcher."

Another week after our discovery and this new death, Funny Bones was out bein' mysterious; Hair Boy was bored and hangin' around Valkyrie; I was forced to hang around Valkyrie; and said Valkyrie was tryin' to work, but apparently some awesome movie was on the television. It was late at night when she finally threw her papers on the ground and flopped down onto the couch next to me. She curled her legs forward, so her chin was restin' on her knees. Her leg was just barely touchin' my own thigh. I briefly wondered if Hair Boy would be alarmed at the position, but his eyes were glued to the television, too.

When the film finished, Valkyrie got back up to try and work again. I dunno what she could have been workin' on, since Funny Bones had the case file, but apparently she was bein' productive. Maybe she was just distractin' herself for the fun of it, I dunno.

"If that clock is right, I should probably be going…" Hair Boy suddenly announced.

"It is actually midnight, yes."

"Yeah, I need to go. I'll see you later, Valkyrie, Sanguine." Hair Boy gave a wave and teleported away.

So here we were…totally alone…late at night.

Valkyrie got up and stretched. "I need a shower."

"Thanks for sharin'."

"Anytime."

She ascended the stairs, and I could hear her turn on the shower water a bit later. I slowly got bored and decided what I could find upstairs instead. When I stepped onto the second floor, Uncle Ghost rounded the corner.

He took one look at me and said, "Don't even _think_ about touching her again."

"Oh."

"I'm warning you."

"Duly noted, thank you, Uncle Ghost."

He simply crossed his arms and glared hard for a while. I got uncomfortable under his gaze and ducked into Valkyrie's room. I flopped down onto her bed and waited until she came out. What I wanted to happen after she came from her bathroom, I dunno. I had no intention of 'touchin' her' like that again, but when Valkyrie came back into her room, she again was half-naked. She had cotton shorts on her bottom, and man's immortal enemy: the bra on her top. I caught site of that nasty scar on her chest again.

"Seriously!" she screamed. I dodged a hairbrush thrown at me. "You're in here again! Why? What is your problem?"

"I-I, um, I was just um –"

"Stop staring at my chest like that!"

"You can't see where I'm lookin'!"

"Yes I can! You're staring at my –" she paused to gesture to her chest, "– and it's freaking me out! Now stop!"

I threw my arm over my face so I couldn't see her. Bein' satisfied, Valkyrie shuffled around the room. I heard drawers openin' and fabric rustlin'. The bed dipped next to me, so only then did I open my eyes.

"Awful perverted little jerk," she growled.

"Again, how was I supposed to know you'd be half-naked, li'l darlin'? Do you want me to be psychic? I can get workin' on that right away."

I looked to Valkyrie and smirked. Her face remained plain and emotionless, though. I thought again she was gonna reach over and punch me, but I abruptly found myself on my back with Valkyrie herself hoverin' over me. She reached down and kissed me hard and frantic, but I didn't mind. I got sick of bein' bottom, so I pried her hands from the buttons on my shirt and rolled over so I was on top. Valkyrie didn't really seem to mind and kept workin' at my shirt.

"I thought that this was just a one time thing?" I muttered in her ear as she shifted to allow me to yank off her shirt.

"Yeah, forget about that," she muttered back and wrapped her legs completely around my waist, and we both caved in and let it all happen again.

* * *

><p>Strange chapter, no? Short and lame again, yeah, yeah. Keep patiently waiting for me to get it back on track and back to good plot stuff~<p>

Question: Am I using, like, good metaphors and such for their romantic liaisons? I hope I'm being subtle and classy, but still getting my point across and stuff…

So thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	11. Searchin'

LOLOL I SHOULD REALLY BE STUDYING FOR MY FINAL EXAMS.

Also someone on DeviantArt is using my icon for the preview picture of their story. It makes me laugh.

* * *

><p>"Get up, get up, get up!"<p>

For the second time, I awoke to clothes bein' thrown at my face. I rose and sat up on Valkyrie's bed, smirkin' at last night's events.

"Wipe that grin off and get dressed!" Valkyrie whispered frantically, desperately throwin' on her black clothin'.

"Why?" I groaned and fell back down.

"There's someone in the house! If they catch us –"

She didn't need to finish. I grabbed my pants and boxers and hastily pulled them up onto me. The floor creaked nearer and nearer to her door, and they got so close that Valkyrie grabbed my arm and literally pushed me out of the room. I stumbled and looked up to see Funny Bones.

"Heeey!" I greeted him and scratched my head. "'Mornin'!"

"Any particular reason you were thrown from Valkyrie's room?" he asked calmly. "And why you're shirtless and your pants are not completely done up?"

I noticed that I had failed at buttonin' them…I had to think _fast_ to save us. "I slept like this," I blurted. "I slept, ya know, without my shirt, and I went into Valkyrie's room to see if she was up yet to ask what was happenin' today. She got sick of me buggin' her, so she threw me out and here we are now."

He nodded slowly. "I'll be downstairs," he eventually said.

Valkyrie poked her head out of her door and sighed. "What'd you say to him?"

"I slept like this and had gone to see you this mornin'." I slipped on my shirt and tried to make it less wrinkled.

Valkyrie shook her head and quickly grabbed me and dragged me to a different room across the hall. A chest of drawers was off to the side in this new regal room, and she drew a new and crisp white shirt from a top drawer. Valkyrie held it out expectantly to me before she gave up and threw it at my face. I slipped my arms through the sleeves. Not a bad fit, I'd say.

"Whose is this?"

"My uncle's."

"He hates me; I don't think he'd want me wearin' his shirts…"

"He's dead, it's fine."

Valkyrie dragged a brush through her hair and pulled it altogether into a ponytail. She jammed her hands into her pockets and led the way downstairs while I finished dressin' on the way down.

Funny Bones was leanin' up against the doorway into the kitchen when he came down. Valkyrie grabbed a loaf of bread and threw two slices into the toaster.

"Sleep well?" Funny Bones asked quietly.

Valkyrie visibly tensed. "Fine, thank you."

"Marvelous. We've got a long day ahead of us."

"Really now? What's the plan?"

Funny Bones explained that a police station up in the north of Ireland received a call about a strange creature flyin' overhead. The police tried to investigate it, but they didn't get anythin'. _Conveniently_, a Sanctuary agent works with that specific police station, so they reported the creature back to the Sanctuary officials. Bespoke figured the description of the thing was close enough to what attacked us the other day, so he sent Funny Bones to get me and Valkyrie to head out north to see if we can find where the big thing went.

Man, if that's not a fun day, I honestly do _not_ know what is.

The toast popped up in the silence and freaked out Valkyrie. She threw one slice at me and held the other one in her mouth. Funny Bones strode from the room silently, gesturin' to get movin'. I followed right after him, with Valkyrie behind. I, bein' a gentleman, held the front door open for her, and I turned back 'cause there was Uncle Ghost lookin' mighty pissed. I gave a short wave and slammed the door shut.

Funny Bones led us to his stupid car, but I looked and noticed the Mustang was back. The doors and glass were all fixed and intact, and I couldn't see any dents anywhere.

Valkyrie commented on it, sayin', "Thank God they fixed it up again."

"That was particularly fast," Funny Bones responded. "They're never that fast with my car."

"Skulduggery, they just like me better."

"You are the prettier one."

"Of course I am."

Some people would find this cute. I find this dang obnoxious.

Valkyrie skipped ahead and slid into her front seat, while Funny Bones took the wheel. I maneuvered into the back.

"How far do we gotta go?"

"It's about two hours until we find the spot of the sighting. Sit back and be quiet until then."

"Will do."

I settled back just as Funny Bones was startin' the car. Valkyrie folded her arms and seemed very determined to stare out the front window.

So. It would seem I haven't been the only one thinkin' about our previous _love_ _affair_. I had definitely thought Valkyrie would for sure make that a one-time thing. She seemed so icy and kinda ashamed that next mornin', and I had really thought she'd have thrown me back into the Sanctuary prison.

Was I good? Ha, of course I was. And Valkyrie had to of thought so too…

And she's not too bad herself, either. She does tend to bite which _does_ get annoyin' and painful after a while. Though I'll take that if I can keep scorin' like this all the time. Valkyrie never flat out said that last night would be the last time, and even if she did, I wouldn't have believed her anyways. We all know how _well_ she stood by her statements after that, huh? That first time Valkyrie came up with justifications of doin' it, but this second time she just went at it, not carin'. I don't really care either. Like I said, if I can keep scorin', it's _fine_.

I kept thinkin' 'bout how I just moved my hand, and while I had no intention of touchin' that huge ugly scar on her stomach, the second my fingers made contact, Valkyrie hitched up and slapped my hand away. I figured she'd get really ticked at me if I called her out on it, so I let it go. I'm beginnin' to wonder where in the world she got that ugly mark.

For the rest of the car trip, my mind wandered, and I thought 'bout anythin' and everythin'. I guess at some point, I was starin' directly at the back of Valkyrie's head 'cause she suddenly whipped around and told me to stop it. I tried defendin' myself, but she wouldn't hear it. Ice cold and able to see through the back of her head, I see.

Funny Bones finally turned off of a dirt road and drove his stupid car through a good deal of forest before we could keep goin' on. So Funny Bones and Valkyrie climbed out in sync, and I followed after them. Funny Bones said that'd he'd take me and go off to the left. Valkyrie would take the right and call us if she found anythin'.

Valkyrie nodded and immediately set off. She soon disappeared from my sight. Funny Bones muttered somethin', and he started off as well. I trailed behind him.

"What are we even doin'?"

"We're looking for any signs of that creature."

"Yeah, but what would those signs be?"

"Footprints, claw marks, mauled animals."

"Oh, that sounds lovely."

In silence, Funny Bones kept leadin' the way. He continually kept stoppin' to brush the ground, searchin' for any clues or whatever.

"In all honesty," he abruptly said, "answer me: do you still want to kill Valkyrie?"

"I do," I answered right away. "In fact, I would say that spendin' all this time with you two has made me hate you two even more. I still remember how good it felt to slap her that one time."

"When will you kill her?"

"Whenever I wanna, Funny Bones."

He looked at me. "You won't be able to escape. You won't be able to get too far."

"Well, it's not like I'm gonna kill her anytime soon." I got out my razor and toyed with it. "No, I do plan on waitin', no matter how much I'll _hate_ doin' that."

"Why will you wait? It'd be easier for you to sneak up on her at her own home and end her there."

"Do you _want_ her dead or somethin'?"

"Of course not," he argued angrily. "I'm curious as to why you _don't_ want her dead yet."

"Funny Bones, I wish her dead every wakin' moment. But I don't wanna cowardly kill her, nope. She needs to go out with a fight. I want to see the look in her eyes as she thinks she can beat me and arrest me _again_. But then I want to see that horror-struck gaze. The one where she knows she's cornered and can't move and won't escape. And I wanna laugh as she bleeds out on my own hands as I drive my razor into her lungs. And I wanna pat her shoulders reassurin'ly, lettin' her know she failed. I will _wait_ however long it takes 'til she's completely dead. The longer I wait, the better. The more painful it is for her, the happier I'll be.

"But then when she's discovered, and you, Funny Bones, come racin' after me, I'll be gone. You won't find me. Perhaps I'll run to Italy or back on home to Texas. Anywhere, really. But I'd probably lay low with the killin' once I get Valkyrie. I will destroy her if it is the last thing I do. As long as she dies 'fore me, but I go right after, I'll be fine. We can meet up in Hell and battle for as long as we want. Maybe you'll join us down there at some point. Funny Bones, I practically _need_ to kill Valkyrie. If I don't, I do believe I'd go insane."

"I think you already have," he replied gruffly.

"I get bored in jail. I start thinkin' up fantasies of you and all your stupid friends dyin' in the worst possible ways."

He laughed and shook his head and picked up his pace. A few hours later, after searchin' all around this stupid forest, Valkyrie called us. Funny Bones put his cell phone on loudspeaker so we could all hear her.

"I definitely found a trail of destruction," she said simply. Her breath seemed short.

"Marvelous," Funny Bones replied. "Where are you?"

"Well, it's hard to describe," she muttered. "Pretty much head right for a while, and…um, start calling for me."

"Sounds like a dumb plan," I groaned.

"You come up with something better, then, dumb cowboy."

"Ouch. Don't get the cowboys all mixed up in this, pretty Valkyrie."

She almost replied, but Funny Bones quickly said goodbye and hung up. He pulled me along with him by my coat sleeves. We walked on for a good deal of time before we heard a faint, "Skulduggery?"

"Valkyrie!" he shouted back. We listened, and then a bit off a ways forward we heard her laugh and call back to us. I ducked around trees and shrubs, callin' for her.

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

Valkyrie poked her head around a tree and waved at me.

"Oh great, that took forever."

She glared at me and told me to hurry up. She led me through a maze of branches and eventually stopped. Funny Bones was studyin' a tree intensely.

"Did that tree kill yer family or somethin'?" I asked.

He stopped his examinin' and stared at me. "No, it did not, Sanguine."

"It'd be best if you kept your mouth shut for a while," Valkyrie whispered. She stepped around me and pointed up north and said, "So, you can see the branches everywhere on the ground. They were obviously ripped very violently from the trees up top. I've noticed a few scraggly looking footprints in the dirt, and they don't resemble human feet at all."

Funny Bones bent down and looked at some piles of dirt around us. "Let's go hunting, then."

Valkyrie nodded and took the lead. Funny Bones followed directly after her, carryin' a _big _gun. I followed right along, tryin' my best to step on all the twigs.

"My God, are you stepping into foot deep piles there, Sanguine?" Valkyrie moaned after a while.

"Valkyrie, are you callin' me fat?"

She turned to me. "How…What? Anyway, stop stepping on all the sticks. It echoes everywhere."

She kept on walkin', but then stopped at another stick breakin'. "What did I just say?" she growled.

"That wasn't me, li'l darlin'."

Her brows furrowed, and her eyes scanned the area. Funny Bones cocked his gun quietly and held it upwards. Valkyrie hunched slightly and summoned a big black ball of shadows in her hand. All around us it was silent.

And then another twig snapped.

In a second, the two partners turned to the sound and fired their weapons. Funny Bones' gun went off with a huge bang, and Valkyrie's shadows snaked around the trees and clasped onto various things. Another second after all this, we heard someone runnin'. Branches were bein' smacked out of the way from what I could hear. Valkyrie snarled and suddenly ran to me. Without warnin', she forced my head down and climbed onto my shoulders.

"What the Hell!" I screamed.

"Shut your mouth and help me!" she shouted back. I stood up tryin' to shake her off, but instead she leapt forward off of me and grasped onto a sturdy branch. I watched her crouch for a second and regain balance, but then she suddenly let out a burst of black shadows and propelled forward onto different trees. I stopped watchin' her and tried to find Funny Bones, but he had run off. I figured if I didn't sink down and try to find whatever or whoever was runnin', they'd yell at me. I sighed and slowly tunneled down. Gradually, I made my way over to the side to where I thought I could hear runnin'. I was able to tune out the earth around me as I tunneled, so I listened hard for footsteps. Finally, I heard them. I shot forward and then jumped upward back onto the surface. I cried triumphantly, but then suddenly was knocked down. Apparently Valkyrie had run into me.

"Damn!" Valkyrie shouted at me, climibin' off of me. "What were you thinking?"

"I thought you were the thing we were chasin'!"

"We lost him!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that!"

Valkyrie simply glowered at me and stood up, dustin' herself off. Funny Bones leaned up against a tree and was checkin' his gun out. Valkyrie yanked on my hand and completely dragged me the whole way through the forest again to where we parked the stupid car. She chucked me into the back.

"Where to next?" she gruffly asked.

"Guess."

"The library to look up mysterious prowlers?"

"Yes, actually."

"Sweet Jesus!" I shouted. "_More_ reading? No, take me back to jail. I will _scream_ if you two throw more freakin' books are me."

"Suck it up and stop your whining," Valkyrie said simply, holdin' up a pair of handcuffs. "You will be cuffed again and have your razor taken away if you keep complaining."

I sat back and crossed my arms. So help me I will kill her even if I have to get rid of everyone else in the whole entire world before I lay my hands on her.

* * *

><p>This is a long chapter, but in my document that has everything planned out, chapter 11 is probs one of the shortest ones…Strange.<p>

I'm having a lot of fun writing Sanguine. Like, he doesn't get a lot of screen time/character development. We just know he's from Texas and REALLY likes killing. While I'm mainly focusing on the fact that he likes killing, I'm really enjoying adding my own spin to him. Hopefully you guys will still believe he is the famous Billy-Ray Sanguine by the end of this and not some stupid romantic sap.

Kay, shutting up right now.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	12. Attackin'

"Wreath wants me to come in to train tonight."

Funny Bones sighed. "Does he also wish you dead?"

Valkyrie laughed. "They've apparently set up a system that only allows the people they want to come in inside. And besides, I'll just kill them before they get me."

"Yes, and Sanguine lays a claim to your demise, too," Funny Bones added.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "I'll look forward to that, Sanguine."

I saluted her. "I look forward to it everyday."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and bent down to grab her boots and keys. She slipped on her shoes and waved at us. "Don't throw any wild parties," she said and left quickly.

Funny Bones chuckled and got up, sayin', "I need to go speak with Gordon."

"Sounds fun."

He strode away. I heard his soft footsteps on the second floor above stop at the study. The clock on the wall read eight at night, and I ended up decidin' to go upstairs myself and try to sleep. Stayin' up all night _with_ Valkyrie and then bein' rudely awoke the next mornin' really sucks up all yer energy. I quietly crept past the study and flopped down into my specific room and fell asleep soon after.

* * *

><p>"Sanguine, wake up."<p>

"Why can I never get any sleep when I'm around you two," I groaned as I sat up. Funny Bones looked tense. "What's wrong?"

"The Temple was attacked again."

"Yeah, when isn't it attacked?" And then it hit me. "Oh. Anyone _dead_?"

"One dead, one injured."

"You'd probably be flailin' ery'where if Valkyrie was the dead one. She okay?"

"Wreath said her injuries were extensive, but the Temple medics have her now. We need to get over there now."

I stood up as he raced from the room. His dumb car was already started by the time I sat down into the front seat. Goin' way over the speed limit a few times, we got to the Temple fast. Wreath was standin' outside the gates, waitin' for us.

"How is she?" Funny Bones asked desperately.

He nodded to us and began treadin' down the stairs. "Valkyrie's breathing fine but is asleep for now. They medicated her to get her quieted down while they worked. Her arm was fractured in six places, and her shoulder was badly stabbed, along with a deep cut on her forehead. Our medics did what they could; but Valkyrie's strong. She'll make it through."

While he spoke, Wreath led us through hallway after hallway. He stopped abruptly at a smooth door and held it open for us. A man in black robes stood to the side.

"She's behind the curtain," he said softly.

Funny Bones suddenly broke off into a sprint practically and pushed away the curtains. I followed close behind. When I reached her bed, Funny Bones was standin' next to the bed and starin' at her sleepin' face.

Valkyrie looked…bad. Her face was cut and bruised in a few places, and the cut on her face was stitched up. She continuously twitched in her sleep, like she was dreamin'.

"She'll be _fine_," Wreath said from behind us.

Funny Bones turned to him sharply. "Naturally. It's Valkyrie Cain here. Now where's the body of the other person?"

Wreath gestured to follow him. Funny Bones pulled me along too. I figured he'd want to stay with Valkyrie or whatever. We traveled for a bit through the dark and windin' hallways. Wreath turned into a large room with the body.

The dead guy was sittin', slumped up against the wall. Normally, these dead here at the Temple had that awesome hole in their chest from a stake. But this guy…it seemed like his murder was personal. Or he had at least put up a fight. From what I could see, stab wounds were placed all around his body. One slice was right above his groin, and another cut into the stomach. His head had two long slashes travelin' from his ears down to the collarbone. A slit in the very middle of his forehead made it obvious that's how he finally died.

"That's an overkill I'd wager," Wreath muttered.

"Nah, this was just for torture," I said. "These wounds down here on his chest wouldn't kill him. At least I don't think so."

"And you know how?"

"I kill people for a career, Solomon Wreath. I know what just hurts and what kills. This guy must have just been really annoyin' to our murderers 'cause they had to have spent a while cuttin' him up like that. When did you find the body?"

"An hour ago."

Funny Bones asked, "When was Valkyrie attacked?"

"She was found three hours ago."

"So in the panic to get her safe again," Funny Bones said, "could you all have missed some horrible murderer sneak into here and kill this man?"

Wreath seemed hesitant. "I suppose that's a possibility." He paused and twirled his cane while sayin', "I do not like your tone of voice, Skulduggery. Are you implying that we Necromancers are unobservant and too stupid to even notice a body?"

"Well how can you miss a body like that?" I laughed. "There's blood everywhere, and I'm sure this guy would have tried callin' for help at some point."

"It's likely our culprit had him silenced."

"With what? One of those stupid robes you guys wear?"

Wreath suddenly got on the defensive and jammed him cane in my direction. "Watch your mouth, criminal," he growled.

"Yep, I seem to recall the news escapin' that you let out the one Remnant that then let out the whole bunch of 'em, which as ya'll know, led to that really fun time for Ireland where the whole world that you guys were all lunatics. Also you cost the lives of thousands. Y'know, just as a second little thing to add to your plate of failures."

Before he could lose himself totally, Funny Bones stepped forward. He pointed to the door. "You need to leave. Make sure Valkyrie's all right."

"Will do," I said, smilin'. I strode from the room, wavin' at them as I left. After quite a many wrong turns, I stumbled back upon the infirmary place.

"Valkyrie up yet?" I asked the guy at the front.

"She has not awoken yet, no."

"Goodie, goodie."

I pulled back the curtains and noticed she had rolled over. The blankets had fallen down a little, revealin' the skimpy and thin undershirt she wore. The bandages on her shoulders looked pretty fresh. I flopped down into the chair and put my feet on the foot of the bed. Maybe I shouldn't have pissed of Wreath. But it _was_ fun…

Maybe two hours later, Funny Bones returned. I had been reduced to flippin' around my razor and pullin' the blade in and out again.

"How is she?"

"The exact same since you left her, Funny Bones."

He grabbed his own chair and removed his hat and scarf and placed them on the bed next to Valkyrie. His bizarre wig and sunglasses had been stuck in his pocket earlier. He leaned back into the chair and folded his hands in his lap and just _sat_. His skull was tilted to the side, and he kept his eye sockets trained on Valkyrie's face.

What's his deal anyway? What's their relationship like? It ain't romantic or anythin'. Oh God that'd be disgustin'; any type of romantic interaction with a _skeleton_ would be terrible. No way would it work.

For the whole time I've known about these two, the fantastical partnership of Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain, I'd always been excited to see the two of them really get all intense and into it. I'd heard they were just such a great pair and so great and could take anyone out. From the past, I've seen them go around and be at least just _interestin'_. But now, as I'm just here with them all the time, I'm waitin' for these two to burst out and go into super detective mode and get crazy and investigate all up in everythin'.

Is it just 'cause I'm here? But half the time they ignore me. (Well, except at night when I'm with Valkyrie…) If they act the way they normally do, what'd happen? They think I'll go out and tell everyone about the _cute_ conversations and bickerin' they have and do? Will I find out their greatest weakness by listenin' to their stupid little exchanges? I'm sure at least Valkyrie's afraid I'll try to join in or whatever, since she seems unable to listen to me speak for more than ten seconds. 'Course I can't stand too much with her either. Most times when she speaks, I wanna die. Funny Bones I don't mind as much, since he's not horrible.

I actually kinda think he's _tryin' _to get me and Valkyrie to at-least-nice terms. He keeps sendin' me away with her.

Unless he knows…

I know what me and Valkyrie have been doin' is totally wrong in every way, and there's a part in the back of my mind that keeps sayin' we should stop since we'll be found out. Somehow, it'll get out. I know it.

And when it does, I'll be killed. Heck knows what'll happen to Valkyrie. She'll probably be cast out. I guess it wouldn't be as bad if she were only sleepin' with a criminal who _hadn't_ tried to kill her and her friends multiple times. Also if I hadn't stolen Tanith from them…

I guess I would feel pretty bad if Valkyrie was thrown out away from all her dumb Sanctuary buddies. What'd she do? She'd probably just run around chasin' me all day.

Wait.

I'd feel _bad_ if that happened to Valkyrie?

Dear God, I hope I ain't developin' feelin's for that awful girl…

* * *

><p>Derp.<p>

Heeeee, I gots me a boyfriend :333 (In case you were wondering…) ALSO. I officially finished my FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL WHOOO. Summer's starting up and I'm going to write the heck out of it~ And next year, I'm going to the super fancy new smart kids school. I GET A LAPTOP FROM IT.

So yeah. Um, thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	13. More Dang Searchin'

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Yes, Fletcher, I'm _fine_."

"Positive?"

"Yes."

"Fo' sho'?"

"Dear Lord, don't say that again."

"You're totally sure you feel fine?"

"Fletcher, the way you keep asking makes me want to spend time with Sanguine."

"Wait, what?"

"Go away!"

Hair Boy frowned. Valkyrie crossed her arms and leaned her head against the back of the couch she was sittin' on.

"I'll take good care of her, Hair Boy," I said, smilin'.

"You better." After that, Hair Boy gave a wave and teleported.

"I thought he'd never leave," I groaned.

"He's just concerned."

"Overly protective, ya mean."

"Shut up, he cares about me. He doesn't want me writhing in agony, unlike you."

"I _dream_ of the day when I can see that."

She glared and sunk deeper into her seat. She stared blankly at the television for a while, and I vaguely listened to the news. Some robbery there, some murder there. The usual.

Then out of the blue, Valkyrie asked, "Sanguine, do like me?"

"What kind of question is that?" I demanded. "Valkyrie, I hate you. I always will, guarantee it."

She waved her hand, dismissin' me. "What I mean is do you like…y'know…um, like, _copulating_…"

"Oh!" Now I got this. "I dunno. I've had worse. And I'll give you the fact that you ain't ugly as sin, so that's a plus. Why?"

"Want to?" She pointed upstairs.

"Oh. Ehh, sure." I watched her hop up from the couch, and her hands gripped my own and pulled me along with her. "I guess you really are feelin' fine," I mumbled when she pulled me away into her bedroom again. Very quickly were clothes removed and very quickly did we get at it again.

* * *

><p>My arm was stretched out across the bed. Valkyrie's head lay on my chest heavily. I continuously twirled a piece of her long black hair around my finger.<p>

"Is this what peace is?" Valkyrie whispered.

"I wouldn't know, li'l darlin'," I answered.

"What a shame."

It was quiet for a few minutes.

"Ohh, this is getting a little too gentle and loving for me," she said. Slowly, she eased herself up from the tangled sheets. I caught a glimpse of that nasty scar, but she turned and slipped on the pants she had been wearin'. Soon, though, the house phone rang, and while still topless, she rushed to grab it.

"Yes, hello, Ghastly," she greeted Bespoke, searchin' for somethin' on the ground. She stood up straight, holdin' my shirt in her hands a second later. She hastily put the shirt on and attempted to button it up.

"Yeah, we can be there soon," she continued on. "What happened there?" The sly smile on her lips slowly shrank, and her face soon filled with horror. "Oh my God, we'll be right there. We can even start looking for him right now…No, okay. On our way."

She ended the call and threw the phone down and yanked off my shirt. "We need to go," she breathed.

I sat up and sat on the edge of the bed. "I gathered. Why?"

"Mrs. Faust was killed."

"Uh, who's that again?"

"A perfectly innocent detective of the Sanctuary who had the horrible luck of being paired with your _father_." She spat the last word.

"Oh. I remember her now." I got up and found my clothes and slowly dressed. Valkyrie was already tyin' her hair up again. "Ya know who killed her?"

She spun around and stared at me. "Guess, you idiot."

"What? Daddy dearest?"

"Who else!"

"Well all you Sanctuary agents are awful; I'm sure they've got bad connections with bad people. It could have been someone else."

"She was killed with a knife left at the scene," Valkyrie growled, "and it had your father's prints on it. Now hurry up before I drag you downstairs to the car!"

Valkyrie stomped out of the room and slammed the door shut. I followed as quick as I could, but by the time I got outside, she already had the dang Mustang started. I slid in next to her, and she sped off immediately.

We got to the place soon after. Valkyrie had managed to break quite a few laws while drivin' here. Funny Bones was waitin' outside the buildin' where the lady was.

"Ghastly wants to speak with you first, but then we need to get out and search for Scarab," he explained while leadin' us up to the door. "I'm going to ask the people around here if they've seen Scarab running."

Valkyrie nodded and raced into the buildin'. Bespoke was standin' outside a closed door when we got to him.

"This…isn't good," he solemnly said. "We'll probably need to get rid of this stupid _program_ with these criminals." He ran a hand over his scarred head and sighed deep. "Skulduggery's out looking for any witnesses who saw Scarab escaping. We already have a few guys out searching in different places."

"How long has it been since you discovered her?"

"About twenty minutes. Hopefully he hasn't gone too far." Bespoke turned to me and said, "You're his son. Where would he be?"

"Hell if I know, Bespoke. Daddy's a bit unpredictable."

"_Really_? You weren't aware of his plan to kill Mrs. Faust?"

"Hey, I was actually beginnin' to hope he'd been a little reformed at least. Ya think I enjoy bein' Dreylan Scarab's son? Daddy dearest ain't all that dearest, y'know. But he's old and incredibly slow, so yeah, if it's been twenty minutes, he can't be too far – unless he managed to catch a cab or bus or whatever. In that case, yer screwed."

Bespoke sighed again. "All right, head out. It's a manhunt now."

Valkyrie agreed and pulled me along with her. We stepped outside, and Valkyrie immediately pulled out her cell phone. She dialed a number quickly and left a message, sayin', "Hey, it's me. Dreylan Scarab is loose. If you see anything, could you let me know?"

She ended the call after that but immediately called someone else again. When the other line answered, she put it on speakerphone.

"A neighbor said he went down over to Stamp Street," Funny Bones said. "I'm down there now, and so far there's no distinct sign of Scarab. I'll travel down to Mark Road, and you two can take Comm Lane and all up there, all right?"

"Fine by me," Valkyrie responded and shut off her phone. "Can you just tunnel us down there?" She pointed in to the direction we need to get to.

I shrugged and held out a hand for her. "As you wish, li'l darlin'."

I tightly held onto her waist as she clung to my neck. Slowly, I eased on down into the earth and headed down to where she directed. Her breathin' instantly got heavy and ragged once we were fully enclosed underground.

"Can I just pop up anywhere?"

Valkyrie nodded hurriedly. "Please do," she managed to choke out.

"Why are you so afraid of this? What do you think I'll do?"

"Drop me?"

"No, yer not gonna go out like that," I laughed. "I know exactly how you will die, so no worries, all right."

"I also can't stand being in such complete darkness with only a psychotic murderer right up next to me," she added.

"You never seem to have a problem with havin' a psychotic murder right up next to you at _other times_."

"That's different."

"Yeah, okay."

I figured I had traveled enough by then. I pushed up against the dirt and emerged onto cracked pavement.

"Is this a neighborhood for specifically mages or whatever?" I noticed no one was really walkin' or drivin' here.

Valkyrie told me it was. She dusted herself off and stared intently at the sidewalk. Her eyes slid over to stare at the old buildin' next to us. "I'll take to the roofs and search from up above," she told me. "You sneak about down on the ground, got it?"

"Sure thing."

She snapped her wrists outward and shot out a burst of shadows. She hopped onto the makeshift platform and braced her foot against the wall and window and created more flat platforms for herself in the air. In just a few seconds, she had ran up to the top of the buildin', and without losin' any speed at all, cart-wheeled onto the roof. She kept runnin' and leaped from buildin' to buildin'.

I figured I should stop watchin' her and get a move on myself. I rolled up my sleeves and casually strolled along the streets, tryin' to appear nonchalant. For a while I walked, lookin' for daddy dearest. I occasionally caught sight of Valkyrie jumpin' from roofs. I passed by an alley a bit later, when I suddenly heard, "Good. I've been waiting for over an hour."

I stopped. Daddy dearest emerged from behind a dumpster. "Let's get going, son."

"Oh, since when was I supposed to come along?"

"You honestly want to stay with these Sanctuary rats? They're not exactly you're friends, son. They'd probably prefer it if you high-tailed it out of here with me."

"Nah," I said, "Valkyrie'd find me in a second and would make sure I suffer horribly for runnin'."

"So what? You can just kill her before she touches you." When he realized I wasn't gonna move and leave with him, daddy dearest finally sighed angrily, "I don't have anymore time for you or this. I've got better things to get to."

"Like what?'

"Maybe if you'd come along, you'd know, then, son."

"Sure, daddy. Just get goin'. I won't tell 'em I saw ya or nothing."

He nodded and jogged past me. For an old man, he still moved pretty good. "Oh, and son?" he asked, turnin' to me.

"What?"

"If you're going to stay, you probably shouldn't begin to build any lasting relationships. I'm sure you wish to God that it won't turn into something more, but you are my son and I know how you take relationships like _that_."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Daddy just shrugged and smirked and checked both ways on the street before runnin' in the middle of it and poppin' the sewer cover and droppin' down into it. He emerged again to replace the cover. As he did, daddy dearest smirked and then disappeared down below the ground.

And so I stood there, confused and in agony over my father's words.

* * *

><p>Herp derp here's another one! I love that now it's summer and I can write all the time noooow~<p>

Um yeah! Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	14. Findin' and then Fightin'

"Sanguine?"

There ain't no way I could fall for Valkyrie Cain (of all people!). No way in Hell. Nope.

"Sanguine!"

I don't even think she's that pretty! And we hate each other. I still need to kill her.

"Sanguine!"

Suddenly I was slapped.

"God, what was that for?" I shouted.

"I've been trying to talk to you for the past five minutes, but you were too stupid to realize it." Valkyrie brought back her hand from my _face_.

"Oh, pardon me, princess."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and put her head on the kitchen table. "Where is Skulduggery?" she groaned into her arm.

We waited around for Funny Bones for a while longer. Finally, the front door burst open and Funny Bones came stridin' into the kitchen.

"You are going to put a dent in the wall if you keep opening the door like that, Skulduggery."

He shrugged. "Gordon won't mind. Besides, I must continue with my grand entrances. If you won't allow me to enter through window..." He sat down at the table next to me. "All right, you have two options. Option Number 1: go to the Temple and help out Ghastly, since there was another murder. The second option: go to Finbar and see if you can get him to find Scarab. We received a report from an anonymous source that he had managed to jet off to Germany this morning, so a few are looking into it."

"Why would my daddy go to Germany? Get 'em to start up World War III?"

"Could be, Sanguine."

"Do you believe this report, though?" Valkyrie asked.

Funny Bones shook his head and said simply, "They had very poor grammar and spelling. I refuse to take anything or anyone seriously when they confuse the yours."

Valkyrie nodded and laughed. "Well I'll go see Finbar, and you can take Sanguine and go help out Ghastly."

She jumped up and tried runnin' but Funny Bones was chucklin' which made her stop.

"Oh, no, you take Sanguine," he said happily.

"Why? Why must I always be stuck with him? I hate him."

"Right here, Valkyrie…"

"Shut up."

Funny Bones sighed and got up himself. "I have to go. The options I presented were only for you two."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Valkyrie suddenly cried, roundin' on him.

Funny Bones didn't seem phased. His skull tilted to the right by a few degrees and he quietly muttered, "I'm sorry. I didn't that I was doing that."

Valkyrie hesitated. She sighed eventually, "It's okay. I'm sorry." She sighed again. "But just…what is it that you're doing where I can't come too? Why can't I know, Skulduggery? We're partners, right?"

"We are, Valkyrie. We are. I'm really just going off to further investigate these Necromancer deaths. I'm not really getting anywhere, and it's incredibly boring, to honestly tell you. You're not missing anything important. Well, you're missing my amazing skills at everything, but other than that, nothing."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and shrugged. "All right, have fun with that, Skulduggery. Come on Sanguine. Let's get going."

She grabbed a ring of keys from the counter and waved halfheartedly to Funny Bones. I followed Valkyrie as she strolled from the house to her Mustang; I didn't want to lag behind and face her wrath.

"So who's Finbar?" I asked when we had gotten into the car.

"He's a Seer," she answered shortly. "Skulduggery and I have known him for a while. He helped us find the gate to the Faceless Ones all those years ago."

I laughed. "Those were fun times, li'l darlin'. You were just a tiny little brat then, but now you're a grown brat. How things change, huh?"

She rolled her eyes and sped up the car, not sayin' anythin'.

"So…why the sudden hate for Funny Bones?"

"I don't hate him, shut up." Her eyes slid to my own for a second. "I'm just angry he's always forcing me with you and going off to do _something_. He may be out investigating the deaths, but that's not it. I know he's keeping something from me; I just don't know what."

"Are you losin' trust in him?"

"Of course not. I will always count on him to be there for me. I've got him and he's got me. Simple."

"But what about that Darquesse thing you got goin'? Skulduggery Pleasant gonna stand by his precious Valkyrie Cain when she's a cold-blooded killer bent on destroyin' the world?"

"You make Darquesse sound so _evil_," she muttered. "And we've talked about it. We know what to do when that time, um…comes along."

"And you hopin' it never ever does?"

"No, Sanguine. I _want_ to completely annihilate the human race. That's always been my life goal."

"No need to get snippy, li'l darlin'."

She growled lowly and turned a corner. We got to a rundown tattoo parlor after a few more minutes. The lights were on, but no one was near the place.

"This is it?"

"Finbar Wrong's place, yeah."

Valkyrie entered the shop first, the bell on the door ringin' as the old door swung open.

"Heeey!" a voice called out

"Hi Finbar!" Valkyrie responded.

"Val!" Loud footsteps sounded from above. A minute later, a skinny little guy with pierces and tattoos everywhere on him came down some stairs. A young boy with the same coloring as the man followed behind him.

"Who's your friend?" Finbar Wrong asked, gesturin' to me. "He looks familiar."

"Billy-Ray Sanguine," I said.

"He's a convicted criminal serving time in the prison, but they came up with this new program to help criminals catch other criminals still on the loose," Valkyrie explained. "So far he's being good, except for the constant whining."

I glared. "When have I whined, li'l darlin'?"

Valkyrie waved me away. "Hey there, Marty. How's it going?"

The little boy, Marty, shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Awesome. How's school this year?"

Again, he shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

Finbar smiled wide and clapped a hand on Marty's shoulder. "We're doing good, Val. How's it for you?"

"Everything was fine until Sanguine came along."

"Wow! So much hate for me!"

Finbar laughed. "What is it you need? Something of Skul-man's?"

"We need you to find someone, actually."

He nodded and directed his kid to head upstairs. When he had disappeared, Finbar ran to a cabinet and pulled out a sharp knife and a map of Ireland. He spread the map on the table in front of him and gripped the knife tightly.

"Who we gonna find today?"

"Dreylan Scarab."

He nodded and sat down on a stool. I don't really know what happened next, but suddenly his eyes grew huge and wide and blank. Valkyrie crossed her arms and kept a straight gaze on Finbar. He mumbled a few things, but then whispered, "I don't even know, Val…"

"Finbar? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, loud and clear."

"Can you find Dreylan Scarab?"

He shook his head slowly and suddenly the knife behind him. It skidded across the floor and hit a cabinet. Finbar blinked a little bit and then focused on Valkyrie. "I could feel him, Val. But I don't know where he is totally. He's not in Ireland."

"Could you try Germany?"

"Nah, I don't have that kind of range right now. I can try again for you in a bit, though."

Valkyrie smiled. "That's okay, Finbar. But thank you, though. I appreciate it." She tried to not show her disappointment.

He got up and gestured to his shop. "Want a tattoo?"

"Maybe later," she laughed and winked. Finbar waved as we turned and left the shop. We got into the Mustang and drove on for a bit, but Valkyrie suddenly stopped the car. On the sidewalk beside us stood a stick-of-a-man. His hair could blend with the night sky, but his skin could be matched to the pale color of the moon. He wore a simple navy shirt and black pants.

"Hell there!" Valkyrie said, happy.

The man smiled lightly. "I got your message. I've been looking around for him, but so far, I haven't found anything."

"We think he's out of the country at this point in the game," Valkyrie admitted. "But we have a vague idea of where in the world he is."

"Is this Sanguine?" He pointed to me.

"Sanguine, this is Caelan. Caelan, this is Sanguine."

"Howdy."

"Good afternoon."

"Did someone accidentally spill a vat of white paint on ya? Yer pale as a ghost." This guy's skintone was gettin' unnvervin'.

He lifted a long and pale finger to pull at his top lip. I noticed the same pointy fangs I had seen on Dusk. Great, more freakin' vampires.

"So? Find any good blood lately?"

Caelan blinked and turned his attention to Valkyrie. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" He took a step closer. "Give me any job and I can do it."

Valkyrie laughed and shook her head. "We should be fine for now but thanks. I can call you if I need anything, though?"

"Of course. Just don't expect me to answer at night."

She laughed like it was the funniest thing. God dang vampire movin' in closer and closer to her! Who is this creep anyway? What's his deal?

"How's it been going otherwise?" Valkyrie asked him, leanin' against her car.

He shrugged. "Not too horribly bad. I really need to find a hobby, though. I'm so bored in the day, and then I get anxious once night begins to approach."

Valkyrie jabbed her thumb at me and said, "I can get rid of him for a day…" She trailed off and smiled.

The little wuss smiled too. His dark eyes met my own, and my lip curled at him. I dunno who this itty-bitty vampire thought he was, but there ain't no way he's gonna get any closer to Valkyrie.

"I'd like that," he finally said. "But I should really leave now. I need to make sure I have everything for the _night_."

He gave a wave and turned sharply. He approached a buildin' and sprung upwards to grab onto a window. Quickly he scaled the buildin' and went runnin' away across the rooftops.

Valkyrie gave me a stern look and opened the car door. Before gettin' in the car, she retrieved her cell phone and began makin' a call. Before she could finish diallin' the number, one of them creatures from earlier came crashin' down upon us. Valkyrie snarled in anger. Her crushed phone landed beside me. I didn't have my cell phone either. Realizin' we were alone in an empty part of town with no means of communication, Valkyrie shrugged at me and charged towards the big thing.

* * *

><p>Something about this chapter makes me sad ): I guess I just don't like it…Eh, whatever XD<p>

Anyone here ever play Assassin's Creed? My sister's been playing it obsessively, and I've been watching it obsessively.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	15. Healin'

I quickly realized I should get in there and help out Valkyrie when two more flyin' things landed behind me and one knocked into my side, slammin' me into the pavement. I staggered up and picked up a piece of street that had, for some reason, broken off. I hurled it at Creature #1's big ugly face and backed up away from him. I glanced over and noticed Valkyrie fightin' with _two_ big things. They seemed to have developed a system: one would hit her so she would lurch backwards, then the other one would swoop in and boost her back up so it could start over again. She was about to be kicked backwards again, but I, on a stupid whim of bravery, jumped in and knocked her away.

She groaned into my shoulder and hoisted herself up in time to roll away from the things. They clawed at the ground where Valkyrie had just been lyin'. I frowned as I realized the only weapon I had against these guys was my tiny little razor. But I still reached into my pocket and flashed the blade at the thing. It snarled at my somethin' nasty and tried to eat it. I almost got to pull away my hand before Valkyrie suddenly held onto my arm and forced it upwards, plungin' my razor into the thing's roof of the mouth! It began to bleed out all over my sleeves and Valkyrie's hand.

Valkyrie removed her hand from my arm and leaped and stomped the head into the ground. She dug the heel of her boot into one eye and wrapped a strong rope of blackness around his neck, pullin' tighter and tighter until it finally stopped strugglin' for breath and _died_.

"Come on!" she muttered at me, gesturin' for me to follow. The other two things had been subdued temporarily by shadows. I guess Valkyrie couldn't keep control of all that at once. They broke free and advanced quick as a ragin' bull. One flapped its wings powerfully and knocked me to the side into the car. My elbow crashed into the glass of the Mustang, and it shattered. I could feel the fragments embeddin' themselves into my skin. I ignored the pain as best as I could and ran back into battle. I had grabbed a shard of glass from the ground and chucked it at one of the beasts. It didn't actually hit the thing, but it distracted it enough so Valkyrie could create another rope of blackness and choke it to death.

The last creature left seemed a little afraid at this point. But it still came runnin' after me. I dodged its first attacks, but I eventually felt a very huge blow to my left side. I heard a few things crack and pain shot up all around in me. I watched as it advanced closer and closer, and then I kicked out blindly. I guess I may have hit the monster in the crotch or some other special place because it _instantly_ backed up and flew away. Valkyrie took a deep breath and dived to her car. She slid through the broken window expertly and wrenched open the glove compartment. She withdrew a gigantic gun much like Funny Bones' and aimed and shot.

The bullet must have made contact because the creature howled in pain and agony until it eventually decided to get the hell outta here. It flew off in the opposite direction.

I looked at Valkyrie. "Well, wasn't that fun?" The battle hadn't lasted that long, but it was hard and intense.

She was cradlin' her left arm against her body. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I've sustained no injuries _whatsoever_, Valkyrie. As you know, I am invincible."

"Sanguine!" she shouted firmly. "Are you hurt?"

I furrowed my brow. "My hand won't move, and it hurts when I breathe. Also somethin' sticky is runnin' down my neck."

Valkyrie sighed and meandered over to me on the ground. She lifted my head gently and touched at the back. Withdrawin' her hand, she wiped my blood away on her shirt. "We need to get going."

"Uh, what are we supposed to do with all this?" I motioned at the dead things and the destroyed car. "Leave them here for some random person to find them?"

Valkyrie shook her head and winced. She was limpin'.

"Valkyrie, you can't walk," I said quietly, glarin' at her.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious! I really need that observation. That definitely really completes everything, don't you think?" she snapped. "Please, continue to be helpful."

"No need for that li'l darlin'." I managed to get up myself and force Valkyrie to lean on my good and not-broken side.

"I need to call Skulduggery," she moaned.

"How're you gonna do that?"

"Pay phone." She pointed weakly to a little stand off to the side.

"There're still payphones around here?"

"Here in the creepy and totally empty mage neighborhoods there are."

Valkyrie clutched the receiver and dialed the number slowly. "Hello," she said cheerfully after waitin' a while before it just went to voicemail. "While you were off being Skulduggery Pleasant, Sanguine and I were attacked. Badly. There are some bodies I'm sure Ghastly'll want to see, so I suggest you all get out here quick; it's on the road we take to get to Finbar's place. My Mustang should still be in working order, despite being practically destroyed, so we'll go get healed up. My phone is broken. Call Gordon's and I'll be back with you. Or come and find us. But I doubt you will."

She hung up roughly and allowed me to drag her back to the car.

"Can you drive?" I asked.

"I'm not the one with a ton of broken ribs."

"But your entire left arm looks completely useless. Also your face is bleedin'."

"Good thing I have another arm and more blood to go around!" Her good hand touched her cheek lightly, only to draw out more blood. A very thin and deep gash had formed along her cheek; probably from the talons of those things.

Valkyrie kicked away the broken glass from around her car and slid into the driver's seat. She revved the engine and pulled away. Speedin' along the road, we were silent. Valkyrie turned onto a back road and still sped along. She seemed to know the track by heart, 'cause she'd know when to swerve out of the way to avoid a root or whatever. She parked the car next to an _old_ buildin' that was completely fallin' apart. Moss and vines grew up all over it and windows and doors were broken and cracked.

I pressed my hand to my side as Valkyrie pulled me along with her not-broken arm. The deep gash on her cheek bled and bled down her face, and I kept waitin' for her to wipe it away, but she never did. She led me to a rusted old door hangin' off its hinges. But Valkyrie just pulled at it weakly and pushed me on through.

"Where are we?" I asked quietly. The hallway we were passin' through was dank, dirty, and dark. Valkyrie didn't answer. There was another door up ahead, and she pulled me through that again. Valkyrie wordlessly sat me down in a little chair. Bloody curtains hung from rings on the ceilin'. They separated the room into chunks for privacy.

"Hello?" she called faintly, her various injuries causin' tremendous pain, probably. My own hurt somethin' terrible, too.

"Ah, you're back!" a high-pitched voice called from somewhere in the room. There was a rustlin', and then the curtains drew back, and a…thing appeared.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Nye," Valkyrie sighed.

…_It_ cackled and greeted her back. "Another scuffle?" it joked and reached out with a slimy gray hand to grip her bleedin' face. Its arm was crazy long, and so were its legs. Its cold eyes scanned her over, but they suddenly slid over to me. "You brought a friend?"

"I did," Valkyrie answered shortly. "Heal him first and then me."

"May I have your blood and hand?" it asked greedily (what kinda question is that?), rubbin' its hands together like a maniac. Its mouth curled around into a sickly smile as she nodded tiredly, sayin', "Of course you may."

"May I take him away with me?" It tilted its head towards me, but Valkyrie shook her head. It nodded and sighed before…slitherin' away and returnin' again a few minutes later with a box. It placed the box on the chair next to me and pulled a blue lump of thing from a little baggie from the box.

"Open your mouth," it commanded.

I looked to Valkyrie for support. I guess she could tell my eyes were trained on her, 'cause she nodded stiffly once. I did as told and opened my mouth; it darted in and dropped the blue thing on my tongue. I expected to suddenly fall to the floor in pain and agony from whatever the heck that was, but instead, the pain all in me subsided instantly. It grabbed a little jar with holes in the top and instructed me to remove my shirt. I stood up slowly and did so, and I really noticed how awfully hurt my side was. It clicked its tongue in distaste at me while rubbin' a fine purple powder into my skin. It told me to sit down and not move until they returned.

"His head is bleeding as well, Doctor," Valkyrie added tiredly.

It sighed and grabbed a white cloth from the box. It plastered it to the back of head where the wound was and _then _turned to leave.

"Come, Valkyrie," it said as it took the little box away again. "I'll get you fixed."

It reached out another slimy hand, and Valkyrie reluctantly grabbed it. This Nye thing placed the other hand on her back and pushed her along in front of him so they disappeared behind the bloody curtains.

Just what the hell is that thing?

I feel like I've heard its name somewhere before. Doctor Nye…I think I've heard less than good things about him. Valkyrie's got some serious explainin' to do. Really, why would she use this monster? Surely Funny Bones doesn't approve. I guess I gotta ask when Valkyrie gets back.

And she did return about an hour later. Her face was no longer bloody, and her arm swayed gently at her side like normal, and she was no longer limpin'. I had even noticed my side lose the bruises and intense pain. Nye removed the white cloth from my head and told me it was back to normal.

"Thank you, Nye," Valkyrie said, tryin' to smile.

"My pleasure, dear Valkyrie. I suppose it would be strange if I said I'd love to see you here more often, though that would mean more painful injuries, yes?" It paused and then laughed. "Though pain tends to follow you around like a predator, hmm?"

"It does, it does." Valkyrie kind of bowed her head. "Again, thank you. We should really leave now, Doctor Nye."

It waved goodbye and slithered away backwards behind the curtains.

"Put your shirt on later," Valkyrie whispered frantically to me. She grabbed the material and pulled me along with her. We rushed from the buildin' and into the car _fast_. Valkyrie immediately started the car and drove off in a frenzy.

"What the _hell _is that all about, Valkyrie?" I asked as I struggled to get on my shirt. I buttoned it up as she sighed loudly and pulled onto a main road.

She didn't say anythin' for a while, but eventually muttered, "Kenspeckle Grouse is dead. You know this."

"Yeah, everyone knows."

"Right, well he was the one who healed all of us. He helped Skulduggery and I get on track. Only when all those Remnants…" Her eyes glossed over. Valkyrie bit her lip hard like she was tryin' to not cry. "Kenspeckle Grouse is dead. Once everything was all over, I realized what would happen if somebody was mortally wounded and needed medical help? I knew that Nye was some_thing_ that had the ability to heal if it wanted to. So I struck a deal with it without Skulduggery knowing. Obviously he knows now, but he's furious."

"I was wonderin' if he was all gung-ho about all that…"

"He's not," Valkyrie responded gravely. "He absolutely hates that we use it. He won't admit it, but Skulduggery's scared of it. I'm terrified of it, but I know it won't harm me."

"What was the deal you made with it then?"

Valkyrie took a deep breath and seemed to be ponderin' stuff. "Well…okay, Nye after sealing my true name discovered that I was some kind of treasure with my abilities or some crap like that. I didn't know it at the time, but Nye kind of, um, developed a desperate need for me."

"Oh God! That's the grossest thing I've ever heard!"

"Not like that!" Valkyrie shouted. "No, Nye's just…fascinated by me. It thinks I'd be interesting to study when I'm dead. So…that's just it. In exchange for getting my body to do with as he pleases later, it heals myself and everyone who comes in with me."

"Are you lyin' to me?" There was somethin' in her voice that made it seem like she wasn't tellin' the whole truth.

Valkyrie turned to look at me sharply. "Yes, I am lying."

"What? Are you secretly married to it or somethin'?"

"Oh Lord, no! Nye…" She paused again. "Nye, whenever I come in with injuries it gets to _somehow_ recreate the body part it just healed."

"What for? Just to have an arm lyin' around?"

"No."

"Well for _what_?"

"Making copies of my body parts enables it to, uh, build its own personal Valkyrie."

"What. The. Hell."

"Yeah, I know."

"What kind of sick and twisted maniac does that!"

"Doctor Nye does, it seems."

"That is by far the creepiest thing I've heard. Will it ever complete it – er, you?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea. I really hope it doesn't get the chance too. Nye can't bring back the dead; I've tried that."

"On Funny Bones?"

"Kenspeckle."

"I bet that didn't go very well."

"It didn't, Sanguine." She looked at me. "Not at all."

I debated sayin' somethin' back to her, but Valkyrie immediately set her sad eyes on the road. She looked tired and weak and hurt. Mentally hurt, that is. Her voice had been quiet the whole time she explained her dealin's with Nye.

It still felt like there was somethin' she wasn't tellin' me. Maybe I'm just a paranoid person with all this bein' around Valkyrie business, but I ain't sure.

It'd be best not to push her. It seems like she's been through so much so far.

People talk about how great and fantastic Valkyrie Cain is. But they don't see her at night when her guard is down, now do they?

* * *

><p>Um. I don't really know what happened with this. Something about this chapter kind of bugs me. I feel the flow is off somehow...<p>

But! Were you expecting the Nye thing! I hope you weren't.

Hopefully if all goes according to plan, there shouldn't be a boring chapter left for the rest of this story. I don't have the very end planned out totally, as there are a few details I can't decide about. Just in case you were wondering…XD

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	16. Kidnappin'

Valkyrie sighed heavily and pushed the hair out of her face. Despite her heated temperature, she still pulled the sheets up to cover her chest.

"Why you gotta cover yourself like that?" I mumbled. "Ain't like I haven't seen it."

"What, are you comfortable laying out like that?" She gestured to me, pointin' at the sheets that just came right below my hips.

"I pretty much don't care, li'l darlin'."

"Obviously," she muttered and stretched.

For a while we sat in silence. Valkyrie shot up in bed when the house phone rang once but then didn't again. I watched her creep from bed and slip on some pants. She grabbed my shirt just to have a temporary coverin' for her chest and opened the door a crack. She listened carefully for a few seconds. When Valkyrie turned away from the door, though, we suddenly heard a door from downstairs slam.

"Valkyrie! Sanguine!" It was Bespoke callin'. I instantly panicked and climbed from the bed.

"What do we do?" I whispered frantically.

"There's no way you can get to a different room without him seeing you! Hide in the closet! And for God's sake, put on some pants!"

I stumbled and managed to grab my pants and yanked them on. "I'm not hidin' in the closet, Valkyrie!"

"Whatever, but just _hide_."

"You're wearing my shirt!" I pointed to her and dashed into the bathroom quick and, in all honesty, pathetically hid in the shower; I also closed the door in case Bespoke could see the curtains movin' or somethin'. I could hear Valkyrie rushin' around to put on a different shirt. Hopefully she had the brains to hide mine…

"Valkyrie?" Bespoke called again.

Valkyrie crossed the room to answer the door. "Ghastly, what is it?"

"Has Skulduggery called you recently?" His voice sounded grave.

"My phone is downstairs," she answered. "The house phone rang once but then didn't after that. Why? What's wrong?"

"We think that Scarab may have kidnapped him."

"Kidnapped? And by Scarab? Do you have any proof?"

"No, but he's the most likely suspect, wouldn't you say?" Bespoke sounded tired, like he didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Where's Sanguine? We need to get out and start searching before they get too far. If they make it to a different country we can't do much more; everyone's very rigid with jurisdiction and such, I've learned."

"I'll get Sanguine and get dressed," Valkyrie answered. "You head out and we'll meet you outside."

That was it. I heard Bespoke movin' out of the room and closin' the door.

"It's okay now," Valkyrie whispered, pokin' her head into the bathroom.

I stepped out from behind the shower curtain. Valkyrie handed me my shirt lazily and changed her own. Her hair was a total mess from our rendezvous in the sheets, but she still tried pullin' it into a huge ponytail. I noticed the clock by her bed said it was almost three in the mornin'. Awesome.

Valkyrie flew from the door and pulled me along with her. She hit the lights off downstairs and made sure the doors were locked tight. Bespoke stood outside by some bushes with a cell phone in his hand. He gestured for us to follow him. He climbed into the driver's seat of a giant black van. Valkyrie took the passenger seat next to him, while I sat in the back.

"Where are we going?" Valkyrie asked while watchin' the trees and landscape breeze by us.

"No one knows where Skulduggery was last. I figured you would have said where he was if you knew, Valkyrie. But anyway, we're heading to the Sanctuary to get everyone on track and send out search parties everywhere. Hopefully Scarab hasn't gotten too far." Bespoke looked in the rearview mirror at me and asked, "Does Scarab have any hiding places here? Any places he's most likely to go to? Or even places we'd least likely find him?"

I shrugged. "I can't think of any. He wasn't ever _here_ for a while, ya know? We had our little headquarters for that stupid club he came up with, but ya'll searched that a while ago, right?"

"We had it destroyed," he muttered. "But you can't think of anywhere?"

"No, not at all. But he'd probably pick some dinky little buildin' not totally out in the open, but in a place ya couldn't easily find. He's good at hidin', I guess."

No reply. Bespoke turned down some windin' roads and eventually stopped at the Sanctuary buildin'. He rushed inside and was immediately bombarded with shouts and questions. He managed to wrangle everyone's attention and explain the situation. He said to split into groups of four. Bespoke would direct exactly where everyone would go. So for a few moments, we all grouped together. Valkyrie had wordlessly worked it out with Bespoke that he'd join her. Valkyrie grabbed my hand and dragged me over to Hair Boy.

"Why are you here?"

"Friend of the victim," Hair Boy replied cheekily. "Yourself?"

Valkyrie hit his shoulder and sighed. She stood straight and waited for Bespoke to keep talkin'. I looked down and noticed her hand still gripped my own. Slowly I pulled away; Valkyrie shot me a worried glance. She muttered somethin' under her breath and crossed her arms. Bespoke began directin' everyone on where to go. Groups shuffled out in packs and then separated. We waited for a minute before Bespoke approached us.

"We'll head down to southern Ireland," he simply stated and turned and sped over to his giant van. Valkyrie jumped to the front seat, Hair Boy and I had the middle. Bespoke drove all through the city and finally stopped at the side of an old road. A few buildin's were scattered around and all were fallin' apart.

"Valkyrie and I," Bespoke said, "will head down to the left. Fletcher, you and Sanguine can take the right side." He got out and popped open the trunk and pulled out a bag. He opened the bag and grabbed another one and began fillin' it with a fine powder. "This powder will turn a color depending on what type of magic was used. If it doesn't do anything, then obviously there was no magic."

He chucked at bag at Hair Boy and set off with Valkyrie next to him. I could tell she was scannin' the skies for anythin'; Bespoke kept an eye on the ground. They quietly and carefully entered the first buildin' they came across.

"Well let's go find a skeleton, then!" Hair Boy said happily and marched along.

I jogged to catch up to him. "Ain't you and Funny Bones friends?"

"I guess, yeah. We don't have manly chats together or anything. If I were dying, he'd he sad, let's put it that way."

"Well why are ya so happy-go-lucky 'bout his disappearance?"

"It's Skulduggery Pleasant," Hair Boy replied. "He can manage pretty much anything he wants to, so I'm pretty positive he'll be found in no time. I'm sure when we get back he'll be waiting at the Sanctuary with some joke to crack and his kidnapper in hand."

"What if he ain't?"

"Don't you hate him?"

"I wish fiery death upon him, yep, but why ya so confident he'll be there?"

"Because Valkyrie will not stop until she finds him. If he doesn't show up himself and if no one has any clue where he is, she will die finding him. The opposite goes as well. Those two are so close you'd wonder if they had some type of secret romantic relationship. But that'd be a bit strange, now I think of it."

"What? Do they have one?"

"No, not that I know of. Of course, it's a secret, right? And Valkyrie I think can keep a secret pretty well hidden."

Yeah, but with that hand-holdin' business earlier makes me nervous…

* * *

><p>As it turns out, Funny Bones <em>wasn't <em>there like Hair Boy said he'd be. We four searched through that street and those buildin's for hours and found absolutely nothing. I had figured that daddy dearest wouldn't pick any of these buildin's; he at least likes a buildin' that won't _fall_ on him. We returned to the Sanctuary and already groups were there. Bespoke directed a few people to stop and rest and then others were forced to head out again. Stupid China Sorrows and her stupid pretty face showed up, and she practically melted Hair Boy into a puddle of goo.

Bespoke took away China though and tried to get her to find him Funny Bones. She didn't have any luck like the rest of us.

Though Hair Boy was right about Valkyrie not givin' up and all that. She refused to go home when Bespoke told her too, and the worst thing is that she keeps draggin' me around. Her excuse is that since I'm charged to her as the "assistant criminal" I need to go everywhere with her. Well, she did say I could stay in jail while she searches, but I figured that'd end poorly.

As it hit twenty-four hours after the first news we got 'bout Funny Bones, Valkyrie became more frantic. She gripped hard on my hand when she pulled me to new and isolated places to go lookin' for him. And every time I tried to get a word in she'd shout and tell me to shut my mouth. Hair Boy had to practically jam food into her mouth, while Bespoke wouldn't shut up if she didn't drink anythin'. Though they didn't try and stop her crazy search; I guess they knew it'd be useless to try and stop her.

When it got to forty hours, though, I dug my heels into the ground and refused to go searchin' anymore. I had been dragged around what felt like all of Ireland, and Valkyrie was still goin' around to comb over areas again.

"I ain't gonna go with you anymore," I said and crossed my arms.

"Fine!" she shouted suddenly and whipped around to stare at me. "Go back to jail! Rot in a cell for all I care!"

"I know you wanna find Funny Bones, but killin' yourself doin' it doesn't help you at all. You'd work better if you slept and had some type of food in your stomach besides stale toast. I dunno if you think Funny Bones'll think you traipsin' all over Ireland lookin' for him is healthy, but it ain't. Not in the slightest. And he can take care of himself. Ain't he a good deal older than you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Like you care about my health."

I almost shouted that I did care, but I caught myself. Can't let those feelin's get in the way then…

"Yer just so pathetic like this, li'l darlin'. And I'd hate to see you die like this. You need to go out with a fight."

Valkyrie sighed deeply and hung her head down low. "Fine, take me home."

I hugged her tightly and sunk into the ground slowly. I felt her grip my coat and shoulders tightly as we advanced along in the dirt. Her head rested against my chest, but I could feel her slippin'.

"Valkyrie, hold tight," I said over the rumblin' and grumblin' of the earth around us. I stopped movin' and noticed she had actually fallen asleep. I steadied myself on some rocks and brought her hands to her chest and swung her legs up, so I was carryin' her bridal style. I kept movin' a second later and popped up onto the surface a few minutes later. I woke Valkyrie up enough so she could unlock the front door.

"Where have you been?" Uncle Ghost demanded.

"Skulduggery was…kidnapped…" Valkyrie yawned wide and brushed past her uncle and ascended the steps.

"Kidnapped?" he asked, turnin' to me.

"We've been out searchin' ever since Bespoke came and got us two days ago."

"Yes, after another _night_."

"Hey, never said you had to listen in on us."

I slipped past him myself and followed Valkyrie. Her room was dark and clothes were sprawled everywhere. The stuff she had been wearin' just before was sittin' in a pile, and I could hear the shower runnin'. I guess I'd want to shower if all I'd been doin' was marchin' around lookin' for a skeleton.

I collapsed on Valkyrie's bed and waited for her to get out of the shower and make sure she doesn't just fall asleep on the floor. After a while, the water stopped runnin', and I could hear her movin' about in there. Valkyrie stumbled out of the bathroom dressed simply in a t-shirt and underwear.

"Didn't feel like goin' the extra mile to _put on pants_?"

She blinked at me and that was it. Valkyrie slowly made her way over to the bed and she let herself fall down on it, face first. I flopped onto my back and watched her breath for a while.

"I'm cold," she eventually whispered.

"Pants might fix that."

Valkyrie sat up and moved closer to me, placin' her arms all over my chest. "Keep me warm. Please."

She's never been this…vulnerable. I've never seen the great Valkyrie Cain so pitiful lookin'.

Gradually I felt her hands slide up my chest and reach for the buttons on my shirt. By the fourth button I asked what she was doin'.

"Removing your shirt," was her simple reply.

"Yeah, and why?"

"I want you to keep me warm."

"Like that?"

She didn't answer at first, but eventually squeaked out a, "Please."

Despite her total exhaustion, she forced me to roll over onto her and comply. And comply I did.

* * *

><p>Sorry it took so long! I've been kinda busy with a week long Vacation Bible School at my church, playing multiple Harvest Moon games like a lunatic, and visiting my grandparents. Also my summer reading as gotten in the way. I still have a bit over a month to finish the last book I gotta read, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I also have to write a paper on one of the books, but we'll see how well that goes…<p>

ALSO. The week of July 31st – August 6th I'll be in Tennessee with my youth group at church. I'll be there for that whole week and will have no Internet access whatsoever. Just a heads up in case I don't finish the next chapter by then!

So yeah! Thanks a whole ton for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	17. Discussin'

Valkyrie pulled her legs to her chest as the minutes dragged by. "I hate you," she whispered.

"Bespoke issued your fake house arrest; don't blame it all on me, li'l darlin'."

"I wasn't doing anything wrong…"

"You harassed an old woman and pushed her away while chasin' a guy who was only runnin' because you were chasin' him! You've cracked, li'l darlin'."

Valkyrie stuck her tongue out and refused to say anything else. She cocked her head at the sound of the front door rattlin' open and soft footsteps a while later. I watched the entryway to the kitchen and stared in disbelief as Funny Bones strolled right on in and sat himself down neatly across from Valkyrie. By her face, she was just as shocked as I.

"I figured that since I've been missing for a week," he said happily, "I don't need to have any grand entrance. I think I generated the desired effect, wouldn't you say, Sanguine?"

He turned to me and seemed to smile.

"Sure thing, Funny Bones…"

"Good, good. How have you two been?" he asked. "Valkyrie, I bet you've been out looking for me like a madwoman."

Valkyrie glared and stood up. "You're a moron," she groaned. She reached for her phone on the counter and quickly called Bespoke to call off all the search parties since she'd found him. Funny Bones shouted from the back that he had found us.

Valkyrie sat back down. "All right, where have you been all this time?"

Funny Bones shrugged. "Up north, quite far away from here. It was a pretty old building, but not so old that it was going to fall apart."

"Was it Scarab who kidnapped you?"

"Scarab? No. It was one of those flying monsters. He just came swooping down and lifted me up and away. Maybe Scarab was in the building, but he never showed himself. My captors, besides the giant creature, were two German men. I'm assuming they're German, since all they did was shout at me in German."

"Could you pick up anything?"

"I know the basics of the language, but since they were native speakers, I couldn't pick up anything useful. I believe they were talking about a woman for a while, since they kept using the pronoun for it. Oh, actually, one did speak some English."

"What did they say?" Valkyrie asked all frantically.

"He specifically said, 'We want that girl.' to which I replied, 'I don't know where Jessie's girl is.' So he got angry and punched the wall."

"Sounds…real fun."

"It was."

"What girl was he talking about?" Valkyrie asked. "Not me, right?"

Funny Bones shrugged. "There are many girls in my life, Valkyrie. There's China, for one. And also Sharon, Finbar's wife."

"You've never even met Sharon, Skulduggery."

"Well, she's still a girl. Don't forget Madame Mist, Ravel's girlfriend, whatever her name is, and well, there are many others. Of course, he went on to say that he wanted the Death Bringer, so that narrows down my selection of females, no?"

Valkyrie groaned and put her face in her hands. "Why do they want the Death Bringer?"

"Oh, just to destroy the world. What else does the Death Bringer do?"

"Apparently not much else," Valkyrie replied. "What did you say after that?"

"I told them I wouldn't tell them where she was, and that they couldn't have the Death Bringer. 'She's much too busy,' I said to them. They got angry and left after that. Later they said they wanted to use the Death Bringer to use their power and go on a rampage. I suppose it's stereotypical: they want world domination."

"Well why haven't they…They killed all those Necromancers at the Temple because they're looking for me!" Valkyrie cried out in frustration and stood up and paced the kitchen.

"Well that's a pretty far jump, don't ya think, li'l darlin'?" I muttered.

"No, all those people had helped me with training."

"And ya didn't realize this before _because_?"

"They only worked with me for a few days at most," she replied. "If they really wanted to know my location, they'd ask Solomon Wreath. Or Melancholia. She'd tell them where I am."

Funny Bones suddenly added, "I suppose it's safe to say that Sanguine here knows you're the supposed Death Bringer?"

"Known for a while, Funny Bones."

"Ah, good to know." He paused. "But anyway, Valkyrie, if that's the case, why haven't they ignored all the other people and just headed for someone close, like Wreath?"

"Wreath doesn't have a super fancy title," Valkyrie explained. "All the other people who were killed had special, higher-ranking titles. He took me in as an apprentice, like you did, Skulduggery."

"Of course, since I was MIA." He laughed a little. Apparently I was missin' some big joke.

"What? Where were you?" I asked.

"Valkyrie can explain it later," Funny Bones simply replied.

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "Did your kidnappers reveal anything else?"

"Not specifically, no."

"And that means…?"

"One muttered, 'Kill more then.' I took that as they'll just go about killing more Necromancers since no one will reveal the location of the Death Bringer?"

"Seems silly," I added.

"What is?"

"The fact that everyone is protectin' you, li'l darlin'. Yer not worth much, ya know."

She laughed quietly and bit her lip, sayin', "They're not out to protect _me_; they're protecting their Death Bringer. No one touches the Death Bringer unless they say, kind of."

"Well how come they don't keep ya locked up in a cell where no one can get to ya?"

She shrugged. "I bet they could if they wanted to. I suppose it's because I don't want that, and what the Death Bringer says, goes."

"But then why aren't you commandin' a whole legion of Necromancers?"

"They don't like Valkyrie Cain," Funny Bones said plainly. "They do like the Death Bringer. When the time comes, I suppose she'll get control. When the world begins to end and death needs to be brought…" He trailed off and looked at Valkyrie.

She shrugged again and sighed. "We should really probably go stop those two bad guys, don't you think?"

"I'd much prefer to stay here, li'l darlin'."

"Well, your opinion is not important."

"Not now," Funny Bones, standin' up. "I need to get to the Sanctuary. Stay here, and I'll be back later."

Valkyrie sighed. "Wait," she suddenly exclaimed. "How did you even escape?"

Funny Bones turned and stood still a moment. "With a little help from my friends." A beat of silence, and he continued, "I get high with a little help from my frieeeeends."

"Oh, sure, thanks, John Lennon. I appreciate it."

He waved. "I promise not to go missing this time," he called as he left the house and shut the door.

Valkyrie sighed. "Okay, let's get going."

"Wait, where? Funny Bones said to stay still."

"And I listen to Skulduggery? Come on, get up."

"Valkyrie, I ain't leavin'."

"Yes, you are."

"'Fraid I ain't. And technically, Bespoke never lifted that house arrest of yours. You saw how serious he was 'bout it. You'll probably get yelled at real bad."

"Ghastly loves me."

"He won't when he finds out you've defied him totally and ran around to try and find some crazy Germans bent on using _you _to destroy the world. Do you have a death wish or somethin'?"

"Why do you suddenly care so much!"

"I…I, eh…I want to be the guy who kills you. Duh! Haven't ya gotten that through yer thick head?"

Valkyrie didn't move for a minute. She finally nodded once and left the room. She returned shortly with her huge-ass gun. She disassembled it and cleaned each and every piece slowly. When she put it all back together, she simply muttered, "Auf Wiedersehen."

She means business.

* * *

><p>Okay. Fine. This chapter was God-awful. I understand. It's okay. It was mostly to get my plot moving again, so whatever. I apologize.<p>

So I probably won't have chapter 18 up yet by the time I leave on the 31st of July, and I'll return that next Saturday, the 6th. It'll be an intense week of...interesting things. Send up a little prayer for my whole group if you feel it :)

But thanks for reading anyway and sorry for any mistakes! :)


	18. Askin' and Kissin'

I woke up and realized no one was sleepin' next to me. I looked and noticed Valkyrie had piled all my clothes on a chair to the side, but all of her clothes were missin'. I got dressed quickly and meandered downstairs. I could hear Valkyrie gigglin' from the kitchen, so I went to investigate. She was sittin' with her legs to her chest, and Hair Boy sat right across from her.

"Good morning!" Hair Boy called happily. "Someone looks awake."

"Hush, Hair Boy," I groaned.

Valkyrie shot me a glare. "Be nice to Fletcher."

Hair Boy shrugged slightly and took a sip of…milk from his glass. I sat down in the chair next to Valkyrie and rested my head on the table. Hair Boy kept talkin' about somethin', but I wasn't listenin' to what he said. No, all I could hear was Valkyrie's continuous _gigglin'_. She just laughed and laughed at everythin' he said! What's he sayin' that's so funny? It ain't like I ain't funny. Why doesn't Valkyrie laugh at the stuff I say? Somethin' wrong with me? With her?

I groaned at my thoughts.

"You all right, there?" Hair Boy muttered.

"Peachy," I replied.

Oh dear Lord, I was _jealous_. I had hoped that it wouldn't come to this. When I get jealous, that can only mean one thing: I'm –

"What's that on your neck?" Hair Boy suddenly asked.

I looked up and noticed Hair Boy was pointin' to a giant red blotch on Valkyrie's neck, a bit below her jaw. She stroked the red spot and shrugged.

"I guess maybe it's a rash…?" She shrugged again. "I'll get a look at it later, though."

Hair Boy nodded in agreement and chugged the rest of his milk. Valkyrie shot me a horrible death glare and whispered angrily, "Good job on the _hickey_."

"Ain't like I wanted it there," I growled back.

Hair Boy set his glass down and stared between the two of us. "I'm glad you two are getting along."

"Hmm? We're gettin' along?"

"I wasn't aware of that."

"Well," Hair Boy explained, "you're not constantly at each other's throats – for the most part. You're tolerating each other, which makes everything work out so much nicer. Good job putting aside those differences or whatever you have."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Thanks, Fletcher. I guess." She took a drink from a mug of coffee in front of her. "Speaking of work, I need your help with some stuff."

"What can I do?"

"Since you basically deal with the world's biggest magic shipping service or whatever you want to call it, are you able to ship around, like, animals?"

"Like cute little doggies? Or like giant Hell Hounds?"

"More like Hell Hounds."

Hair Boy frowned and bit his lip for a second. "I'm not supposed to breath a word about this to anyone, but we do have a rather elite and secretive service for those particular orders. Regular mages don't want Hell Hounds or the like, so the only people who know about this are shady and have questionable motives."

"Could you get in there and see if anything came in a while ago for giant green flying monsters?"

Hair Boy gave Valkyrie a strange look. "I guess I can. It'll probably be a while before I can get someone's attention down there, since I'm pretty low in the ranking in the business. I can try though."

Valkyrie beamed. "You're the best, Fletcher!" she shouted and stood to hug him. He laughed and hugged back. I gripped the table hard to restrain from yellin' at Hair Boy and blowin' the cover. He placed his glass in the sink and grabbed a ring of keys from the counter. Valkyrie gave him a more detailed description of what this stupid little monsters look like, and he left pretty shortly after that. Valkyrie looked at the clock and sighed. She said she was gonna go up to her uncle's study to try and find anythin' 'bout these things. She said I looked cranky, so I didn't have to join her. And she was right. I _was _cranky. Stupid Hair Boy with his stupid smile and stupid jokes made me peeved. All I wanted to do was kick somethin'.

But I only wanted to since I knew I was gettin' jealous. Jealously is a big ol' weakness for me, and when it comes around, I know I'm about to go totally crazy…with God-awful feelin's that I don't particularly wanna be feelin' for _Valkyrie Cain_! Ya know? I can't start thinkin' she's more beautiful than the stars or the moon or some crap like that!

Ah, God, I'll kill myself before I fall _in love _with Valkyrie FREAKING Cain.

I wallowed in self-pity for the three hours she was upstairs readin'. I tried to distract myself with horrible images of me suckin' the life from her body, but that only lead to much more…eh, well, I'm just gonna say these images rather had to do with creatin' life than endin' it…

Valkyrie came down stairs a while later. She paused when she noticed I hadn't moved from when she last left me, but sat down anyway. "I didn't find anything up there," she said. "Gordon wasn't much help either. He kept berating me for whatever kind of relationship we have."

"I will smash that stone of his if he blows the secret," I grumbled.

"I'll be there with a few hammers to get it down," Valkyrie added.

I smirked and looked up at her. Her shirt looked old and worn but fit her nicely. Her hair went down both sides and went past her chest by a few inches and rested in very straight columns. She looked...attractive.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

I stopped my starin' and said, "No real reason, li'l darlin'. I'm just admirin' your…" I trailed off and waved my hand at her in general.

She rolled her eyes, but I still managed to catch the vague colorin' on her cheeks. She folded her arms and propped her legs onto the table.

"I should probably go to China's to see what she has on these things," she muttered more to herself than to me.

"Ugh, again? To China's? She freaks me out."

Valkyrie laughed. "Why?"

"She just gets me the wrong way. I dunno."

"That happens a lot with her," Valkyrie said. "You get used to it after a while. And she'll eventually stop using her powers on you so you can actually think straight when you're around her. Although Fletcher still falls for her every time, even though she's not trying it."

"Hair Boy has a very limited mind, from what I can tell."

"He's sweet, so let him be."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but didn't say anythin' else. Valkyrie got up and made to grab her keys. She waltzed right by me, so I shot my hand out to grab her forearm. She stopped in her tracks to look at me, but she didn't say anythin'.

"Stop workin', would ya?"

Valkyrie still didn't say anythin'. Instead she wiggled from my grasp and stepped closer to my chair. She placed her hands on my thighs and bent down so we were level with each other.

"What should I do instead?" she asked quietly, her eyes burnin'.

I didn't answer, but instead stood up and pinned her down to the table. Valkyrie didn't seem to mind this, so I carried on for a while.

"Not in the kitcheeen," she groaned at the feelin' of one of my wanderin' hands.

"Where then?"

"Upstairs."

I backed away and let her sit up. Valkyrie shook her head to clear her mind slightly. She looked at me, and then jumped from the table and managed to wrap her legs around my waist. I instinctively went to hold her up by supportin' her backside. She kissed and sucked at my neck while I tried to make it up the stairs.

"If you keep doin' that," I panted, "I will forget all about the bed and just settle for the hallway floor. I will drop you and take you here."

"Have at it," was her simple reply. I inhaled sharply at her answer and placed her on the ground. Ten minutes later, with her whole chest uncovered and my pants unbuttoned, we heard the front door begin to unlock.

Valkyrie threw me off of her and tried to cover herself.

"For God's sake!" I growled. "Why the hell do people just burst into your house without warnin'?"

"I keep telling them to stop!" she answered. "Come on, hurry up."

Valkyrie raced down the stairs right after I had finished puttin' on my shirt. She checked herself in the mirror to make sure her hair wasn't too messed. She glared at the red marks I left on her neck but figured she had to just leave them alone. I stepped off of the last stair just as Bespoke and Funny Bones entered the house.

"Hello," Funny Bones greeted. "Did you get Fletcher to search around for anything?"

Valkyrie nodded; her breathin' was erratic from our activities. "He said he could try but that it would probably be a while before he got anything."

"Why are you panting?" Bespoke asked. He looked at me and back to Valkyrie.

She looked panicked for a second, but she quickly composed herself. "Sanguine was running like a coward from me, since I was mad with him for continuously insulting us all. That's it."

Bespoke chuckled quietly and stepped around us to head upstairs. "Mind if we speak with Gordon?" he asked.

Valkyrie shrugged. "Go right ahead. I feel you like him more than you do me."

Funny Bones breezed past her and stated, "Well, we _do_."

She lashed out and hit his arm playfully. "Oh whatever."

Once they climbed the stairs and shut the door to the study, Valkyrie turned to me and said, "Nothing like that can happen again."

"Agreed. Put some kinda spell around your house so people can't barge in or somethin'. I bet there's somethin' like that."

She nodded slowly. "I'll look into it, then." Her eyes slid to stare straight into my own. She advanced closer and kissed me softly. She started to pull back, but I placed my hand on the back of her neck to keep her grounded. She didn't resist and kept kissin'. A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door.

"Seriously!" I groaned. "They all do this on purpose! I hate your friends!"

Valkyrie smiled and ran to get the door, since whoever was knockin' wasn't stoppin'. She wrenched open the door, and there stood _Caelan_.

"Oh!" Valkyrie was surprised. She noticed that the sun was kinda beginnin' to set now. "What's up?"

"I've seen Scarab around here," he simply groaned. He was incredibly tense; I guess the vampire-ness was settin' in just then. And then suddenly I realized what exactly he said.

"What!" I shouted. "Where!"

"I saw him lurking around the Necromancer Temple. I think he saw me because he bolted immediately. He's back in Ireland." He glanced back at the still settin' sun. "I need to go. I didn't take the injection."

"Be careful!" Valkyrie nodded and shouted as he bolted away like a scared animal. She shut the door and gripped my hand and dragged me upstairs. She entered the study and explained the new situation to them. Almost mechanically, Funny Bones and Bespoke got up and left the house, sayin' they'd alert others.

Valkyrie groaned, "I'm beginning to_ really_ hate your dad."

I replied, "Oh, I've hated him my entire life."

* * *

><p>Hey there! I'm back from a great week in Tennessee! Most of the work we did there was physical labor, and that isn't really my strong suit XD I got a horrible bug bite that swelled to mountainous sizes upon my leg as well. The talks we had at night weren't all the good, but the worship time (all the singing) was really powerful. Like, I can't describe it. You had to be there to feel it. I had a really good time there, but I'm glad I'm back at home :)<p>

Anywaaay. So yeah. Here's this chapter! I'm getting pretty excited because after the next chapter, it's some confrontations and battles and injuries and yaaay~

Thanks so much for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	19. Nighttime Talkin'

I woke up and scratched my arm. Valkyrie's hair had draped over it, ticklin' me. I shifted away from her in case she kicked me again like a few nights ago. Her blankets were falling from her chest; she always insisted on at least puttin' on underwear afterwards. I dunno why. I placed my arms behind my head and tried to get to sleep again.

A few minutes later, though, Valkyrie suddenly sighed in her sleep. I watched her body twitch in eight different places as she kept sighin'. She hissed something out, and then groaned. Um, what's happenin'? She quieted down a few minutes later, but then suddenly flailed real hard. She groaned again and muttered little things I couldn't understand for a while. When, ten minutes later, she screamed and shot up in bed, I realized she had been havin' a nightmare.

Her breathin' was hard and crazy.

"Uh, Valkyrie?" I asked, reachin' out to her steadily.

She turned to me, her eyes wide and frightened. Her lip trembled. And then she _sobbed_. I mean, _sobbed_. She clutched her face in her hands and rested her head against her bent knees. Her shoulders were shakin' even!

"H-Hey, Valkyrie," I tried, but she waved a hand at me to shut me up.

I kinda figured she wouldn't stop sobbin' for a while, and I wanted to get my sleep, so I scooted to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Them nightmares are awful, ain't they?"

She didn't answer – just kept on sobbin'.

"What was it about? Me bein' stuck with you for the rest of your life?" I asked, tryin' to joke.

Again, no answer.

I shifted and wrapped my whole arm around her back and pulled her to me. She fell hard into me and kept sobbin'. Now, I dunno, but dealin' with cryin' girls is like defusin' a bomb. Say one wrong word or cut the wrong wire, and yer done for. So I just decided to not say anythin'. Valkyrie didn't seem to hear me from what I did say, so I figured it wouldn't do much.

A while later, her sobs quieted down, and she untangled herself from my arms. Her eyes were pretty red, and her face was pretty splotchy. She crept from the bed and slipped into the bathroom for a minute. When she came back out, her face looked a bit better, but she now just looked exhausted. She silently crawled back into bed and placed an arm over her eyes.

"I love my life," she whispered, "but I would give it away if I didn't have to suffer from these nightmares."

And that was that. She rolled over and went back to sleep. I moved closer to her and placed my arm around her stomach. She shuddered at the skin-on-skin feelin' but didn't tell me to move away. So then we fell asleep like that again.

A few hours later, I woke up as Valkyrie crawled away from bed again. She sat up and bent down to gather her clothes up.

"Hey, where do ya think yer goin'?" I asked.

She looked at me. "To go shower."

"It's…four in the mornin'," I said, after checkin' the clock. "Come back."

Valkyrie sighed and threw her clothes down again and climbed back into bed. She folded herself against me, and I stroked her hair softly. Valkyrie seemed to tense. Maybe it was from the nightmare or somethin', but she just wasn't as…touchin' as she normally was.

"Hey, Valkyrie?"

"Hmm?"

"I didn't, um…take ya or anythin', right?"

She sat up a bit to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't take _you_? Ya know? Like, innocence? Eh, virginity?"

"Oh!" she sighed in realization. "Oh, no, you didn't. Why? Does that matter whether you did or not?"

"Well had I taken it, I guess I'da felt bad. It wouldn't have been special or nothin'."

She smiled lightly. "Aww, you have morals!"

"Oh shut up."

Valkyrie laughed, but was quiet.

A few minutes later, though, I asked, "Who did you lose it too? And why? Oh God, please tell me not Hair Boy!"

Valkyrie stuck out her tongue. "It wasn't to Fletcher. And what is, twenty questions or whatever? Why so curious?"

I shrugged. "I just am." I paused. "How about I ask ya as many questions as I want, and ya answer them all, but then ya do the same to me."

She shrugged too. "Works for me."

"Okay, so who'd ya lose it to?"

"His name was Rory Spade. He and I were together for, um, five years, I believe."

"What happened? And what happened with Hair Boy?"

"Well Fletcher wanted to travel around and see things, and I didn't. I wanted to stay here with Skulduggery and all that. We were friendly about it, and it's worked out. He left to see the world for a few years, and a few months later, I met Rory. And with Rory – well, he died."

"O-Oh. I'm sorry, li'l darlin'."

"He went to go on a dangerous mission, and the odds were against him. He was pretty sure he wouldn't make it out alive. He told me to not, you know, freak out over it and not grieve and all that. I visit his grave on the anniversary of his death, but I try to keep all the memories of him out of my mind, honestly. It can't affect me."

I nodded. "Do you have family?"

"I do. My parents and little sister live a bit away from this house. I won't tell you where or their names."

I smirked. "Do they know all about this?"

"Basically, yes. They dropped by unexpectedly and saw a skeleton sitting on the couch and…Tanith sitting on the ceiling. So, uh, I couldn't exactly pretend they didn't see all that. They don't know how dangerous everything I do is. They know of magic and the fact that I'm a detective for the 'magical police' here, but that's pretty much. I always say that I have business to get to, but I never go into details. They'd be horrified."

"What we do is pretty terrifyin'," I agreed. "Are you ever afraid that you won't come back after somethin'?"

"Yes." That was it. She didn't say anythin' else. She shifted a bit and that caused my hand to slip over her stomach. I grazed over her scar.

"Where did you get this?" I asked softly, tracin' it with my finger.

She suddenly sat up and sighed. She pulled the blankets down to fully uncover the markin'. She replied, "You gave it to me."

"What? When? Why don't I remember this?"

She shrugged. "Skulduggery and I were hunting you, since we thought that you'd maybe still be with, um, Tanith. We caught you, but there was no Tanith. I remember you swiping out at me with your razor, but you had thought you hadn't gotten me. You ran off after that. Skulduggery had to take me to Nye I was bleeding so much. But I guess that's what I get for not wearing my protective coat."

"Huh. That's interestin', then."

She nodded. "I'm not dead yet, but at least you wounded me profusely." A stretch of silence followed that. Valkyrie finally said, "Are you done with your questions for me?"

"I believe so, yes, li'l darlin'. Ask me anythin'."

"How old are you?" was her first question.

I shrugged and said, "I honestly don't know. I wanna say I was about thirty when daddy dearest was thrown into jail, and he was there for, what, two-hundred years? Probably around 250 years, I guess."

"Is Scarab your only living relative?"

"I don't know either. I had a sister and a brother, but I haven't seen them since daddy dearest was put in jail. But whether they're dead or alive, I don't care. I hated 'em, and they hated me. My mamma died a while ago, too. I think hearin' about everythin' her children and husband got into put so much stress on her, she just keeled over."

"Did you have a bad relationship with her?"

"For most of my childhood, she was the only person I'd talk to. Daddy dearest kept doin', uh, stuff, but she wouldn't stand for any of it. But when I was more of a teenager we grew apart. I guess it kinda sucked when she died. I realized my mamma wouldn't ever be around to, like, make pies or nothin' anymore."

Valkyrie was quiet but asked, "What had Scarab been doing that made her upset?"

"He just went around and did bad-guy type things, ya know? Nothin' out of the ordinary for 'im."

She looked up and stared me straight in the eyes. I could already tell what the next question was gonna be. I was right when she asked, "What happened to your eyes? Why are they like that?"

I stretched hard for a second before answerin'. "Well, all right. I was born blind." She gasped quietly, but didn't say anythin' else. "I had actual eyes, but the irises were clouded and kinda milky lookin'. Well, apparently so. Ain't like I ever saw 'em. So daddy dearest was set on findin' a cure. He would spend forever locked away in the basement, playin' around with rats and other things. When he thought he'd found a thing that wouldn't kill me and would improve my sight, he'd make me drink it. Or, well, inject it. Most times he just had a ton of needles that he'd shove into my arm. That sure was fun.

"So, naturally, mamma didn't really like that I was bein' experimented on. She kept tryin' to stop daddy dearest, but he refused. So fast-forwardin' after a while, daddy dearest finally came up THE ONE. The one thing that would help me see. He injected it, I went to bed, woke up, and my eyes were cleared."

"What color were they?"

"Kinda hazel, but for the most part they were brown. Unless I wore green."

"So what happened? Why do you not have any eyes at all?"

I shrugged. "Not sure. For one whole day I could see with _real _eyes. My mamma took so many pictures that day. I went to bed that night and woke up, still able to see. So, ya know, I figured I still _had eyes_. But no. Mamma greeted me like normal, but then she screamed. For some reason, I just didn't have eyes. Don't know why, and I don't think I'll ever know why."

Valkyrie was quiet.

"Were you expectin' a different story, li'l darlin'?"

"Something less…tragic, admittedly."

"I guess it's kinda hard to grasp the fact that I, cold-hearted, killin', psychotic Billy-Ray Sanguine, had a family."

Valkyrie made a noise of surprise at my statement. She stared me down seriously, searchin' around in my face for some sign of emotion. She suddenly bent down and kissed me. This kiss was far more gentle and soft than anythin' before. As we moved against each other, she trailed down to nip at the sensitive spot on my neck.

She kissed there, and I groaned and muttered, "Mmm, Valkyrie, I think I –"

Before I could finish that, though, she moved her lips back to my own. And thank God she did, or things probably would have ended badly. We didn't actually get too far, since I explained I'd probably need some Gatorade or somethin' to keep goin'. Valkyrie laughed, but she stopped kissin' and rested her head in the crook of my neck. And we fell asleep like that.

We woke up later, at around ten in the mornin'. We dressed and moseyed downstairs. Hair Boy was there already. He greeted us. I flopped down in a seat, still tired from all of the activities and talkin' from last night.

I rested my head on the table while Valkyrie went and grabbed somethin', I dunno, I was too tired. There was a silence for a few minutes, but then Hair Boy screamed.

Valkyrie whipped around and shouted, "My God, what was that for?"

Hair Boy was hyperventilatin' like crazy, with eyes wide and mouth open in horror. "You guys are…you're…Oh my God!"

"What? Fletcher, what?"

Hair Boy flopped back into his chair, his eyes directed to the ceilin'.

"Hair Boy? You all right over there?"

He whimpered and pointed a finger at me. "You two are sleeping together, aren't you?" he asked quietly, surprisin'ly calm with this statement.

I almost sent a glance to Valkyrie, but she jumped in with, "What? Fletcher, that's ridiculous! Why would I do that?"

Ouch.

"Valkyrie!" he barked. "I'm not stupid! Sanguine has _nail marks_ and _hickeys_ all over him and so do you! It's not a _rash_! And I see those wayward glances; and I see your wandering hands, Sanguine. I could tell something was going on between you, even though, you, Valkyrie, denied it. Why? Why…him?"

I looked to Valkyrie, wonderin' if she'd respond to his rant. She sighed and set down a mug on the counter and muttered, lookin' to the ground, "Please don't tell anyone, Fletcher…"

"Oh, God!" he bawled, slappin' his forehead. "Valkyrie! He's tried to kill you! He _took_ Tanith away from us!"

"Hair Boy, that was not me," I interjected. "That was the Remnant. Ain't my fault Remnant Tanith found me so good-lookin'."

"Either way, Valkyrie, this guy…he's a criminal. He's lied and cheated and stolen and hated and killed and almost _killed_ you! What is so _sexy_ about that? Are you proud of that scar on her, Sanguine!" he suddenly asked fervently, roundin' on me. "Are you happy that she'll be permanently marked with your stupid grudge because she stole your knife when she was _thirteen_?"

I stared, vaguely afraid, as Hair Boy growled and yanked at...that giant fluff of spikes on his head.

"Fletcher!" Valkyrie said incredulously. "What is wrong with you?"

"No!" he screamed. "What is wrong with _you_? Him!" He shouted at me like I was a giant monster. "Him! Of everyone you could have, you pick the psychotic assassin!"

"Fletcher," she pleaded, "it's not like that! We…I, uh, it meant to-"

"Valkyrie, stop." Hair Boy sighed and backed away a few steps. "You are insane Valkyrie, and I don't know why they let you, Sanguine, out of jail."

"Don't tell anyone! Fletcher! Please…"

He glared at her harshly but then finally muttered, "Fine."

And then he teleported.

I remained sittin', watchin' Valkyrie. She blinked a few times and took a deep breath.

"Gonna be all right?" I asked her quietly.

She nodded. "Yourself?"

"I'll manage."

Now I just gotta hope and pray to God that Hair Boy won't tell anyone.

* * *

><p>Yaay! I've been lookin' forward to this chapter for a while. I've had the story about Sanguine's eyes in the back of my head for sooo long, so I'm glad I finally got it out. We're getting kind of close to the ending (probably around five or so chapters left) so I'm just really excited.<p>

Also my obsession with the movie **Labyrinth **has surfaced again. It comes back occasionally, but this time it's come back in full-swing. So much to the point of considering a crossover after this story is done...But, I'm not totally sure. We'll see~

But do you think Fletcher will tell? Only I know what'll haaaaappeeeen!

OH YEAH. OVER 100 REVIEWS. DUDE. AWESOME. Thanks for all your kind words so far! I'm really happy that this story turned out to be so loved by you guys and whatnot. And I hope I'm doing a good job of making them all in-character. I said before that I was really going to try and make sure Sanguine didn't turn into a giant romantic sap.

(Also, from writing this story, half the time, whenever I come across a word with 'ing' in the end, I automatically cut off the g and add an apostrophe XDD)

So yeah. Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	20. Tryin' but Failin'

"So Fletcher told me the news he found out."

I'm gonna die. I didn't ever think I'd go out like this. I always thought it'd be fightin' or somethin'. Not like this.

I looked at Valkyrie. She was tryin' not to panic. "What news, Skulduggery?"

He titled his head to the right at our reactions. "He found where those creatures come from."

...Oh. Well thank God!

Valkyrie relaxed too. "Where are they, then? Who bought them?"

"They can be found in Madagascar, it looks like," Funny Bones explained. "As to who has the 'ghouls' now, we're not sure. A man purchased some, but they were stolen. The only thing left from their crate was a note that had the letters L and S on it. Sneaky, I'd say."

"Well how're we supposed to find 'em? Ain't like they left their address or nothin'."

"Ah, however I was taken to their hideout. Remember? Up north? Unless they've moved places, that's where they'll still be."

"If you've made it back to us, though," Valkyrie added, "how do we know they haven't moved? You've told us all where you were kept, so these guys would want to move places to avoid detection."

"It seemed they rather wanted me to escape. I think they think I'd return later with the Death Bringer."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, it all comes back to the Death Bringer."

"The world does revolve around ya, yep."

"Well, fine." Valkyrie stretched and grabbed her coat to slip it on. "Let's head on out and get rid of these stupid ghouls and German freaks. I'm tired of all this."

"Ghastly said to let him know when we planned to head out," Funny Bones replied. "And make sure you have your gun, Valkyrie. Those ghoul things have a hard time flying and moving around when you've shot them."

She nodded and bolted from the room to grab her gun from upstairs. She returned and laced her boots up quickly. "Well, come on then, Sanguine." She gestured for me to follow her.

I don't think this is gonna go that well. I just kinda feel like this is gonna suck, ya know?

* * *

><p>Valkyrie had been kicked out of her passenger seat. She sat in the back with me, and Funny Bones and Bespoke sat up front. For quite a while we just drove and drove.<p>

"How do you know where yer goin'?"

"I remember flying over that rock we just passed," Funny Bones explained. "I'm using plain sense of direction and observation."

"Oh yes, I've never a tree like _that_ before!" Valkyrie sarcastically replied, pointin' to a tree.

Bespoke laughed at her remark. He switched his gaze to outside where he watched the trees fly by. "It looks like we're getting close," he said. "I can see half-broken trees with missing limbs all around. Those ghoul things probably caused all that."

Funny Bones nodded and kept a harsh eye on the road. He wouldn't look at anythin' else but the beaten path we were ridin' on. Abruptly, though, he pulled off to the side and stopped the car.

"We walk the rest of the way," he stated simply. He cocked his gun and held it tightly. Bespoke followed behind slowly. Valkyrie wrung her hands; dark shadows splattered the ground with each shake. I walked next to her as she advanced up ahead.

"Ready for this?" she muttered.

"I'm tired of all this mystery and crap. It should really just stop right now."

She smiled and said nothin' more. Funny Bones led the way for a while. He weaved in and out of trees and growth so much we had essentially made a giant zigzagged line. Though, he stopped suddenly in a clearin'.

"There it is!" he said happily and pressed on.

The buildin' in front of us was _awful_. It was a plain, white rectangle with broken windows and missin' doors. Grime and moss covered the outside and probably a good part of the inside too. This didn't seem like a place daddy dearest would pick out, that's for sure. Around us was totally silent. No birds were around to happily chirp or nothin'. The wind blew and the buildin' creaked because of it. As we moved along, we kept seein' wooden boards all over the place. They were scattered practically everywhere. Valkyrie tripped a few times over some holes in the ground, but I caught her. She wrenched herself from my grasp to avoid any suspicions on us or the likes.

After our long walk to the front door, we all stopped.

"This should be lots of fun, everyone," Funny Bones said. "If all goes right, we should be able to get rid of whoever is in here fairly easy."

"And what if it goes wrong?"

"That's not a very good thing for us, then, I should think." He gestured to the door. "Who would like to enter first?"

We were all silent.

"Ah, Sanguine!" he called. "Thank you for volunteering. We appreciate that."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. I climbed up the stairs leadin' to the door and listened to it for a second. I couldn't hear anythin' breathin' or movin' on the other side. I jiggled the door handle, only to find it was locked. I sighed and shrugged and kicked it open forcefully. The door burst open and wobbled wildly on its hinges. I took a step into the buildin' and motioned for everyone to follow. I could tell Valkyrie was behind me, with Funny Bones and Ghastly at the back. The entire inside was white, too. And I was right: moss and grime was everywhere. Sharp nails jutted out from the wall at odd angles.

"Watch yer head," I muttered back at an approachin' low doorway. We passed through the doorway and ended up in another plain white room. Tables and chairs were strewn around carelessly. Glass had shattered, obviously, from all the crunchin' out feet made as we stepped around. We searched around the room for a bit until off to the left there was a strange _thump_ noise.

We dropped everythin'. I raced ahead of everyone and wrenched open an old wooden door. Before I could avoid it, a stupid wooden board came swingin' and hit me in the back of the head. I fell over from the force, and I could hear a high-pitched scream. I lost consciousness after a few more seconds, though, and was out for the count.

* * *

><p>Slowly and sadly I came back and awake. The dim light in the room I was in hurt my eyes, and my head hurt even more. I moved stiffly but noticed I wasn't chained up or shackled anywhere. I also noticed I was totally alone except for someone in the corner sittin' in a chair. They were almost totally hidden in the darkness, but I could see their folded legs.<p>

"Glad you're up, son."

I moaned. "Seriously? Yer behind this?"

Daddy dearest got up from his chair and bent down to my level on the ground. "It wasn't my idea, no. But when two young gentlemen approached me with a very nice offer, I figured I couldn't refuse. I can bring death and destruction to the world _and _get to kill Valkyrie Cain. Good plan in my mind."

"Where are they? What happened to them?"

"They're fine, son, they're fine. Don't worry."

"I will go on some rampage if I see you've hurt 'em in anyway."

"I think, though, son, if we replace the 'them' with 'Valkyrie' your true feelings can be revealed." Daddy dearest smiled.

"H-How?"

"Don't know what you're talking about, son. Now do you want to see your 'friends' or not?"

I staggered up and followed him out of the little room. Scarab led us around down windin' and dark hallways. He pushed open a door slowly to reveal another freakin' white room. A plain wooden door was off to the side.

"Wait here," he said. "And don't think you'll be able to escape or anything. I'd hope my son wouldn't be moronic enough to try that."

He left me in the room and disappeared behind the other door. He returned a few minutes later, alone again.

"Where are they!" I demanded.

"Hold your horses!" he shouted, roundin' on me. "God, you're getting to be an impatient brat, aren't you?"

I folded my arms and stared at the door for what felt like hours. Eventually, though, the door opened. One very tall and very muscular man walked through first. He carried a canvas bag with him. He stopped short and turned around and grabbed somethin'. When he turned back, though, I saw he had grabbed onto Valkyrie's arm and was draggin' _her_ around. She looked tired and beaten up, and her face had a bit of dried blood on it. He stood her straight to the side and went back to the door and returned, grippin' Funny Bones on the arm. Bespoke emerged next, and right after him, almost an exact clone of the first big guy. They had the same hair, eyes, face, body, and muscles. It was pretty freaky, to say the least.

There was a nice and tense silence for a while until Funny Bones finally said, "Well, I suppose things _did _go wrong, Valkyrie."

Daddy dearest only laughed.

* * *

><p>I AM CRANKING THESE CHAPTERS OUT LIKE MAD.<p>

What's gonna happen? The next chapter's gonna be a pretty fun one, I can tell already. Just you waaaait!

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	21. Shoutin'

"So," Funny Bones said after daddy dearest had gotten through with his laughter, "who here is L and who is S?"

One hulkin' dude stepped forward and said, "_Ich bin _Lidos."

The other guy added, "I am Sammorine. He is Lidos. Lidos does not speak much English." He looked at Funny Bones. "I am glad you brought your girl. We need her."

"Anything for you."

Sammorine frowned. He looked at daddy dearest and nodded quickly though. He took a giant step and gripped Valkyrie hard on both arms. She kicked and flailed tryin' to break free, but he simply strode over to us. He dropped Valkyrie unceremoniously; she couldn't fun before daddy dearest grabbed her, too. He pressed his forearm into her throat, chokin' her. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out _my _razor.

He saw my look of surprise and muttered, "Did you think we'd really let you keep your weapons?" He gestured over to Funny Bones and Bespoke, who both had the two guns pointed at their heads.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie groaned, "why is there no Plan B?"

He shrugged. "We'll be all right."

Daddy dearest sighed and rolled his eyes. He took my razor and released the blade and held it close to Valkyrie's neck. He held her tight around the waist.

"Will you take up my offer now, son? I guess you figured we'll kill Valkyrie if you don't join us."

I glared hard at him and almost responded, but Funny Bones suddenly jumped in. "That doesn't many any sense, Scarab," he muttered. "Sanguine, I'm sure, wants to join you. He certainly wants Valkyrie dead. Why would not joining you result in Valkyrie's death? It would make sense if because he joined you, he'd get to kill her." He shook her head. "I'm at a loss, honestly."

"What?" Daddy dearest smiled wide. "You don't know?"

"Enlighten me, Scarab."

Valkyrie's eyes grew wide and she tried to shake her head no, but daddy kept his hands on her. I couldn't move forward since I knew he'd slice open her neck.

"My son and your partner have, well, in all honesty, been sleeping together."

I looked at Funny Bones. He and Bespoke had frozen. Both of them turned to stare at me at the same time. Bespoke had a look of horror and confusion, but I couldn't figure out Funny Bones' expression. That worried me.

"He's joking, isn't he?" Bespoke tried laughin'.

"Valkyrie, he's joking, right? Sanguine?"

I looked to Valkyrie. Her eyes had cast downward, and she would not answer their questions.

"It's true," I sighed quietly.

Daddy dearest laughed. "I really love how my son picks a girl who dearly wants to end his pathetic life. It's exactly like him to pick the worst girl for him and fall totally and utterly in love."

"I ain't in love!"

"How could you know?" Valkyrie croaked.

Daddy dearest laughed. "Remember that chase for me after I killed that strange woman? Mrs. Faust, was it? I was actually found. But my son here didn't tell anyone of you." He laughed. "Before you got the call of Mrs. Faust's death, I was lurking around your lovely home, Valkyrie Cain. I couldn't hear your conversation, but I most certainly could see your actions. I could see you head upstairs, and I _had_ to see if what I thought was happening was really happening. And ohhh, it _was_ happening."

There was a beat of silence before I shouted, "You watched us have sex?"

Daddy dearest shrugged. "Only for a minute. I didn't want to see it." He looked over to Funny Bones and Bespoke. "Anything to add, gentlemen?"

They both remained quiet, lookin' away.

Scarab nodded. "Right, well, how about we put you four in a room so you can sort out all this?"

Valkyrie tried to kick away from him and scream in his ear, but he clamped his free hand over her throat and moved the razor to rest at her ribcage. Scarab dragged her across the room. Lidos grabbed both Funny Bones and Bespoke, while Sammorine tackled me before I could get outta here. We walked silently for a while until we were thrown into a little room with gray walls and floor.

No one said anythin'.

"At least this isn't another white room," I said, laughin' uneasily.

And then suddenly I felt a fist connect with my face. I stumbled and hit the wall and slid down it.

"Ghastly!" Valkyrie shouted.

Bespoke approached me and bent down to my level. "You dirty, rotten son of a bitch," he breathed. "I will kill you before you have another chance to take away anyone else I could ever care about."

Valkyrie said his name again, though a bit calmer. Bespoke stood up and stared at her. He pointed to me and asked, "Why?"

Her shoulders slumped and she whispered, "I don't know." She began runnin' her fingers in her hair. She was at a loss.

I managed to get back up. "Ghastly Bespoke," I began. "The fact that Tanith Low came with me was not anythin' I could control. I had developed a strange crush on her, and with the Remnant within her, she was attracted to me. It ain't like our relationship was very love-based. She was only with me for a couple of months, honest. I don't have any idea where she is right now."

"That doesn't change anything."

"Fine, maybe it doesn't. You can hate me all you want – Funny Bones, same for you. Valkyrie, whatever feelin's you have are yers. But don't kill me now. We still gotta get rid of those freaks."

"No. You need to leave and join Scarab."

"Um, I ain't doin' that…"

"Well I don't care," Bespoke replied sharply. "He wants you to join him, and I would much rather have you running around causing havoc and hysteria than be here with us and Valkyrie."

"Ghastly you can't just release a prisoner like that," Valkyrie said.

"I will. I will release him and then kill him painfully."

Valkyrie groaned and looked to Funny Bones. He was standin' straight in the corner and hadn't reacted to anythin' said. "Skulduggery," she half-pleaded, half-demanded.

"I'll judge you both in my mind when I know the whole story, since you kept this such a secret. You could have just told someone."

"No I couldn't have!" she shouted. "We kept it a secret since we knew this is what you'd all react like! And don't you dare tell me off for keeping secrets. You've been running off and doing _something_. I don't know what, and you refuse to give the truth."

He nodded. "True. For now, though, I agree with Sanguine. We can't do anything about this whole affair until we deal with our present enemies."

"Well we're stuck in a room with no weapons, no way out, and no plan," Valkyrie snapped. "It'll be pretty hard to deal with them like this."

Funny Bones nodded. "I know. We'll just have to wait it out for a while. We can think of something." He sat down on the floor and stretched his legs out in front of him. Bespoke huffed in frustration and paced. Valkyrie slid down the wall and stared blankly at the floor. I followed down after her and gripped her hand. She looked at me strangely, but she took her hand away and shook her head. I looked up at Bespoke, who was givin' me the death glare times a thousand, it seemed.

We sat in the silence for a long time. After a few hours, I'd say, we heard a huge and loud _thump_ sound. Loud footsteps stormed around the place, and we could hear shouts in German.

"Must be the Sanctuary coming for us," Bespoke muttered. He stopped pacin' and watched the door. When it didn't open for a while, he went back to pacin'. We heard more and more footsteps all around us. Someone ran right past our door, and we all shouted for them to stop. Whoever it was stopped runnin' and backtracked to the door. They jiggled the handle, but nothin' happened. They growled in annoyance and took a deep breath. I was expectin' the door to be kicked open, but no. A few seconds later, they tried to handle again, and this time it opened. The person stepped into the room and smiled.

We were all frozen, except for Funny Bones. He got up and checked around the outside of the room.

"Glad you could make it," he said happily. "I was beginning to wonder when you'd get here."

Tanith Low shrugged and she smiled. She motioned for us to follow her. She left first, followed by Funny Bones. The rest of us trailed behind, wonderin' what the hell she was doin' here.

* * *

><p>All while writing this chapter I kept giggling and smiling like a maniac because I was SO excited to get it written!<p>

So…what's all this about? What's gonna happen later after they get out of this? YOU DON'T KNOW BUT I DO HAAAA. I'll be away for the weekend, but I _might_ have access to e-mails and stuff, but probably I won't be able to reply to them or anything. I wanted to put this chapter up and have you speculate for what'll happen next.

I am rather happy with this. Two twists (the reveal about their relationship, Tanith) in one chapter! Super fun~

:3

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD


	22. Done with the Fightin'

Tanith and Funny Bones led the way around the buildin'.

"This is where I stopped them," she whispered and pointed to a door. It was completely destroyed. "Obviously, they weren't _that_ stopped or anything."

"Search for our weapons," Funny Bones directed. "Stay close to someone and don't go wandering off. Scream in extreme agony and panic if you're caught. We won't judge you."

Everyone scattered. Bespoke walked slowly and kept a huge distance between himself and Tanith. I looked and noticed Valkyrie had scurried off through a door down a dark hallway. I wasn't sure if I should go after her, like if I'd be yelled at for it. Everyone was off doin' their own thing, so I followed after her.

"Valkyrie!" I called softly.

And then suddenly there was a gunshot. A door a way down burst open and Valkyrie ran from it. She grabbed my hand as she streaked by.

"I found them!" she said happily and tossed Funny Bones' gun to him. She had pocketed her own and handed me my knife. Not a second too soon, I felt a hand slap across my face. I spun to see daddy dearest had hit me. Lidos and Sammorine barreled on through and took to beatin' up Valkyrie. I wanted to run and help her, but Funny Bones was by her side almost instantly. The ceilin' collapsed partially in one area while the biggest of the ghouls had landed on the roof. He seemed to smile at the sight of tiny Ghastly and Tanith run towards him. Soon, though, he wasn't smilin' as they harshly fought him.

I had to turn my attention back to daddy dearest. He was in a fightin' stance and looked ready to kill me.

"I hope you worked out all your problems," Scarab snarled. He dodged my fist and kicked my shin.

"Shut yer mouth and let me best ya, daddy."

He smirked but didn't say anythin' more. And so we fought for a _long_ time. He got hit after hit on me, and he even managed to punch my glasses so hard they broke and fell to the ground. I swung my leg up and kicked his ribcage to get him to _stop hittin' _me. He growled in pain and stumbled a bit.

"So what's yer whole evil plan?" I asked.

"Those brothers there only want to give the Death Bringer the honor she deserves. Once it was explained to them she wasn't ever going to join them in their quest to, you know, _bring death_, they decided to start collecting as much power as they could. They targeting the highest and most powerful Necromancers at the temple and sucked up their power."

"They've been doin' all those killin's there?"

"Who else would have, son?" He smirked and kicked me right in the shin. As we picked up the pace of the battle, I realized: those guys didn't do nothin' all _that_ bad. They killed a lot of people, yep, but who hasn't? I guess they really were only like devoted fanboys. They only wanted to make sure their glorified Death Bringer got what she deserved. Although I'm sure she doesn't really think that…

I couldn't keep thinkin' like that. Daddy dearest kept getting' to land punch after punch on me. I shook myself and watched him maneuver around me. I dodged his hits for the most part. When I noticed he was beginnin' to slow in his blows I made an attack. Daddy dearest snarled in surprise as I clamped down on his arm hard. Usin' all my strength, I swung him around and slammed his face into the wall. He groaned in pain but didn't try to get up. I pulled on his shirt collar and hoisted him up. Despite the blood pourin' from his nose, he was still smirkin'. I bent my arm to punch him again, but before I could, a thick tendril of shadows slapped across his face. Scarab moaned and fell limp, unconscious. I looked and saw Valkyrie there, smilin'.

"That was rewarding," she said happily. I threw daddy dearest on the ground and rushed to her. Before I could, the ceilin' collapsed again. A ghoul swooped down and picked her up. Sammorine grinned and produced that strange green object from earlier. The Erfassen. He mashed the little button on the front, and the globe on it opened. Valkyrie tried to scream in pain but couldn't. I looked around and noticed no one could get to her in time to save her; Tanith was tyin' up the ghoul with Ghastly's hesitant help; Funny Bones couldn't just drop Lidos and rescue Valkyrie. And so there I was: I had to decide between life and death.

Eh, not wantin' to let Valkyrie…um, die, I sprinted to the two. She looked pale now, and I could see blackness oozin' from her everywhere.

I acted quick and kicked low to knock Sammorine off his feet. He dropped Valkyrie and The Erfassen in surprise and turned his attention to me. He started chasin' me. I dug around in my pockets for my razor only to see it lyin' halfway across the room. Well, crap. I tripped over somethin' and fell. Sammorine loomed over me, smilin'. Well, crap, again. He took a step to me, and I, admittedly, cowered and shut my eyes. I could hear the telltale sound of pierced and ripped flesh but could fell no pain myself. I looked up and saw that Tanith had rammed her sword into his shoulder. Sammorine collapsed in pain.

I stared straight at Tanith as she wiped her sword off. She sheathed her sword and stared back at me. She didn't say anythin' as she pointed over to Valkyrie's crumpled form. I scrambled up without thinkin' and ran and bent down to her. She was still breathin', thank goodness. I picked her up and carried her over to a slightly less uncomfortable spot against the wall. I cradled her to me and placed my hand on her stomach to make sure she'd keep breathin'. At this point I didn't care if they all could see me. All I cared about was Valkyrie.

…Well, crap. For the third time.

About an hour later, Valkyrie woke up. She bolted up and tried to pry free from me, but I calmed her down and kept her close to me. She observed how Lidos, Sammorine, and daddy dearest were tied up in a corner. The ceilin' bits had been cleared away for when all the Sanctuary help arrived. She noticed the fact that she was sittin' in my lap and tried to shyly get away.

"Valkyrie, please," I whispered into her ear. "Just sit and stay with me. Please."

She stopped squirmin' and rested her back against my chest. She curled her legs up, and I wrapped my arms around her stomach.

"How do you feel?" I asked softly.

"Weak," was her simple answer. "I think my power returned anyway." She sighed and suddenly kissed me. It was a hard but short kiss. "Thank you for saving me and all that…" She kissed me again.

"No problem, li'l darlin'."

She smiled thoughtfully at the nickname and went to kiss me again. Before we could make contact, though, someone approached us and cleared their throat. We looked up and saw Ghastly starin' down at us.

He pointed at me and said, "You, William-Raymond Sanguine, are under arrest for purposely withholding crucial information."

Valkyrie jumped up in protest, but before she could utter one word, Bespoke had slapped a pair of handcuffs on me. Out of practically nowhere, that cheerful rat Apollo Downs from jail appeared and dragged me down to a giant van. Lidos, Sammorine, and daddy dearest had been thrown into the back, but Downs allowed me the passenger seat. Just as he was forcin' me into the seat, I turned and saw Bespoke leave the buildin', followed by a ragin' Valkyrie. She stopped rantin' and looked up at me, and I though I could see tears again in her eyes.

So once again: well, crap.

* * *

><p>My great-grandmother died recently. If you just say a quick prayer for my family, that'd be much obliged.<p>

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes :)


	23. Escapin'

We arrived back at the Sanctuary in one piece. Downs pulled me from the car and handed me off to Funny Bones who completely ignored Valkyrie's protests as I skidded by her.

"Ah, it'll be fine, li'l darlin'," I called to her. She rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. Funny Bones silently pulled me along past all the cells. Some guys I remember catcalled for no reason; it took a lot outta me to not kick their faces in. Funny Bones stopped abruptly to a cell and opened it. He removed my cuffs and motioned for me to step in.

"Are these charges really serious, Funny Bones," I asked, "or are you just doin' this to spite me?"

"A little of both," he answered. "Ghastly, for the most part, is doing this out of spite, yes."

"That doesn't seem like him."

"It _isn't_ like him." He shrugged. "I can't do anything about it, now can I?"

He turned and left, stridin' purposefully down the hallway the way we just came. I watched him shut the main door and hit my head against the bars.

"I'd feel bad for you," a voice behind me said suddenly, "but you helped get me locked away."

I turned and watched as _Colonel Red _emerged from the corner. His green hair was matted, and he looked _pissed_.

"Ain't like I _wanted _to arrest you or nothin'!" I said, tryin' to defend myself. "If ya kill me, these guards are gonna be all over you for it."

"I don't need to kill you," he simply answered.

"Why's that?"

Red smirked but didn't say anythin'. He brushed past me and sat down cross-legged on the little bed. He placed his palms on his knees and stared at me.

"There are already rumors floating around."

"Yeah? What do they say?"

"You've been sleeping with Detective Cain in order to get a shorter sentence."

I laughed. "My, I guess that just shows how false rumors are, huh? That ain't true. At all."

"Really? Well there must be some little thing that's true about it – otherwise; there wouldn't even be a rumor. Don't most rumors start with some little bit of truth? That's what my mother always told me, at least."

I hesitated. Should I really tell this stranger what's really happenin'?

"I ain't sleepin' with her to get a shorter sentence," I muttered.

He seemed surprised. "You're really sleeping with her? That's true?"

I nodded.

"But why?"

I shrugged and didn't say anythin'. I sat down against the bars of the cell door and stared at the floor.

"There's another rumor going around, too," he said quietly. "I've been hearing that you'll be killed tomorrow."

I froze. Bespoke wouldn't kill me…just for that, right?

"But they ain't allowed to execute us anymore! There's some law that prevents that or whatever! He can't kill me _just _for bein' with Valkyrie like that!"

Red shrugged. "The Sanctuary does have a law against execution. There's a difference between formal execution and death, you know? I've also heard talk of Russians visiting us but that's not clear."

Oh, God. They really did call the mob on me. I'm bettin' they're just gonna let me loose and wait for some hulkin' Russian guy to take me down. And Bespoke can just look the other way, can't he?

I moaned and slammed my fist on the ground. I gave a slight cry at the impact and kneaded my now injured fist. I could tell Red was watchin' me. It looked like he wanted to say somethin' but couldn't find the right words.

For a while we sat in silence. I tried to clear my mind and _not _think of upcomin' death, but I just couldn't stop driftin' back to Valkyrie's face as we left that stupid white buildin'. She seemed so hurt and confused. It made me wonder if she had developed any kind of feelin's for me, like I had with her. A part of me hoped that she did. But another part wished she didn't; I was just hopin' she hadn't become attached, so then when they killed me, it wouldn't hurt her.

"Hey," Red whispered.

I looked up at him and asked, "What? What is it?"

"You want to get out of here to see your lady love one last time?"

"Yeah, I'd also like a million dollars."

"I can't help you with that," he muttered and got down on the ground next to me, "but I can help you escape. I think, at least."

"Yeah? How?"

"The cells are magically bound, you know. You can't use any type of magic when you're inside a cell. But what about those hallways right there? I've seen countless guards and detectives lash out with fire or the likes at prisoners in their cells."

"I guess yer kinda right…"

He nodded shortly. "Care to help test my theory? Of course, after you escape, they'll search everywhere for you. And they'd probably change around the restrictions with the cells. However, it would be quite fun to pull this on those guards."

I smirked but then frowned. "Why are ya helpin' me?"

Red shrugged. "I've been in love before," he said. "I can sympathize with you."

"I ain't in love," I growled. People gotta stop tellin' me that, or I may start to believe them…

Red shrugged again and smiled. "You keep believing that then." He stood and stretched and suddenly kicked the bed and fell over hard onto the ground. He began moanin' and groanin' in pain. I thought no one would come to help or at least find out what was happenin', but finally two guys came rushin' down the hall. I backed away into the corner and stayed out of their way as they asked what had happened. Apparently I was _too_ cooperative, since they didn't pay me any mind. Red answered their questions, comin' up with very nice lies on the spot. I watched him intently. He finally jerked his head over to the door. I ran from the cell and began burrowin' down into the ground as I kept runnin'. When I was safe underground, I started laughin'. I can't believe that actually worked. Kind of a stupid plan, but it still worked.

I stopped movin' and thought about where to go next. I couldn't really go to Valkyrie's. That'd be the first place they'd look. Unless! Unless they thought that I wasn't _that_ stupid and wouldn't go there. I guessed at that point that people had already been mobilized to go searchin' for me. They probably wouldn't send out Valkyrie to go lookin'. She was already in enough trouble and probably wouldn't get out of it for a while. I started tunnelin' in one direction, but gave up and headed to Valkyrie's house. Damn the Sanctuary! They can't stop me from seein' Valkyrie if I want to.

As I made my way over to Valkyrie's, I thought. I thought a lot. I thought about where our relationship might've gone if I wasn't gonna be killed in the near future. Would we have become significant others? Lovers? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Would we have gotten married, had kids? She and I ain't the people to be tied down. But with her…I could see it. I could, and while it scared the crap outta me, see a _life_ with Valkyrie Cain.

She probably wouldn't, though.

I'm a criminal and can do whatever I want; but she has a job and reputation to maintain. Ain't like she can just give it all up for someone like me. She at least deserves someone who ain't evil and criminally insane. She should be with someone like that Rory guy she talked about.

But I realized the thought of her dyin' was a pretty gruesome one. Not in the way that'd it be deliciously bloody and gory – but the thought of no longer seein' her sucked. I had panicked when daddy dearest held her with my razor to her neck. I didn't want to see her go like that. It probably would have been easier on everyone if I had just let her die like that, but I couldn't have done that. There ain't no way I'm watchin' her go like that.

I figured I was gettin' closer to her house by now. What would I say to her? If she even was there? Somethin' like, "Hey! Sorry yer a disgrace now!" I dunno if that'd go over well. I dunno if anythin' I say will go over well. Even if she was there and did listen to me, what would happen next? I'm guessin'…y'know, more sex.

That's all our relationship is, ain't it? Lust and physical love. That's it. Ya can't base a relationship around just that. It's impossible.

I could tell I was there at her house finally. I made my way upwards and broke free from the dirt and stepped onto the rich red carpets on the entry way. Before I could even move to look for Valkyrie, I heard her.

"Get the hell out!" she shouted from the stairs. She was on the top step but came runnin' down to me. "Get out of here!"

"What! Why?"

"Skulduggery and Ghastly were _just_ here looking for you," she explained. "I said I didn't know where you were, but if they come back and find you, we'll both be in trouble."

She looked tired and frantic. I smiled softly and stepped forward and hugged her tightly.

"Sorry, li'l darlin'."

She sighed and relaxed and placed her arms around my neck. "They're not happy with you for escaping like that."

"Yeah, I know. Ain't like I can do anythin' to make them happy. I'm already gonna die soon, so I might as well just make 'em hate me more."

"They're not going to kill you."

"Apparently they will."

She pulled back, lookin' surprised. She almost said somethin' else, but I stopped her and said, "Let's not think about it, li'l darlin'. I can be here with you one last time, so don't make it bad."

Valkyrie frowned, but nodded anyway. She kissed me softly and gripped my hands and pulled me upstairs with her.

* * *

><p>Valkyrie didn't redress. She instead just laid half on top of me; her chest touched my own chest, and one of her legs tangled up with my own. She traced little circles on my arm absentmindedly. I had my arms wrapped around her, like she was gonna float away if I didn't keep her grounded to me.<p>

"Why didn't you let Scarab kill me?" she whispered into the silence.

"Hush, I don't wanna talk about it."

"What? Why not?"

"I'm tired."

"And you can't just answer a simple question?"

"No."

"Why!"

"My answer would take _way_ too long to explain. I ain't gonna answer you."

Valkyrie huffed in frustration and moved off of me. She was climbin' from her bed when I grabbed her arm to stop her. "Don't get up. Please."

"Then just answer me."

When I didn't say anythin' she pulled herself from me and stood.

"Wait," I muttered. "Fine."

She turned and smiled softly and flopped down next to me. "Why didn't you let Scarab kill me?" she asked again.

I exhaled deeply and stared at the ceilin'. "…'Cause I care about you more than I really should, Valkyrie. And I really hate that I do, too. But my daddy said to me that no matter how hard I try, I get stupid overpowerin' feelin's. I always have. I thought I _loved_ my girlfriend when I was sixteen. You don't _love_ anyone when yer sixteen! I thought I loved someone when I lived in Egypt. I thought I loved Tanith for God's sake." I paused and intended to continue, but Valkyrie jumped in with, "What are you trying to say?"

"I think I love you."

Valkyrie sighed and buried her face in the crook of my neck. I added after that, "I don't care if you don't gimme the feelin's back, but I honestly think I love you."

She only hummed in acknowledgement and didn't say anythin' for a while. But when finally did speak, she said, "I don't think I love you, Sanguine. Not yet, at least. Probably with more time I could. But I don't love you right now."

I nodded and kissed her softly. "Fine by me, li'l darlin'."

I pulled away and held her close to me, fallin' asleep like that.

* * *

><p>I had meant to upload this and a few other chapters before I left for Texas for a few days. The funeral was really quite beautiful, and I'm sad I really didn't get to know my great-grandmother that well.<p>

So yep. Only a few more chapters left!

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes :)


	24. Rude Awakenin'

I felt somethin' nudge me in my shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly and expected Valkyrie to be wakin' me, but she was still asleep in my arms. Someone cleared their throat from behind me, and I craned my neck to see who it was.

"Good morning," Funny Bones said icily.

"I'd get up and face ya," I said, "but there's a sleepin' Valkyrie over here."

"Wake her up. We need to deal with you two."

"Hey, this was all my doin', Funny Bones. Don't go draggin' her into all this."

He didn't say anythin' and just stared. I reached over to shake Valkyrie awake as calmly as I could. She groaned and buried her face into my shoulder and mumbled a few things.

"Let me sleep," I managed to catch.

"I think it's high time you got up, Valkyrie," Funny Bones added loudly and firmly. Valkyrie's eyes shot open. She bolted upright and clutched her blankets to her chest. Her mouth kept movin' like she was gonna say somethin', but she never did.

"Skulduggery," she muttered after a few minutes of tense silence, "this is-"

"Ghastly's waiting outside," Funny Bones interrupted her. "You need to dress so we can arrest Sanguine again. And do not even think about escaping." With that, he turned and strode from the room and opened the door and left the room, though he stood right outside the door with it still slightly ajar.

I looked at Valkyrie; she was bitin' her lip in concern. Her eyes were wide, and I could tell she was tryin' to think of a way to get us out of this mess. I shook my head at her and silently got up from bed to dress. Valkyrie did the same. I finished dressin' as Valkyrie pulled a shirt over her head, so I went and opened the door wider. Funny Bones turned and faced me.

"Billy-Ray Sanguine," he said, producin' a pair of handcuffs, "you are under arrest for conspiracies against the Irish Sanctuary and for escaping from Irish Sanctuary prison." He turned me around roughly and snapped the cuffs onto my hands behind my back. "Let's go." He prodded me along as Valkyrie came runnin' from the room to try and stop Funny Bones.

"Ain't ya gonna read me my rights?" I sneered at Funny Bones as he led me outside to where Bespoke stood.

Bespoke turned to me and growled, "We figured you've heard them enough."

"Ghastly don't you dare let this turn into some stupid personal conflict!" Valkyrie shouted. "Treat this like a normal arrest, for goodness sakes."

Bespoke shrugged and motioned for me to get into this shady black van. Funny Bones shut the backdoor and climbed into the passenger seat; Bespoke took to drivin'. I looked around and noticed Valkyrie had run to her Mustang to follow us. As we drove, I wondered how far Bespoke would go. So since I've wounded him in the past or whatever, is he gonna make up some crazy sentence for me?

Oh, right. He's gonna kill me. Forgot about that.

Though maybe now since I broke outta jail, he'll abandon the whole killin' thing…Dunno why'd he do that, but a guy can hope.

We got to the Sanctuary pretty fast. I noticed Valkyrie had parked haphazardly behind us as Funny Bones and Bespoke dragged me into the buildin'. Valkyrie looked _really_ worried. Bespoke broke away from us as he got into the buildin', but Funny Bones led me down the hallways, but he didn't throw me into a cell. Instead, he kept movin' down the way, and we were gettin' closer to the interrogation rooms. Funny Bones completely disregarded little ol' Apollo Downs, which seemed a little out of character of him to do. But I didn't wanna say anythin' to him. Funny Bones unlocked a room, flicked the lights on, and shoved me hard into the room.

"Sit," he demanded roughly.

I sighed but did anyway. "What's yer deal, Funny Bones? Why the sudden Sanguine hate?"

He didn't say nothin' for a while. He simply looked at me; he never broke the gaze as he slowly sat down in the chair opposite me. I'd say we had that starin' contest for a good fifteen minutes.

Finally, he said broke away and stood up again. Slowly he paced.

"Okay!" I shouted. "Gettin' a _little _tired of all this overdramatic crap. Cut it out and just stop bein' so creepy and weird, Funny Bones. Yer freakin' me out."

He stopped and leaned his hands on the table and looked me straight in the eyes and said, "So help me if you took advantage of her at all, I will end you right here."

I was shocked. "Who said anythin' 'bout that, Funny Bones?"

"No one did," he answered. "I had just thought it strange Valkyrie would even initiate it. She didn't, yes?"

I shook my head. "She started this all. She said it'd be a one-time thing. Turned out much more than that, eh?"

He grew angrier. "Do not talk like that."

"Sorry, the southern twang comes natural."

"Joking about this will get you nowhere." He leaned closer. "Did you ever at any point take advantage of Valkyrie?" he repeated.

Again, we just stared for a while. But I was the one to look away first. "I'm not that much of a criminal, y'know. All I do is kill. I don't bother anybody else, except my target. If any others get involved, it's because they got themselves into it. I'm mean and pretty psycho, but Skulduggery, I'd never be _that_ cruel to do that to anyone."

He seemed a little shocked.

I continued, "And besides, do you honestly think _anyone_ could do that against Valkyrie? They'd never make it out alive."

Funny Bones agreed, I could tell. But he didn't seem sold on the fact that I wouldn't try somethin' like that on someone at least.

"Funny Bones, all I do is murder people. That's the most fun I have, and doin' any other crimes ain't as fun. A coupla times they've made me steal some stuff. I did, and it was _dumb_. Tunnel in, tunnel out. I've never been asked for that, and even if I ever was, I don't think I'd do it. Like I said, I'm not that cruel."

He looked suspicious, still.

"Fine," I groaned. "Believe what yer gonna about me. You can ask Valkyrie if I forced it. Every time we…uh, _came together_ it was by mutual agreement. Ya'll can think that Valkyrie wouldn't go for someone like me, but face the facts, cause she did. All 'er stupid Necromancer buddies probably won't be happy 'bout this, and you alls here at the Sanctuary want to have us both killed for it."

"We won't kill you both," he said sharply.

"Fine, just me." I shrugged. "Whatever. Yer overreactin', really. It was just a little harmless fun."

Oh God those were the wrong words.

Funny Bones whirled around and stalked up to me and hoisted me from my chair. "Is that all she is to you? Fun? You have no respect for her at all?"

I inhaled deeply and couldn't decide what to say next. I could lie, and say yes. But then that would probably end in Funny Bones beatin' me up senselessly. I could also tell him the truth, but that probably wouldn't be too good. He'd know too much, and he'd be able to hold it over my head.

I saw suddenly Valkyrie come stormin' to the door and try to open the door, but it was locked. She pounded on the glass, and I felt a strange little feelin' in me. I ain't no expert on love, and I certainly don't know much about to Valkyrie to know how she'd express it or whatever, but this seemed a bit like devotion.

I smirked and looked straight into Funny Bones' own black holes. "It was just for fun in the beginnin'. Though, to tell the truth, I've fallen in love with yer precious li'l partner. Like it or not, Funny Bones, but I think she's startin' to fall too."

"Would you do anything to protect her?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah," I answered slowly. "Where are you gettin' at?"

Funny Bones released his tight hold on me and said, "She's grown now and can take care of herself, but no one hurts my Valkyrie Cain while I'm around."

I laughed. "Bit cliché but nice anyway."

"Skulduggery open this door!" I heard Valkyrie shout. She looked positively furious.

Funny Bones laughed and went to unlock it for her. Before he did though, I asked quietly, "Does this mean yer on our side?"

"No. I won't be completely against you, though," he answered after considerin' for a moment. With that, he opened the door.

Valkyrie stalked into the room and took one look at me and then at Funny Bones.

"Has Ghastly decided what to do yet?" Funny Bones asked.

"He never said what he'd do," Valkyrie explained, "and even if he knew, I'd doubt he'd tell me. But as he forced me from his office I could tell he had Sanguine's case file out."

"Do you think he'll-"

"We'll be sure to give those Russians a warm welcome," I said happily. I figured if I was gonna die within the near future, I should just be optimistic 'bout everythin' else. Doesn't make much sense, but me fallin' in love with Valkyrie Cain does, either.

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><p>You will be pleased to know I did manage to finish this story before summer ended. I have the rest of the chapters typed up. Just need to read through them once more and then this'll be done! Also I got my laptop from my new school and it's super fun :33 Although this site is blocked on their stupid district blocking program...thing.<p>

OKAY. I would have begun to upload these last few chapters the night before. Know why I didn't? HURRICANE IRENE. THAT MONSTER. I mean, nothing disastrous happened, and others suffered worse than my family did, but we were without power for eh, maybe 19 hours. I had every intention of putting these up but never got the chance. So yeah. These should be uploaded over the next few nights. (Did you think I was gonna put them all up at the same time? PFFT SUFFER IN WONDERING WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEEEEXT.) I may or may not have school tomorrow because of the power outages thooough~ (But I probably will.)

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :D


	25. Resolvin'

"Rise and shine!"

"It's two in the afternoon."

"Either way, it's time to face the music!"

I growled and stood up in my cell. Apollo Downs unlocked the door and gripped my upper arm and led me down the various turns and hallways that led out of the prison part.

It had been a week, and I hadn't heard anythin' 'bout what was gonna happen with me. Though I was pretty sure the Russians had gotten here. Valkyrie seemed more panicked than I was when they begrudgingly let her use the handy little visitin' hours to visit me. Whenever she'd stop by she looked way too tired for someone her age. I kept tryin' to tell her to relax, but she wouldn't have it.

Every time she had to leave, I stood up and kissed her on the cheek quick and whispered that I missed her. She'd look at me sad and always replied with, "I'll miss you."

Apollo Downs opened the door leadin' from the prison to the main buildin'. He dragged me directly to Bespoke's little office thing. He knocked once and waited patiently until Bespoke shouted, "Come in!" Downs did and nodded in acknowledgement at everyone in the room: Valkyrie, Funny Bones, Bespoke, and a really big guy in the corner who I didn't know.

Downs left me there and quickly retreated.

Ghastly broke the silence first, by sayin', "Sanguine, meet Yemelyan. He's a representative of the Russian Sanctuary."

I cringed and cracked a faint smile at him. He merely stared back, stony-faced.

"I believe that we've reached a good enough decision for what to do with you, Sanguine," Bespoke said a few moments later. "Because of Valkyrie's extreme pleas for you, you will not be executed."

I smiled and looked over at Valkyrie. She wasn't smilin'.

"Instead, we'll have you deported back to America, being accompanied by Yemelyan, here."

"What!"

"Hell nah!"

"_There_," Bespoke pressed on, "you will be free, as long as you keep a clean record. No murder, thefts, anything. You will blend in and not cause any trouble whatsoever."

"Do I gotta stay there?"

He nodded. "Stay there until you die."

I sighed. I guess that's better than gettin' killed by a bunch of Russians. I stole a glance at Officer Chekov in the corner. He looked a little upset. I peeked over at Valkyrie, who looked even more upset, but also a little smug.

"What about me?" she asked bravely.

Bespoke and Funny Bones sighed together. "You technically," Funny Bones, "have done nothing wrong. You are free and have no charges whatsoever."

"In that case," she said happily, "I'd like to move to America. Texas, to be more specific."

I'm pretty sure _everyone's_ jaws dropped at that.

"W-What!" Ghastly demanded.

Valkyrie shrugged casually. "Sanguine grows on you like a fungus."

"Wow, thanks."

She smiled slightly at my remark. "You can't stop me from going," she added. "I am free and so is Sanguine. We can do whatever we like."

The word "we" sounded nice comin' from her.

"Valkyrie, why?" Funny Bones asked quietly. He sounded a little hurt. "Why this defiance?"

"Because you all acted like the fact that we were sleeping together was an utter and total abomination! If you're going to overact, why can't I?"

Ghastly groaned and placed his head in his hands. "Valkyrie, I will not lose anyone else to Billy-Ray Sanguine," he murmured. "I promised that to myself a while ago. I thought I was doing fine. Tanith still seems to be with the Remnant and barely said two words to me."

Funny Bones spoke up, "Ghastly, you should-"

He looked up sharply and glared at me. "You, get out and get going to an airport. I don't care which one, we'll pay for anything just to get you out of here."

"Ghastly!" Valkyrie growled in protest.

And then suddenly we heard someone coo, "Come on, haven't you ever been in love before, Ghastly?"

We all turned and gawked at the person standin' in the doorway.

"Though we have a distinct background together, I personally feel Billy-Ray Sanguine should be kept here," Tanith Low said, smilin'. She approached the desk slowly and removed her sword and laid it out in front of Bespoke. "Hello again, Ghastly."

He remained speechless.

"Tanith, what are you doing?"

"Making a case, Skulduggery. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Why?"

"I've always had aspirations to be a lawyer."

"Really now?"

"Yes, certainly." Tanith smiled and faced Ghastly. "You should know that I am Remnant free. Just letting you know, so you don't call the dogs on me or anything."

Funny Bones stepped up next to Tanith. "We can explain, Ghastly."

"Please…please do."

Tanith took a deep breath. "So for probably three years I was with that Remnant. Skulduggery and Valkyrie searched for me for a long time. When they finally found me, I don't know how they did it, but they managed to knock me out and drag me over to that Doctor Nye…thing. It had a strange way of getting rid of this Remnant in me. I don't know how really, but obviously, it worked."

"Why didn't you come back?" Ghastly whispered.

She sighed and shot me a glance. "Well, so when I ran off with Sanguine, um, the Remnant had no qualms about it. But when I was back to normal, Skulduggery explained what all had happened. I could vaguely remember being there with Sanguine for all that time, actually. And when he told me that I had left you for a murderous psycho, I felt a little bad. 'Little' doesn't even cover it. I didn't want to have to see you after all that. Maybe that's a bit strange coming from me, but…that's just what I felt was best."

Ghastly turned to Funny Bones and asked, "You've known about her? You, too, Valkyrie?"

They both nodded.

Tanith continued, "I felt rather…ashamed of all that happened, so I just decided to run off and leave you all alone. I knew Sanguine was still out there, and I had heard about when he was arrested. Though, I never expected that _this_ would happen."

"How did you know where we were? How did you know to come and rescue us?" Valkyrie offered quietly.

Tanith faced her and smiled. "I've been helping out Skulduggery with some investigations about the Necromancer deaths."

"I wasn't lying when I said I was just investigating!" Funny Bones added happily.

"O-Oh," Valkyrie replied awkwardly and looked away. That bothered her, I guess. I looked at Tanith who seemed like she wanted to say more, but Funny Bones had shaken his head to stop.

"So anyway!" Tanith suddenly said, breakin' the silence in the room. "Back to Sanguine.

"Despite all of his murderous tendencies," she continued on, "he's actually just a regular guy. As I asked before, haven't you ever been in love? I have vague memories of what he did for me when we were together. He is actually…quite sweet."

"That doesn't sound like a word to describe Billy-Ray Sanguine," muttered Funny Bones.

Tanith shrugged. "Well, I guess you wouldn't think so, Skulduggery. I bet Valkyrie could agree with me."

We all looked at her suddenly. She cringed and took a step back, tryin' to hide. "I…" She stopped and looked at me straight. Suddenly, she smiled. "He's a jerk but would die for me."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's pretty accurate."

And then abruptly the doors burst open. This time, Hair Boy stood in the entrance, carryin' a little box.

Oh God, I'm gonna die.

"He wouldn't stop shouting at me!" Hair Boy whined. He set the box on the table and opened it slowly. In an instant, Uncle Ghost appeared. He assessed the situation by starin' real hard at everyone, and then he turned to Bespoke.

"Ghastly," he began, "I certainly vote for the death of this man, Billy-Ray Sanguine."

"Gordon!" Valkyrie yelled, standin' forward, assumin' a fightin' stance. "What are you even-"

I cut her short by reachin' forward and pullin' her backwards. In this rare act of public affection, everyone was silent. I brought Valkyrie close to me and kept her grounded.

She turned to me, stunned too. She almost said somethin', but then Bespoke said, "Keep going, Gordon. Why death?"

"Billy-Ray Sanguine has practically destroyed any and all friendships we all once had. Skulduggery is frustrated and angry with my own niece, Valkyrie. You, Ghastly, are angry with Valkyrie for the same reasons and everything revolving around Tanith. I am disappointed, and Fletcher here is horrified. It is now common knowledge that Valkyrie Cain has been, um, performing sexual intercourse with Billy-Ray Sanguine."

"Yes, we know," Funny Bones grumbled. "I've already heard far too much about Valkyrie's nightly activities, thank you."

"Oh, it wasn't always at night."

I winced and heard Valkyrie slap her forehead in disbelief.

"Though, having said all of that," Uncle Ghost continued, "I feel we need to carefully ponder this circumstance."

"You just gave clear reasons for as to why we should kill Sanguine."

"Well, those are simply personal reasons." He smiled. "Personal reasons are not above the law."

"You said we weren't going to kill him!" Valkyrie objected.

Ghastly nodded slowly. "Yes, and we'll stand by that. No one will be killed."

Uncle Ghost nodded. "All right. Well, Valkyrie has been explaining everything that has happened so far. From what I hear, Sanguine is utterly ridiculous. One minute he's murdering, and then the next he's in love."

"It's not _that_ qu-"

"Have you ever heard that song?" Valkyrie suddenly asked, smirking. "_The Power of Love_? 'Change your heart to a little white dove'. Those are the lyrics."

"Exactly," Gordon added. "Valkyrie explained that Scarab almost had her killed. Sanguine could have let her die. You see where I'm going with this?"

Ghastly sighed placed his elbows on the desk. He looked at me for a long time.

"Fine," he eventually muttered. "You will not be sent back to America, but you will remain here in Ireland, continuing to help out the detective for the good of society. However, you won't be placed back with Valkyrie or Skulduggery. You will be assigned someone new soon." He paused and sighed. "Because of your help with the detectives, we managed to catch three criminals and one of them being your own father. Because of this, then, your sentence will remain the same length, but you are no longer required to be in a prison." He paused again. "I can't believe I just said that…"

Bespoke smiled slightly and looked at everyone. "Now everyone out," he muttered.

Honestly I wasn't able to tell if the fact that I was gettin' someone new was good or not. I wanted to ask Valkyrie, but she had already gotten hold of Officer Chekov in the corner to get him to head back to Russia. He seemed a little upset over what had happened. Though that could also be confusion. I'm sure the world hadn't heard 'bout my sexual exploits or nothin'.

I was about to leave the room, but Bespoke grabbed my arm and kept me there. He leaned in close and muttered, "Know that if I ever hear about you mistreating Valkyrie or making her unhappy in just the tiniest amount, you will be quickly _ended_."

I swallowed. "Nah," I managed to sputter, "I'll keep her happy…"

He let go of me and motioned for me to get out. I shut the doors to the room and was immediately attacked by Valkyrie. She threw her arms around my neck and hugged my tight. Y'know, as much as I try to not be stupid and sappy, I gotta say that her huggin' me just felt _right_.

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><p>Don't own <em>The Power of Love <em>or _Officer Chekov_.

Yaaaay! Everything has been resolved!

...Right?

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :D


	26. Sayin' Goodbye

"I'll miss you."

"Oh please, you'll see me afterwards."

"But I won't see you in action or whatever, li'l darlin'."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and slapped my leg. She leaned her back against my chest and rested her head on my shoulder.

She and I were outside in her backyard underneath a tree. Romantic, right? It had been a few days since the whole giant incident at the Sanctuary. Bespoke was still tryin' to find someone to take me on as their little helper. Thank God no new cases had come up so that meant that Valkyrie was free to sit around with me all the time.

I had finally gotten to ask her if whether or not we were still a part of a team was a good or bad thing. She told me that the policy was that no partners or team members or the likes could have any romantic relationship. So, since we were no longer together as a team, we were free to have at it all we wanted.

So yeah. Valkyrie and I had just been sittin' around all day. I wanted to stay in bed with her all day, but she insisted that we at least get up for a while. She never said returnin' was out of the question…

I tilted my head to look at her. The sadness and stress on her face had disappeared once my sentence had been all cleared and stuff. No longer did she look like she was gonna cry. And Hair Boy (who's sorta come around to the idea of us together), Funny Bones, and Bespoke have all made it very clear that if I ever hurt Valkyrie or make her cry blah de blah, I'd be seriously injured myself. A part of me knew they were jokin', but the other part knew that I should probably be a bit careful. But Valkyrie made me happy, and I'm pretty sure I made her happy, too. So far we were doin' okay.

She and I sat down in her kitchen a few days ago and had _the talk_. We talked about what we wanted from each other and how we could make it all work out. Valkyrie was surprised when I demanded that we talk it out. She told me she was surprised at how "not insane" I could be. Oh, I still rather liked killin' people, yeah, but I wasn't about to go off and kill 'cause I wanted to. I felt like me and Valkyrie was the right thing. I didn't wanna go screwin' it up. So now, officially, we were together.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" she muttered in my ear.

"Yer just pretty, that's all," I replied just as quiet. "I like lookin' at you, li'l darlin'."

She hummed in happiness and kissed me hard. I could feel her turnin' around in my lap so she was facin' me. I held my hands on her hips firmly and kept her close to me. It was probably about to get a little too serious for outside, but we were stopped when someone behind us cleared their throat. Valkyrie wrenched herself from me and stared at the person there.

"Oh. Oh, uh, hi."

"Sorry for interrupting you two," Tanith said, smilin'. "I just came to say goodbye."

I stood and helped up Valkyrie. Tanith kept her gaze on me.

"You're leaving already?" Valkyrie asked sadly.

Tanith shrugged. "I've actually been in the country for a long time." She broke off and looked a little sheepish.

"Right, you've been helping Skulduggery," Valkyrie said a little accusin'ly. "Forgot about that."

Tanith smiled. "Blame Skulduggery for not telling. He was too afraid of what you might do or say if you found out I was helping. And he didn't want you to get hurt. You know how protective he is." She suddenly turned to me. "Speaking of protection," she growled, "you better make sure she isn't hurt at all when you're around. I'm sure you've heard this a lot, but we'll all make you miserable if Valkyrie's hurt in any way at all."

I nodded tiredly. "I know. Cross my heart and hope to die."

Tanith seemed satisfied with that. She turned again to Valkyrie and continued, "Anyway, knowing I was here probably would have brought up some pretty bad memories. I just wanted to stay out of the way for the most part."

"Did you help Skulduggery escape when he himself was kidnapped?"

Tanith nodded. "I was pretty surprised when he said he was captured. Not like him, really." She smiled. "So anyway, I have to get going. I'm heading back to London for a while."

"Why are you leaving again?"

"I'm not ready," she replied softly. She looked at me sadly. "No offense Sanguine, but I felt pretty ashamed of what I went and did."

I tried to laugh that off but couldn't. Tanith looked guilty for her comment but didn't take it back.

"I'll come back soon, though," she added quickly. "I talked with Ghastly for a long time…He's fine with me, but I'm not. I promised I'd come back within the next year to see how everything is."

"He really likes you, Tanith," Valkyrie said. "He's waited for a long time to see you again. He also hasn't even _looked_ at steak since you left."

I didn't know what she meant by that, but apparently Tanith did 'cause she suddenly looked pretty depressed.

"Right," she said, tryin' to be calm. "I'll…see you both."

Valkyrie looked pretty distraught to have to let Tanith go again. She hugged her tight and didn't let go for a while. Tanith didn't hug me. She simply shook my hand, though I didn't mind. I didn't really wanna hug her either.

Tanith turned and ran after that. We heard the roar of her bike as she sped down the roads to leave again.

Valkyrie had a tear on her face when I looked over at her a minute later. I stepped close to her and hugged her tightly. She brought her arms around my neck and returned the embrace. She pulled away when she had no more tears in her eyes.

"She'll be back," I muttered.

"Yeah, yeah."

I smirked and kissed her temple.

After sittin' back down in our position before Tanith came, Valkyrie quietly asked, "You remember what Nye does to me whenever I go to see it?"

"It makes a copy of you or whatever, right?" I said, tryin' to recall what she had said.

"I agreed to that for two reasons: so that it could heal me in case I got hurt, and so it could…get the Remnant out of Tanith." She sighed. "It wouldn't have it any other way. I _had_ to agree to that or else it wouldn't have made Tanith better."

"How is it you're so nice to everyone else but me?" I joked softly.

Valkyrie laughed and kissed me again. We kept it PG, though. We had to break apart when my phone started ringin'.

I answered it, vaguely annoyed.

"You and your new partner have a case," Ghastly replied on the other side. "He's heading over to Valkyrie's right now. I'm assuming you're there."

"Yeah, I'm there."

"Hi Ghastly!" Valkyrie called out.

I could tell he was smilin'. "The new guy should be there in a little bit. Be on your best behavior, then, Billy-Ray Sanguine."

He hung up after that. I shut my phone and stood up. Valkyrie was smilin' real wide.

"What's that for?" I asked, referrin' to her smile as I made my way to the front door to wait for the new dude.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"You know somethin' important, don't you?"

She didn't answer me and kept her lips tight. I rolled my eyes and slung my arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Mmm, li'l darlin'."

"Yes, Sanguine?"

I looked to the street and watched a car pull to the curb. The driver's door opened and out stepped…

Oh, God.

Valkyrie started laughin' her face off.

"Ready, partner?" Apollo Downs asked happily.

"Yer not a detective!" I shouted at him.

"I was just promoted the other day," he explained. "We're going to have fun!"

I looked at Valkyrie who was really tryin' to restrain her laughter.

"You did this on purpose!" I realized, turnin' to Valkyrie.

"Ghastly wanted to make you suffer just a little," she replied happily. "I said this was the best way."

"Sneaky little-"

"Oh, suffering will build your character!" she said and pushed me towards the car. "Have fun! I'll miss you!"

I glared at her as I slipped into the passenger seat. Downs turned the ignition and drove down the street and turned.

Valkyrie had managed somethin' truly evil. I was rather impressed with it, actually. Downs turned to me and explained we were headed to…somewhere; I don't remember where. I kinda wondered if he'd let me sleep on this car ride, since I hadn't really been gettin' that much at night anyway…

I was watchin' him babblin' on and on, though.

So, ya know, probably not.

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><p>Thaaat's it! I felt the need to end this chapter like I ended the first chapter. So yep.<p>

I just want to thank you all for your incredibly kind and encouraging words. I was so worried for this story in the beginning, but it turned out to be something kind of awesome. I really appreciate you all. Like, really.

Right now I have plans for a strange _Labyrinth_ fanfic. Y'know, the bizarre 1986 movie with David Bowie made by Jim Henson. Yep, that one. I recommend it. It's so weeeeird and not, y'know, AMAZING, but it's still good. Interesting story with a lot of different interpretations.

I'll try SO hard to not abandon you guys, though. I promise I'll try my hardest to not forget my other fanfics~

But I've suddenly remembered I have a crossover fic kind of forming in my head...I dunno, I'll see where it goes. Also I never managed to work in the line, "Everything's bigger in Texas."

So yeah. Again, just thank you. You're all awesome! Thank you all for reading! Sorry for any mistakes on this last chapter! :DD


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